sleepless

it's past 1am where i am and i cannot seem to get to sleep. tossing and turning for an hour made me foam, even though i enjoy lazing on the bed. that happy feeling probably comes in the day when i dont want to get up, not from when i cannot get to sleep. i think its the tea i drank during lunch. it was fragrant and potent. i always knew that i had a low tolerance for caffeine, but i didnt realise chinese tea had caffeine. but now i know. wikipedia.

extended my mc by 2 weeks. which makes me happy. i guess i am recovering pretty much normally and the specialist is just having me visit him more by putting my appointments every fortnight and extending my mc from appointment to appointment. he probably knows that i will get too slack to turn up otherwise. i hope i can at least get 1 more extension so that i am at the market average.

this is the life man. with the 2 more weeks it makes 6 consecutive weeks of slacking. which is by far the longest trot since secondary school. i have never felt less guilty watching tv half the day, and i thank providence for cable tv. history channel, discovery turbo, mtv and the 800 series and more. i have hardly left my house since my surgery, but through facebook i have come to enjoy the beautiful sceneries that litter europe and the perverse games of local uni orientations. i have also caught up with all my friends i cherish much. and nothing is more divine than the knowledge that these decadent days chip away at my ns liability, which is down into the last 160 days, including the weekends, public holidays and my 14 days of leave. and assorted offs and stuffs. haha.

this blissful state of nature will make my return to camp agonizing. but before that it has put my life out of whack. i sleep around midnight and wake up at 10am. and even reading has become a chore, and i no longer have the discipline to hit the basic french book. my mind has come to lust for simple, direct and available pleasures, no longer will it work for the sublime, higher pleasures, like from reading or something. because to convert and unify the impulses from reading has become too tough. and anyway the pleasure of french is not something quite tangible now. and french girls dont go to bed with you just because "voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir" rolls of your tongue so easily.

i have been idling much and finding so much about myself, that i have become too weak and too pleasure seeking. and thats bad.