sleepless again

Sleep is a priceless commodity and something that i have come to value even more after handing over my pink ic. i remember in bmt, i knocked out before lights out every night except sunday night, because i didnt wake up at 0530 on sunday morning and shag myself out enough. and it used to take hardly 10 mins for me to get to sleep even at 10pm on a regular night at home. i feel safe at home, and this safety is soporific.

but ever since i started on my hospitalization leave, my body clock has been screwing up and sometimes i just cant seem to get to sleep. it is about 0200, the wee hours of the morning and im up again after spending the last hour or so tossing and turning on the bed. when i started i thought i was already shagged out after watching hongkong dramas on cable. but for some shitty reason or another i am still wide awake.

i think the lack of activity has made me cranky. i have been sleeping too much recently, and sometimes too late. the irregularity has caused some technical glitch within me, that i hope will be temporary. i have been trying to apply myself to something useful so i wont look back with regret, and i am glad to say i have been spending much time with my brother, who is back on a short holiday. and this is good. i have been keeping up with the news and paul the octopus. i did read some french, but its a lost cause because i simply lack the determination with anything tough. the unabridged leviathan also pissed me off. simply insane, that trayne of thought.

i was quite bored early yesterday and i was actually reading my old emails. thought that revisiting my emails would ignite some 'study' spark in me. it is quite funny how i have forgotten much of secondary school already, especially research education, and how i found my topics for sec 3 and 4 completely disappointing and unfulfilling. at the start we enjoyed ourselves too much without doing any work and at the end we were churning out junk to fill into the report. which was shit. i had quite a lot of nice people to work with and i enjoyed myself from that. but the substation thingy was something which i didnt enjoy much. i thought that exposing myself to something arty would improve the quality of my life, but it didnt. nevertheless in retrospect it was a good experience. the first time for me to stay out till late on a little street of shophouses tearing tickets, cleaning shit and typing random crap.

my french teacher was also very hardworking. a real email spammer. i think in a span of 2 years he sent out almost 100 emails on everything from the controle results to replies to questions by knowledge-hungry rgs amazons. i opened some of them and i found them absolutely amusing. he had his moody period when he gave curt short replies and his gay-french period when he explained shit through and through and posted cock about some random place in france hoping to inspire us to work harder and not play soggy biscuit at the back of the class. it mostly didnt work on me, and im living in regret. i have, starred, an email of the results of a controle where he the results of all his students were listed out with the last few digits of their nric. i was pleasantly surprised for a second to get 80+, then i remembered that i didnt understand the comprehension orale at all so it couldnt be me. i got 66%. it is funny now but quite shit then when it pulled down my gpa. if only i had the foresight to study my french. sigh, life is tough.

from 2006 there was plenty of emails from the rinccegroup, and many of them were really lame. most of the posts dealt with training updates, which didnt really make sense since all we did week after week was pt, drills and soccer. i was never into the uniformed group, but to save my A1 i forced myself to attend the sessions and all. so i was infinitely more involved in sec 4 than from sec 1 to 3 when i was floating around. i was reminded from the emails about the power struggle and some mudslinging and misunderstanding, but i hope all parties came out stronger and still remain friends.

those were formative years man. and i still am not drowsy. maybe bejeweled blitz will do the trick.