i dont think im going to apply this year.
knn. all the tests are scheduled for 5th nov, just a day before chem pII. which is the killer paper for me at least. walan eh.
cbcbcbcbcbcbcb
with my kinda sch grades i really need to pull off a good a levels. and fooling around with chem and at a levels is just no bananas.
cbcb
it doesnt help that saf sends a nice mail inviting me to the safos scholarship tea session next saturday. it comes with a nice plastic card with your ic number barcoded behind. nice shiny white plastic. it just makes me feel even more sore, that
1. my academics suck
2. i cant even pass napfa.
and im depriving more deserving peoples of an invite.
baah.
anyways it seems like lse has an option i likes.
philo n econs.
now i hope lse wants me.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
vaincre
life is really depressing.
C: why you come school today?
D: mug lah. not going to fail chem again.
C: you fail before meh?
D: ya. C.
C: C is not fail.
D: bet if you got C you'd jump down.
C: nope. i'd just be looking through ITE pamphlets.
anyway according to fernie, nus requires all As or Bs.
looks like life is really damn tough. life is foam. foamboarding is fun.
looks like i cannot apply to oxford. cos i cannot decide what i want to do in life, and i shouldnt even think about it in the first place. with my kind of results, cca records and probably testimonials, i think im thinking a bit too far. too far from the natural non accelerating rate of delusion. disequilibrium delusion.
im disillusioned.
mark has results, daojie has his girl, lenny has results and girls and i have myself to blame. im not in the doldrums. im in a cavernous cave filled with bats that shit on me. and snakes that shit on me and constrict me. and bugs that shit on me and bite me. im miserable and these shitters have the strength of numbers and familiarity. i just keep getting shitted on.
suddenly i dont see why i should study hard. because whether i study hard or not im going to be a failure in life. because i dont even know whether i can get into nus. and im quite sure i dont want to go to ite then poly then uni. cos by the time im done with uni id have no more sexdrive and no more life. cb.
going to a university is not just about getting an education. for me, i think it doesnt really matter, of course, unless i choose to do law. uni is a good screening device. as mentioned by dixit and skeath, uni education helps differentiate type A for abled from type C for challenged. now that half the world and all the chiuchengkias from polies all can go to uni, the only way to signal that i am type A is to go to a good foreign uni, since im not going to enter nusmed.
and i seriously need to signal. because the signal is not perfectly accurate, but think of signalling and not signalling in terms of a game tree. then add in the conditional probabilities and u can c how the firms will c u and so choose to hire u. and i generally suck so i hope i get stirred in with the right crowd and get pushed along by the right current so i dont end up in a shit hole.
C: why you come school today?
D: mug lah. not going to fail chem again.
C: you fail before meh?
D: ya. C.
C: C is not fail.
D: bet if you got C you'd jump down.
C: nope. i'd just be looking through ITE pamphlets.
anyway according to fernie, nus requires all As or Bs.
looks like life is really damn tough. life is foam. foamboarding is fun.
looks like i cannot apply to oxford. cos i cannot decide what i want to do in life, and i shouldnt even think about it in the first place. with my kind of results, cca records and probably testimonials, i think im thinking a bit too far. too far from the natural non accelerating rate of delusion. disequilibrium delusion.
im disillusioned.
mark has results, daojie has his girl, lenny has results and girls and i have myself to blame. im not in the doldrums. im in a cavernous cave filled with bats that shit on me. and snakes that shit on me and constrict me. and bugs that shit on me and bite me. im miserable and these shitters have the strength of numbers and familiarity. i just keep getting shitted on.
suddenly i dont see why i should study hard. because whether i study hard or not im going to be a failure in life. because i dont even know whether i can get into nus. and im quite sure i dont want to go to ite then poly then uni. cos by the time im done with uni id have no more sexdrive and no more life. cb.
going to a university is not just about getting an education. for me, i think it doesnt really matter, of course, unless i choose to do law. uni is a good screening device. as mentioned by dixit and skeath, uni education helps differentiate type A for abled from type C for challenged. now that half the world and all the chiuchengkias from polies all can go to uni, the only way to signal that i am type A is to go to a good foreign uni, since im not going to enter nusmed.
