it is art. it is madness. it is brilliance. it is pornography.

here i am, sitting around at home again. the aircon is not working, and it is hot and humid. it is still raining, but the sun has come out already. i really hate the weather here and i dont know why anybody will want to migrate here. i woke up late this morning from the accumulated fatigue of going to the cargo center in the wee hours of sunday before sending the junk back to plc yesterday. i hate shift work. screws up my body clock. and this kind of shit spoilt my super long weekend which stretched all the way back to wednesday before my interview.

the interview was a quirky experience. first time for me, going for a non singapore interview. for that short span of slightly over an hour i was on French soil. a plate at the entrance of the embassy at cluny reminded everyone who entered of that fact.

i was wearing a white shirt and blue tie, the same white shirt and the same blue tie that i wore for all my interviews barring that mas one, where i wore the school uniform throughout like a real cock. in typical french fashion, my interview was late so i had to sit around for a little longer than expected and the woman hostess or so she called herself tried to be nice by starting up some small talk to relieve stress. she had blonde hair but she wasnt a natural blonde as she pointed out herself. a little old probably from her habit of chainsmoking, but a nice and funny person. she wore all black which contrasted with her olivebrown mediterranean skin color. wonder how she continues to have it, even when she has been working as campus france's perm rep at newton. she talked about life, about school, about her aspirations, about her being single. lol. she was a little old, a little dry, but still tight, still attractive in a cougar way. but all these come along only after the interview because in that time when i was sitting across her my mind was fixated on summoning the planks for my platform for the interview.

my presentation was on geert wilders, which i found to be challenging enough and completely unexpected. during the preparation i found myself struggling to come to a cogent conclusion, i found myself drawn in to both sides, that of the freedom of speech and the freedom of religion especially as how the former, though in this case quite offensive is a potent protection of women rights while the latter can be offensive but remains a mainstay in many lives. i just presented lamely, but i hope i did impress them so that they may offer me a spot.

in a sense i got what i hoped for, an interview that didnt ask me about myself. i was asked about islam, militant islam and secularism in islam as well as islam and human rights, all of which consumed me thoroughly. i didnt know how to broach my ideas very well especially to a panel with 2 white women. they smiled, but i think only politely. im praying for the best.

i was completely relieved when i came out of the interview and i spent the afternoon back in bishan with shayi and stho, a completely spontaneous outing of 3 classmates lol. rj has remained quite the same beneath all the structural modifications- students still clog the library and dump their bags all over the floor, sit around in the canteen, eat from almost the same stores while discussing all sorts of ridiculous things. the prcs continue to infest the school, from the corridors to the probably optional remedial classes and from the sign up list for university talks to the deans lists located a floor below. much has changed, much has remained the same, but rjc has become ri and deep down i guess we do not belong around here anymore. teachers have left, changed and more. but at least i met ewong, my econs tutor. shes still nice.

ri has become radically different. where 3P4P once had lessons has now become some haven for vandalism. the art there just sucks and it spoils completely the look of the school. what once looked somewhat stately albeit dreary nowlooks like torn down sidepieces of the berlin wall. what view once impressed me as a p6 student standing in the atrium waiting for my turn for spelling bee now looks like shit. met yuen, who is still nice but who has become subject head. seems like 3p4p is no longer to be. no more concentration of talent in a class, and no more funn people all put together to make a funner environment. this loss is profound. and i treasure my memories a lot more.

tomorrow is my last day in camp before my surgery. i have waited for my surgery for long. it was my trump card i held close to my chest, something to punctuate the year, a comma that improved my ns life. but now that it is drawing close, i question my reasons for such dreams and i question my brashness in deciding to go for the surgery. there are damn many risks involved from infections to deep vein thrombosis. i hope i dont die yet. i think im still too young and i still have much to experience. i always feel guilty about it because im putting myself at so much risk to remove such questionable and little discomfort i get when walking. i wonder if it is worth it, if i had measured up the factors with a huge weightingon the mc i would be getting. the doctor works at mtE and has operated on a number of my moms indon clients. he is cambridge trained and i am reassured. i hope for the best to come.

will be handing over charlie to someone temporarily, which is a good thing for me. never really enjoyed working with charlie, with temperamental and stupid and lazy regulars as my superiors. charlie opened my eyes to such a possible confluence of weakness. i wont complain, just like me they too are staking out except for them it is to get as much pay as possible to support their children or their expensive habit of flying to holland, but it pains me that all this is done at the taxpayers expense. i can be considered whiner, because i see things not just for what they are but for what they should be, but i do try to change things, except it some cases i think it is not worth it. what would work for the organization would be to quarantine them so that they may not contaminate the upandcoming regulars and so that they would not be released to be scums in the corporate world. those lazy dicks, those stupid dicks.

