vaincre

life is really depressing.

C: why you come school today?
D: mug lah. not going to fail chem again.
C: you fail before meh?
D: ya. C.
C: C is not fail.
D: bet if you got C you'd jump down.
C: nope. i'd just be looking through ITE pamphlets.

anyway according to fernie, nus requires all As or Bs.

looks like life is really damn tough. life is foam. foamboarding is fun.

looks like i cannot apply to oxford. cos i cannot decide what i want to do in life, and i shouldnt even think about it in the first place. with my kind of results, cca records and probably testimonials, i think im thinking a bit too far. too far from the natural non accelerating rate of delusion. disequilibrium delusion.

im disillusioned.

mark has results, daojie has his girl, lenny has results and girls and i have myself to blame. im not in the doldrums. im in a cavernous cave filled with bats that shit on me. and snakes that shit on me and constrict me. and bugs that shit on me and bite me. im miserable and these shitters have the strength of numbers and familiarity. i just keep getting shitted on.

suddenly i dont see why i should study hard. because whether i study hard or not im going to be a failure in life. because i dont even know whether i can get into nus. and im quite sure i dont want to go to ite then poly then uni. cos by the time im done with uni id have no more sexdrive and no more life. cb.

going to a university is not just about getting an education. for me, i think it doesnt really matter, of course, unless i choose to do law. uni is a good screening device. as mentioned by dixit and skeath, uni education helps differentiate type A for abled from type C for challenged. now that half the world and all the chiuchengkias from polies all can go to uni, the only way to signal that i am type A is to go to a good foreign uni, since im not going to enter nusmed.

and i seriously need to signal. because the signal is not perfectly accurate, but think of signalling and not signalling in terms of a game tree. then add in the conditional probabilities and u can c how the firms will c u and so choose to hire u. and i generally suck so i hope i get stirred in with the right crowd and get pushed along by the right current so i dont end up in a shit hole.