and i seriously need to signal. because the signal is not perfectly accurate, but think of signalling and not signalling in terms of a game tree. then add in the conditional probabilities and u can c how the firms will c u and so choose to hire u. and i generally suck so i hope i get stirred in with the right crowd and get pushed along by the right current so i dont end up in a shit hole.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
time is running out
ive spent most of the afternoon investigating:
capital punishment
government
responsibility to society
the role of religion
i enjoyed reading crap on wikipedia with 'when i grow up' in the background.
but i still dont know what is an enlightened society. this concept is really hard to define. im jjust going to use the pussy definition of liberte, egalite, fraternite and respect for the sanctity of life.
hopefully my stars will shine on me tomorrow. and for the rest of the prelims.
capital punishment
government
responsibility to society
the role of religion
i enjoyed reading crap on wikipedia with 'when i grow up' in the background.
but i still dont know what is an enlightened society. this concept is really hard to define. im jjust going to use the pussy definition of liberte, egalite, fraternite and respect for the sanctity of life.
hopefully my stars will shine on me tomorrow. and for the rest of the prelims.
ziegler
tomorrow is gp prelims. and i am online now. surfing randomly.
i am not mugging for gp even though i suck at it. i lost my spark.
i am depressed. i feel miserable. why are so many pros applying to oxford? at first i thought all of them were applying to cambridge, and i thought, all was going well. and then yesterday jassie told me that so many arts people are applying to oxford. i was foaming away.
i know my uk dream borders on delusion.
actually i think i have stopped dreaming.
i think im going to waste myself away.
i am not mugging for gp even though i suck at it. i lost my spark.
i am depressed. i feel miserable. why are so many pros applying to oxford? at first i thought all of them were applying to cambridge, and i thought, all was going well. and then yesterday jassie told me that so many arts people are applying to oxford. i was foaming away.
i know my uk dream borders on delusion.
actually i think i have stopped dreaming.
i think im going to waste myself away.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
zhenan's personal statement
here i am, sitting in front of my laptop, listening to the old chinese songs that yh will definitely like, stoning at the almost empty word document. i was supposed to send don my ps tonight, but i hav been writing, deleting and rewriting for the entire night, and now, i got almost nothing but the title.
is this how i gonna make it into cambridge? if don put me in his delusion graph, i guess i would be somewhere near the gal, or is my point going to be fit outside the A3 paper? getting into cambridge is tough, but i made it harder by putting my name down under the best college together with ming quan and competing the same subject area with all the math genius like mila, hj, sj, st and his gf. but i still would like to thank jh and ronald, for giving chance, so that i still can dream that there might be a tiny minute chance for me to get in.
i just went to xiaonei, the chinese version of facebook, and saw the full list of all the prcs from hci, rjc and vj who went overseas to study. they are real gods. u penn, yale, stanford, mit, caltech, cambridge, oxford, imperial, williams, amherst, chicago, etc. etc. if i could get into any of these, i would be happily dancing naked! but let's be realistic. 9As, C for GP. how? 2130 for SAT, dream on! what can i do now?
my toefl result coming out tomorrow, hopefully it will help me move closer to my targets. anyway, i hav already finished the test and sent the results to all the top schools, what can i do about it now anyway? maybe a little bit of divine intervention would be helpful now. help me pray, dudes.
ok, i need to get back to my personal statement. GP tomorrow. i told jarrod that i will get my A this time. good night!
is this how i gonna make it into cambridge? if don put me in his delusion graph, i guess i would be somewhere near the gal, or is my point going to be fit outside the A3 paper? getting into cambridge is tough, but i made it harder by putting my name down under the best college together with ming quan and competing the same subject area with all the math genius like mila, hj, sj, st and his gf. but i still would like to thank jh and ronald, for giving chance, so that i still can dream that there might be a tiny minute chance for me to get in.
i just went to xiaonei, the chinese version of facebook, and saw the full list of all the prcs from hci, rjc and vj who went overseas to study. they are real gods. u penn, yale, stanford, mit, caltech, cambridge, oxford, imperial, williams, amherst, chicago, etc. etc. if i could get into any of these, i would be happily dancing naked! but let's be realistic. 9As, C for GP. how? 2130 for SAT, dream on! what can i do now?
my toefl result coming out tomorrow, hopefully it will help me move closer to my targets. anyway, i hav already finished the test and sent the results to all the top schools, what can i do about it now anyway? maybe a little bit of divine intervention would be helpful now. help me pray, dudes.
ok, i need to get back to my personal statement. GP tomorrow. i told jarrod that i will get my A this time. good night!
aaron will stop slamming doors, because that's irritating.
