nothing much has transpired. been mugging hard. trying hard to mug, at least. ive spent most of today looking through my math file and until now i still dont know what has gotten into my brain and displaced the filth. (all i know is, he's called the stig.) at least now i think i know a differential equation question when i see one. actually de at h2 lvl is not tough, just that i cant interpret their difficult to comprehend question. i mean, in out in out shake it all about. why dont they just cut the crap and go straight to the point. this is a math test. gp already tests linguistic comprehension.
about gp, well i think im going to fail. somehow i dont have the positive vibe. the vibe that i get when i know that i can attack the essay and rape it. the vibe i get when im going to get so cocky i decide to do the summary from memory and cant be bothered that its a 4/8.
the gp relief tutor was a real foamer. mostly, people daoed her. she was interested, but not effective. the controversial topics clearly cut no ice. she was boring. and i was pretty bored through her lessons. of course she wasnt soporific. i pitied her. but then she says she is going to warwick for ppe. and then i stopped pitying her.
went for the oxbridge law talk with lenny. i dont think im cut out to do law, much less even dream the oxford dream. we were there with this young, rightly cocky intellectual, some wolf from cambridge. in lt 6 with all the real men, and many a dreamer like me.
the main point that i gleaned from the talk was that oxbridge wanted smart people. whether you have extracurricular achievements doesnt matter to them. as long as ur smart. stupid people like me will be spat at. or is it spat on. whatever, im too stupid to care. actually whether or not they looked at eca, i will still probably be kicked, just on my puss academics alone. real pussy.
anyway i was there among real men who ask questions as if they were already accepted by cambridge. of course some of them were pedigree, like the attorneygeneral's sons, some of them were master debaters, and then someone who probably is a little too deluded. if we had a scale for delusion and i was on point 100 with the average at 50, i think we have to take logarithms to fit her point on an A3 piece of graph paper even if we shrink the units to 1point/cm.
im just consumed and engulfed by self doubt. and not wrongly so, especially when everyone who is someone is applying to emmanuel or gonville and caius and all you can do is sit and stare into space and imagine. and of course, feel sad for yourself.
i just hope i do ok for my prelims. i really want to go overseas real bad. i know im a jumping of the hoho scale of delusion, but i really want to live the dream. i hope a miracle comes along.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment