the day the mp3 died

aar smashed evita
basically, his aiming sux.
gap/cd is qte a bit of space.
haha
hopefully the librarian doesnt own me

what am i doing to my life?

the last time i asked this question was p6 when i changed my choice from chinese high to ri. twas a hard choice, i stayed off bukit timah and the ri campus looks like shit. hwachong had a cool campus and nygh is opposite. and i grew up thinking hwachong was rly cool. well i certainly dont regret it. ri got lotsa fun ppl, not to say hwachong sux. its just different.

well this is a stupid qn, but i was reminded of it by whats happened today. basically, im ruining it.

at the lowest level, im ruining myself by slacking. during chem 'tutoleeal' he went through chem tutorial on kinetics. i didnt do it. almost everyone in class did it, i didnt, but i didnt care. then lee in his cool adidas sports-formal cross shirt with three adidas stripes behind came and said stuff like its jc he wont push u n how much effort we put in would be reflected by our results.

of course i can be wisecracky and smartalecky n point to the fact that all the hardcore muggers id est most of the gals in class screwed up anyway. not that i did well, i just didnt screw up so bad. but it really set me thinking what the fuck im doing with my life. i stone around in the library reading comics or talkingcock. today i goes to the library and talked cock with yh. not his fault, just that i wasnt disciplined enough to do work.

when people go home they slack around and they mug. i slack around but dont mug. what do i do when i get home? i switch on the comp, connect, connect to msn, run realplayer and start blogging. then i go to wikipedia or youtube.

i hardly spend anytime studying at all.
granted i pay attn during most lectures, i still dont put in enough effort. im gng to screw up, be a big failure and a laughing stock.

my current work status?
physics- unknown tutorial
chem- qn 1 self practice of kinetics
math- tutorial 5A?
econs- not applicable

like what the fuck? many ppl already completed kinetics, done tutorial 5b? n i havent done no shit?

and what do i do during tutorials? just pray the teacher doesnt call me and start vandalising tables, files or anything i can get my hands on?

i procrastinate too much. i survived in ri, i survived the first ct, but i dont think i can survive through to a levels.

i try to get a nice cv. i head rykas. but i suck at leading it. im a good manager, but i dont think im a good leader. people are satisfied, but they do not exactly get what they deserve. im afraid that i might drag it into the mud again. all of hq's good work to nought.

i join indian bicultural. it is a total waste of time by the way, judging from todays session. cos i just cant pay attn. i know most of the stuff from wikipedia. and ppl keep asking stupid qns. seriously stupid qns, like whether the gandhi name helps the family.

a nice cv, so what? results are what matters most. they might be insufficient, but they are necessary. chair, join this join that, build a heater in the middle of sahara, nice. but who cares about them when u cant even get good results? fuck.

hodge and gp rocked my world. not rock as in good, rock as in shook.
i started thinking what life is about? well i have no ethics, i just do what i feel like when i feel like how i feel like. im the homo economicus as described, im the marginal man. i dont care about lying or torturing or killing as long as im not the subject. i dont really care about helping those in need.

not that i now think they are good values. i stil dont see why everyone should be kind and all. but why am i so different? why do i see things through such a different angle? why do i march to a different beat.

im distraught.
the fact that my mp3 player got spoilt has compounded this problem alot. alot. really alot. my loyal trusty mp3 player has been damaged. as it got thrusted deep into the dark recesses in a lappy and the hard tip entered, the plastic just opened and released its contents. the mp3 player i got in sec 2 has died. bye, my loyal trusty friend.
i would miss you.

life sucks.