nothing much has transpired. been mugging hard. trying hard to mug, at least. ive spent most of today looking through my math file and until now i still dont know what has gotten into my brain and displaced the filth. (all i know is, he's called the stig.) at least now i think i know a differential equation question when i see one. actually de at h2 lvl is not tough, just that i cant interpret their difficult to comprehend question. i mean, in out in out shake it all about. why dont they just cut the crap and go straight to the point. this is a math test. gp already tests linguistic comprehension.
about gp, well i think im going to fail. somehow i dont have the positive vibe. the vibe that i get when i know that i can attack the essay and rape it. the vibe i get when im going to get so cocky i decide to do the summary from memory and cant be bothered that its a 4/8.
the gp relief tutor was a real foamer. mostly, people daoed her. she was interested, but not effective. the controversial topics clearly cut no ice. she was boring. and i was pretty bored through her lessons. of course she wasnt soporific. i pitied her. but then she says she is going to warwick for ppe. and then i stopped pitying her.
went for the oxbridge law talk with lenny. i dont think im cut out to do law, much less even dream the oxford dream. we were there with this young, rightly cocky intellectual, some wolf from cambridge. in lt 6 with all the real men, and many a dreamer like me.
the main point that i gleaned from the talk was that oxbridge wanted smart people. whether you have extracurricular achievements doesnt matter to them. as long as ur smart. stupid people like me will be spat at. or is it spat on. whatever, im too stupid to care. actually whether or not they looked at eca, i will still probably be kicked, just on my puss academics alone. real pussy.
anyway i was there among real men who ask questions as if they were already accepted by cambridge. of course some of them were pedigree, like the attorneygeneral's sons, some of them were master debaters, and then someone who probably is a little too deluded. if we had a scale for delusion and i was on point 100 with the average at 50, i think we have to take logarithms to fit her point on an A3 piece of graph paper even if we shrink the units to 1point/cm.
im just consumed and engulfed by self doubt. and not wrongly so, especially when everyone who is someone is applying to emmanuel or gonville and caius and all you can do is sit and stare into space and imagine. and of course, feel sad for yourself.
i just hope i do ok for my prelims. i really want to go overseas real bad. i know im a jumping of the hoho scale of delusion, but i really want to live the dream. i hope a miracle comes along.
about gp, well i think im going to fail. somehow i dont have the positive vibe. the vibe that i get when i know that i can attack the essay and rape it. the vibe i get when im going to get so cocky i decide to do the summary from memory and cant be bothered that its a 4/8.
the gp relief tutor was a real foamer. mostly, people daoed her. she was interested, but not effective. the controversial topics clearly cut no ice. she was boring. and i was pretty bored through her lessons. of course she wasnt soporific. i pitied her. but then she says she is going to warwick for ppe. and then i stopped pitying her.
went for the oxbridge law talk with lenny. i dont think im cut out to do law, much less even dream the oxford dream. we were there with this young, rightly cocky intellectual, some wolf from cambridge. in lt 6 with all the real men, and many a dreamer like me.
the main point that i gleaned from the talk was that oxbridge wanted smart people. whether you have extracurricular achievements doesnt matter to them. as long as ur smart. stupid people like me will be spat at. or is it spat on. whatever, im too stupid to care. actually whether or not they looked at eca, i will still probably be kicked, just on my puss academics alone. real pussy.
anyway i was there among real men who ask questions as if they were already accepted by cambridge. of course some of them were pedigree, like the attorneygeneral's sons, some of them were master debaters, and then someone who probably is a little too deluded. if we had a scale for delusion and i was on point 100 with the average at 50, i think we have to take logarithms to fit her point on an A3 piece of graph paper even if we shrink the units to 1point/cm.
im just consumed and engulfed by self doubt. and not wrongly so, especially when everyone who is someone is applying to emmanuel or gonville and caius and all you can do is sit and stare into space and imagine. and of course, feel sad for yourself.
i just hope i do ok for my prelims. i really want to go overseas real bad. i know im a jumping of the hoho scale of delusion, but i really want to live the dream. i hope a miracle comes along.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
congrats
so team A won the gold. but good job team B.
tmr got school. hope everything goes well.
china is on its way for more gold????
hopefully, it seems that all china's strong games hav alr finished.
tmr got school. hope everything goes well.
china is on its way for more gold????
hopefully, it seems that all china's strong games hav alr finished.
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