antidepressants

this is the worst of times. in the library just now i really, really felt like dying.

all alone on the 2nd floor of the library with nobody in sight, piles of books and notes in front of me. the library was freezing. even with my jacket i was shivering. my fingers were cold and my palms were blue. nary a ray of natural light.

to compound the problem, got banged by complex number. no matter how i do it, i get it wrong. i always use the wrong method, and in the rare occurence that i get the method right id probably bungle up the steps. add to this that the a levels is in hardly 10 days. and ive forgotten most of my physics and my econs revision is nonsense.

i actually entertained the thought that rj might be so poorly built that the library will suddenly collapse and consume all in it. sometimes when i come out from the toilet, instead of turning left i want to turn right, go on the bridge and plunge down and away from all the nonsense. away from complex numbers and probability. away from ketones and transition metals. away from all the crap.

so i can go meet my maker. because i have got enough of this world. and this life.

i yearn for yesterday once more.