200

days to ord

Chanel no. 666

mon voisin a un chien. c'est un shih tzu. je l'appelle La Joconde, comme la peinture dans Le Louvre a Paris. tous les jours, quand je rentrais chez moi, il s'assayait dans le jardin et me voyait. Ses yeux ne me partait pas jusqu'a j'entrais ma porte. il s'assayait et me voyait il y a six ans, depuis ma famille a retourne habiter a cette maison.

le francais est tres difficile, mais j'essaie. je dois essayer, ou je mourirai par le fin de l'annee.

L'entretien pour admission a Sciences Po sera jeudi prochain, et je suis inquiet. a ce moment la, je ne sais rien seulement que je ne sais rien. je n'ai pas comprene ce que zhenan m'a dit sur l'economie grec et l'etat de l'EU en general. Il n'y a pas assez de temps pour me reviser les lecons, et j'aurai besoin de parler en francais pour l'entretien. c'est mal. je souhaiterais que je reussie a cette fois, la premier fois. ou je creuserai un trou dans la terre et y entrerai ma tete.

don is asleep don is awake

its going to be a long time before my next friday duty comes along. after today, 2 more duties and i will be done with duties until after my surgery, my hospitalization leave and excuse. tuesday duty is going to suck with a sucky doo, but i will manage. off on monday is making me smile. hehehe. then i will be off the whole following week.

my university interview is coming up in about 2 weeks time but i dont think im well prepared for it. frankly, i am extremely nervous, but i dont see what i can actually do about this now, except read up and listen to envoye special. been reading up on europe, france, the middle east and singapore, and i hope to impress them at the interview. for some reason, i feel alien to this process, even though im no longer virginal, having been done in by so many interviews thus far. nevertheless i hope for the best. i dont want to go for seconds.

i have been following the news much quite recently. im happy that the conservatives in uk won, that some trillion dollar package has been set in motion to arrest the spiralling crisis and umar yaradua died blah blah blah. but what struck hardest was the reweighting of mother tongue at psle.

wont delve into the details, but all i have to say is that, it doesnt make any sense to me to lower the weightage of mt cos one sucks at it or one finds it irrelevant, because clearly mt has a place in society, culturally and economically. chinese or malay or tamil are all not latin or hieroglyphics and we risk falling down the slippery slope if we lower the weightage of everything we are weak at. i believe that the weak students should work harder if they want to achieve better grades. suffering builds character. hahaha. and i hope parents realize one thing. the number of places in top schools are finite. if they lower the weightage of mt then someone who was strong in mt would have to vacate his spot in that top school. which is completely unfair. anyway, from my experience, if you are good, you are good at everything la. of course you wont be equally good in both languages, but with a good mind, guidance, right attitude, i dont think its impossible to do well at mt. especially at pri sch level, where mt is still so basic. if your kid finds mt hard at this level, he probably isnt smart. suck it up.

quelqu'un m'a dit

j'ai besoin de savoir plus du moyen orient et l'europe pour mon entretien pour l'IEP a fin de ce mois. Mais quand j'avais les temps disponsibles, je surf l'internet pour le p****. c'est tres terrible, parce que si je ne reussirai pas a cet entretien, il y a un possibilite que je etudierai a NUS. c'est tres mal. je serai tres triste.

apres le fin de ma classe francaise, je ne peut plus ecrire ou lire ou parler bien. merde.

medicine for the soul

life sucks now, just as it has been sucking for quite a while now.

but with coc down and roc ahead, life is probably going to be better, from next week, for about 3 weeks i shall be quite a free man, screwing around like a cock. hopefully i do well at my interview. then after that maybe 2 months of surgery mc.

by then ord would seem pretty close.

i am the hater

army life is tough.
real tough.

i always feel that im with stupid or irritating.

and the possibility of having to stay in and with these people just makes me foam really hard. because theres nothing to do on weeknights except live the passage of time in the bunk. it is real suffering sometimes. i like to be home, where i truly feel comfortable, where i truly feel safe. where i can be me.

i detest the shitty life.

8 months more i can cast away these foamers.