leap year

maybe its not a wise choice for me to come online tonight, especially when i was supposed to be uncontactable to avoid council work,
maybe its not a wise choice to come to the blog and view the old posts to make my life tougher,
maybe its not a wise choice to even log in and leave a post here when my mind is not in a toally clear state.
but i guess its not necessary for someone to choose wisely all the time, sometimes, its juz nice to be irrational and against one's principle.

but my limit has been pushed too far. im sad and depressed. my life is undergoing a drastic change now. im learning to be a loner, to be cool. but changes are tough for me. i hav to admit that i hav lost the bet and lost all my bids on it. now, i hav to start all over again.

i thought it would be easy and short, life will go back juz like what it used to be.
but it did not.

i thought it would be cool, to finally live for myself and heck what others want me to do or follow blindly juz to ensure things go smoothly,
but it did not.

i thought it would change things and make them go right,
but it did not.

i thought a year was a long time and things couldn't juz happen and go,
but i was wrong.
a year is nothing,
memories are bullshit, they never make you feel contented, but only torture you when you think of the past.

everything in my life is a mess now!
i cannot pick myself up, but i have to put on the mask whenever i meet people.
others see me happy, but i am NOT!

i guess that it is the end.
i just need to do is juz to accept and let it go.
i really cannot take it any more, juz let it go, zhenan.
let it go.
it will be fine.

things changed 3 days before the 29th Feb,
it is a leap year.
maybe everything will change back in the next leap year,
it will be another 4 years then,
where will we be?
will you still remember me?

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-zhenan