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today has been tough. 8 periods of lessons. although for 6 of these 8 periods, i just need to watch this video about puberty and childbirth, i am still tired. maybe it is because of the 3 hour talk with some teachers. well, 3 teachers against me, i really had to keep my brain constantly functioning to spot the loose holes in their arguments. but u know what? i found the hardest thing to tell someone right in the face is "the reason you find it hard is simply because you are lazy!" but i am new, i got to be humble and be nice. plus, i dun really have the position (yet) to tell them that.

anyway, they were once my teachers and now sort of friends. they are nice ppl. so why should i care and influence someone who does not have motivation in life? after all, they are living their life and answering to themselves.

well. after that meeting with hod. trying to give feedback that i got from the three-hour meeting. politics is scary yet interesting. ppl at the bottom want to slack, ppl at the top got big ambitions. when bottomers think that something is too hard, but also do not want their boss know that they think its too hard, they find middleman. the poor piece of meat that everyone wish to get a bite inside the sandwich. im now the poor meat.

the day's misery was pinched with an unexpected burst in my sec 1 class. (actually it started there. the meetings later simply accumulates to today's agony.) my record of not scolding or raising my voice at this class finally ended. maybe i should not even agree to take the relief post after taught them weeks ago. i understand that its hard for them to switch from friends to teacher-student mode. and i anticipated the class would be noisy. but im never good at hiding my emotions. well, i was esp pissed when one student came up and told me, "you are not a real teacher, a relief only what?!"

my teacher told me on the first day i started working - not to be too close to students. i thought it was rubbish. now i still hope i can continue to hold my belief but i will need stronger evidence.

hope your day was pleasant, and in no way like mine - tortured both physically and emotionally.

have a great evening.