and thankful
AAAAAAADist
tout est bien qui finit bien
it was blood, sweat and toil.
but it was worth it.
The Rafflesian Experience has been Outstanding.
--
Friday, March 6, 2009
platform jump. 7th floor. Walk Off. owntimeowntarget carryon.
back from a tough week of wasted time and parade rehearsals where i got sunbaked then soaked then sunbaked then soaked again all in the same day.
yesterday my balls were the size of peas.
you need a micrometer screw gauge.
today probably need to use a scanning tunneling microscope to find it.
although im starting to get numb and indifferent already. i'm just a fucking pussy.
yesterday my balls were the size of peas.
you need a micrometer screw gauge.
today probably need to use a scanning tunneling microscope to find it.
although im starting to get numb and indifferent already. i'm just a fucking pussy.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
569 696969
today has been tough. 8 periods of lessons. although for 6 of these 8 periods, i just need to watch this video about puberty and childbirth, i am still tired. maybe it is because of the 3 hour talk with some teachers. well, 3 teachers against me, i really had to keep my brain constantly functioning to spot the loose holes in their arguments. but u know what? i found the hardest thing to tell someone right in the face is "the reason you find it hard is simply because you are lazy!" but i am new, i got to be humble and be nice. plus, i dun really have the position (yet) to tell them that.
anyway, they were once my teachers and now sort of friends. they are nice ppl. so why should i care and influence someone who does not have motivation in life? after all, they are living their life and answering to themselves.
well. after that meeting with hod. trying to give feedback that i got from the three-hour meeting. politics is scary yet interesting. ppl at the bottom want to slack, ppl at the top got big ambitions. when bottomers think that something is too hard, but also do not want their boss know that they think its too hard, they find middleman. the poor piece of meat that everyone wish to get a bite inside the sandwich. im now the poor meat.
the day's misery was pinched with an unexpected burst in my sec 1 class. (actually it started there. the meetings later simply accumulates to today's agony.) my record of not scolding or raising my voice at this class finally ended. maybe i should not even agree to take the relief post after taught them weeks ago. i understand that its hard for them to switch from friends to teacher-student mode. and i anticipated the class would be noisy. but im never good at hiding my emotions. well, i was esp pissed when one student came up and told me, "you are not a real teacher, a relief only what?!"
my teacher told me on the first day i started working - not to be too close to students. i thought it was rubbish. now i still hope i can continue to hold my belief but i will need stronger evidence.
hope your day was pleasant, and in no way like mine - tortured both physically and emotionally.
have a great evening.
anyway, they were once my teachers and now sort of friends. they are nice ppl. so why should i care and influence someone who does not have motivation in life? after all, they are living their life and answering to themselves.
well. after that meeting with hod. trying to give feedback that i got from the three-hour meeting. politics is scary yet interesting. ppl at the bottom want to slack, ppl at the top got big ambitions. when bottomers think that something is too hard, but also do not want their boss know that they think its too hard, they find middleman. the poor piece of meat that everyone wish to get a bite inside the sandwich. im now the poor meat.
the day's misery was pinched with an unexpected burst in my sec 1 class. (actually it started there. the meetings later simply accumulates to today's agony.) my record of not scolding or raising my voice at this class finally ended. maybe i should not even agree to take the relief post after taught them weeks ago. i understand that its hard for them to switch from friends to teacher-student mode. and i anticipated the class would be noisy. but im never good at hiding my emotions. well, i was esp pissed when one student came up and told me, "you are not a real teacher, a relief only what?!"
my teacher told me on the first day i started working - not to be too close to students. i thought it was rubbish. now i still hope i can continue to hold my belief but i will need stronger evidence.
hope your day was pleasant, and in no way like mine - tortured both physically and emotionally.
have a great evening.
Monday, March 2, 2009
568 6th March
so it will be sentenced in four days time. my fate, my future, my destiny. i am nervous. even though i have been telling my students that it is just a test. it is only part of your life. don't take it too hard. you will do well lah. but i guess it is easier to say it to others than to experience it yourself.
life is tough. especially all my UK offers are depending on my Alevels. and so far i have not gotten a US offer yet. so i have to apply to Singapore uni, like everyone else, which will look at your GP and Alevels. i really hope that i did well. i have never experienced such anxiety, not even before Olevel results. guess back then, i knew i did ok. but now...i can only pray
well. i found tickets to jason mraz's concert. but its just the night before my Alevel results release. i dunno whether i should go. i dunno even know whether i will be enjoying myself if i go. well.
afternoon in the library talking to jeremy and wendy was entertaining and relaxing. made me feel like going back to days before i graduate, how don, mark and i stay in library to study and talk cock.
showed my sec 2 class a documentary about puberty. apparently the guys turned more excited when the video shows male part compared to when it shows female one. a weird yet interesting thing to notice.
good luck everybody.
life is tough. especially all my UK offers are depending on my Alevels. and so far i have not gotten a US offer yet. so i have to apply to Singapore uni, like everyone else, which will look at your GP and Alevels. i really hope that i did well. i have never experienced such anxiety, not even before Olevel results. guess back then, i knew i did ok. but now...i can only pray
well. i found tickets to jason mraz's concert. but its just the night before my Alevel results release. i dunno whether i should go. i dunno even know whether i will be enjoying myself if i go. well.
afternoon in the library talking to jeremy and wendy was entertaining and relaxing. made me feel like going back to days before i graduate, how don, mark and i stay in library to study and talk cock.
showed my sec 2 class a documentary about puberty. apparently the guys turned more excited when the video shows male part compared to when it shows female one. a weird yet interesting thing to notice.
good luck everybody.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
i was shocked
when i saw my sec 1 student crying in the canteen. he thinks he will probably fail his math CA. well, im not sure why he did not do well. to me, he s rather a hard-working boy for his age. but it does make me think about the pressure the students are facing right now and the days when i was in school.
i tried to comfort him, i got him tissue and a drink and kept telling him that it is gonna be ok. the test will not have a significant impact on his overall CA score. but he said he's still sad that he will fail this test. suddenly all my reasons seemed powerless and illogical. true enough, there is nothing that we can do after the test, the score will not be changed. when i tell my friends that im worried about my Alevel results, i was in the position of my student. i could feel the pain and helplessness one gets while waiting for exam results which he or she did not do well in.
for me, it is just something that i gotta to learn to accept. 2 months of working taught me that the ability to suck it up and to face reality in life is an essential skill to survive. i hate my current job. but it does provide me with the best deal. the opportunity cost of giving up this job now is just too high to afford. so im learning to embrace the moment trapped in my cubicle in the staff room, typing documents which i think are doing no help to the students at all. doing stuff that u do not enjoy doing can be really torturing. so when there is no one around me, i pick up my "games of strategy" and read, i play my stupid ipod games, i go wikipedia and read random articles, i walk to the canteen and chat with my ex-students, i take a tour to the school library to search for interesting books.
but it took me so many years to realize exams are just a part of my whole life, but not the other way around. how can i expect a sec 1 boy to understand that? guess these exams are just designed to wake them up from the carefree life after PSLE. even in that case, isn't it coming too harsh on them?
today the science HOD ask me whether i hav been enjoying myself working. i told her the truth: i hate my current job but i love teaching in the classroom. so when she learned i am invited to apply for some MOE scholarship, she said that i should take it. that is what a lot of people have been suggesting to me as well. but let me just be clear. i will not be a teacher. and the only reason im enjoying myself in the classroom now is just that it reminds me so much of my student life. and i only relief short term for each teacher and class. i dun really need to worry whether the class is progressing. but if i were a permanent teacher, i will be really harsh on the students to ensure they perform. maybe then it will not be as fun as it is now..
i am just bored. so i blogged. i dun see my students as kids, i treat them as friends, i told them what i really think (but in a version that contains less vulgarities) i hope they can do well in their CAs.
good luck yik ming. (he will not read it but still, send my regards)
i tried to comfort him, i got him tissue and a drink and kept telling him that it is gonna be ok. the test will not have a significant impact on his overall CA score. but he said he's still sad that he will fail this test. suddenly all my reasons seemed powerless and illogical. true enough, there is nothing that we can do after the test, the score will not be changed. when i tell my friends that im worried about my Alevel results, i was in the position of my student. i could feel the pain and helplessness one gets while waiting for exam results which he or she did not do well in.
for me, it is just something that i gotta to learn to accept. 2 months of working taught me that the ability to suck it up and to face reality in life is an essential skill to survive. i hate my current job. but it does provide me with the best deal. the opportunity cost of giving up this job now is just too high to afford. so im learning to embrace the moment trapped in my cubicle in the staff room, typing documents which i think are doing no help to the students at all. doing stuff that u do not enjoy doing can be really torturing. so when there is no one around me, i pick up my "games of strategy" and read, i play my stupid ipod games, i go wikipedia and read random articles, i walk to the canteen and chat with my ex-students, i take a tour to the school library to search for interesting books.
but it took me so many years to realize exams are just a part of my whole life, but not the other way around. how can i expect a sec 1 boy to understand that? guess these exams are just designed to wake them up from the carefree life after PSLE. even in that case, isn't it coming too harsh on them?
today the science HOD ask me whether i hav been enjoying myself working. i told her the truth: i hate my current job but i love teaching in the classroom. so when she learned i am invited to apply for some MOE scholarship, she said that i should take it. that is what a lot of people have been suggesting to me as well. but let me just be clear. i will not be a teacher. and the only reason im enjoying myself in the classroom now is just that it reminds me so much of my student life. and i only relief short term for each teacher and class. i dun really need to worry whether the class is progressing. but if i were a permanent teacher, i will be really harsh on the students to ensure they perform. maybe then it will not be as fun as it is now..
i am just bored. so i blogged. i dun see my students as kids, i treat them as friends, i told them what i really think (but in a version that contains less vulgarities) i hope they can do well in their CAs.
good luck yik ming. (he will not read it but still, send my regards)
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I have been thinking
about the meaning of life.esp today since i spent the whole day sitting in front of my laptop typing. no lessons for me to teach. so i got this shity job of writing a manual for new sec 1 science projects. basically i just need to find useful resources online or from the thick file that i was given and then type them and organize them into a report-ish booklet.
alright, sounds simple. but when u got to type a 28-page manual by yourself in one day, it is no longer that easy. well, luckily i got my ipod with me. actually i juz downloaded some games last night and thought may be i can play them during my lunch break. BUT i barely had time for lunch.
While i was typing, i suddenly felt that i had went back to 2 years ago. PW time. i dig out all my PW stuff from my inbox and start to read Sim Wong Hoo. haha, it was rubbish. then i read about Ron Gryzwinski, Walt Disney.. life was good in school, even though we had to do all those nonsense. now, im still in school, juz that i no longer got close friends around me to complain about the nonsense i am doing. i no longer have ppl around me to share my pain and curse about everything in the world together! i am all alone. maybe, one day, we all got to be learn to be all alone. this process is probably what the grown-ups used to tell us - growth.
i feel like swearing, but i realize that im still in school. and that i should behave myself. so FUCK! fucking cheebye!
anyway, the only good thing today was after lunch time when i went to canteen to buy drink. i met my sec 1 students from 1f. haha. they seemed pretty happy about their CA so far. talking to them makes me feel that i am still a student, still in school, still got friends around and dun need to face the real world. probably im an escapist, im not yet ready to take the shit from the real world. guess my army friends will do a better job. life is unfair. i juz need some time to adjust to it.
life goes on. time to leave the depressing staff room! maybe i should go and catch a movie by myself. being alone in the cinema is therapeutic, that is how i survived my j2. have a great evening, everyone.
alright, sounds simple. but when u got to type a 28-page manual by yourself in one day, it is no longer that easy. well, luckily i got my ipod with me. actually i juz downloaded some games last night and thought may be i can play them during my lunch break. BUT i barely had time for lunch.
While i was typing, i suddenly felt that i had went back to 2 years ago. PW time. i dig out all my PW stuff from my inbox and start to read Sim Wong Hoo. haha, it was rubbish. then i read about Ron Gryzwinski, Walt Disney.. life was good in school, even though we had to do all those nonsense. now, im still in school, juz that i no longer got close friends around me to complain about the nonsense i am doing. i no longer have ppl around me to share my pain and curse about everything in the world together! i am all alone. maybe, one day, we all got to be learn to be all alone. this process is probably what the grown-ups used to tell us - growth.
i feel like swearing, but i realize that im still in school. and that i should behave myself. so FUCK! fucking cheebye!
anyway, the only good thing today was after lunch time when i went to canteen to buy drink. i met my sec 1 students from 1f. haha. they seemed pretty happy about their CA so far. talking to them makes me feel that i am still a student, still in school, still got friends around and dun need to face the real world. probably im an escapist, im not yet ready to take the shit from the real world. guess my army friends will do a better job. life is unfair. i juz need some time to adjust to it.
life goes on. time to leave the depressing staff room! maybe i should go and catch a movie by myself. being alone in the cinema is therapeutic, that is how i survived my j2. have a great evening, everyone.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
because tonight would be the night that i would fall for you over again
i passed ippt. yes, i know, to many, ippt is some no-kick nonsense. to others, getting a mere pass is worth spitting on. its a joke. but hey, to me, its quite a big deal.
i probably ran about 11min. to many, tts some pussy time, but for me to achieve tt kinda timing, i ran 3 nights a week, spending my admin time going rounds around the red track while the instant noodle gang was consuming bowls after bowlles of instant noodles.
i jumped 221 which is short, especially by aarons standards. it isnt my best jump, but considering i was RMJ EX-STAIRS until the day before, it wasnt too shabby an efforte.
i did 9 pullups, which is little short of amazing. i was a zero fighter when i enlisted 12/12. by field camp i did only 3 pussy ones. the 9 i did today were proper ones. completely extended my arms n completely pushed my cheen across the barr.
i passed.
anyway the week had been fun. shooting was bad for me. got a fucked up lane which was closed AFTER i completed my day shoot. fig 11 had its center blasted out so bad my shot just went strait through. apparently they already noticed it the nuit before, but they didnt remedy it until afte ri shot. so i missed marksman by a hair. just 1 shot. fuch. to think someone who can shoot with an iron sight cannot shoot with a 1.5scope.
hopefullies i can trayn and passs soc next week. gonna be a struggel, but i hope miracels happen.
i probably ran about 11min. to many, tts some pussy time, but for me to achieve tt kinda timing, i ran 3 nights a week, spending my admin time going rounds around the red track while the instant noodle gang was consuming bowls after bowlles of instant noodles.
i jumped 221 which is short, especially by aarons standards. it isnt my best jump, but considering i was RMJ EX-STAIRS until the day before, it wasnt too shabby an efforte.
i did 9 pullups, which is little short of amazing. i was a zero fighter when i enlisted 12/12. by field camp i did only 3 pussy ones. the 9 i did today were proper ones. completely extended my arms n completely pushed my cheen across the barr.
i passed.
anyway the week had been fun. shooting was bad for me. got a fucked up lane which was closed AFTER i completed my day shoot. fig 11 had its center blasted out so bad my shot just went strait through. apparently they already noticed it the nuit before, but they didnt remedy it until afte ri shot. so i missed marksman by a hair. just 1 shot. fuch. to think someone who can shoot with an iron sight cannot shoot with a 1.5scope.
hopefullies i can trayn and passs soc next week. gonna be a struggel, but i hope miracels happen.
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