my left eye has been twitching incessantly

i hope it is a good omen.

but i dont think so.

i was just thinking, getting a B or worse for mathematics is extremely likely. maths is upon 100, and i didnt do the differential eqn question for -7, did the complex number qn (with circle) wrongly for -3, made some mistakes in vectors for -5, made some mistakes in the qn after vectors for -5, probability confirm got mistakes, the gay question from the revision tutorial i gave lame explanations, i just got the poisson distribution using a graph instead of tableset, so basically, im screwed. these are just the marks that i know for sure will be deducted. still got all those poor presentation marks waiting to be deducted away.

woe be me.

well, screw it. i just hope that the universities and scholarship boards are less concerned with common test results than prelims and predicted grades. if not i would be hardcoring for nought. rj has not been nice. i miss my younger days, when all i did was laze in bed, watch tv and read storybooks.

of course i do regret my general laziness and lack of application to any semblance of self improvement and development. i read voraciously, the Hardy Boys and the like, pulp fiction, or is it junk. i read i think over 50 such books. the storylines are all similar, they somehow get a weird way to solve their lame cases, but there was just something comforting about this general similarity.

in hindsight, i should have been mugging math or science so that my foundation wouldnt be so weak. like a building in bugis and the marina area, i am in marine clay, soft and disgusting. but unlike bugis junction or suntec, my foundation is akin to tekkos we use to hang clothes. not massive blocks of concrete but sticks tied together with raffia. i cant be built so tall. sometimes, even stirring in my vicinity will cause me to tilt and might bring me down. i foam.

i despised the natural sciences since a tender age. even then, i should have applied myself to reading the Classics such as the Republic, the Prince and the Odyssey. or even baser stuff as 1984 and animal farm. shouldnt have left the reading to secondary school, when by which time i should have read over criminal law and tort in singapore.

i shouldnt have wasted my time watching serial shows. i should have been watching important documentaries and infotainment programs like the tonight show and the colbert report, not some nonsense fumanlou or poyintai. tcs shows were pretty crappy, and are still pretty crappy. actually i think they have gotten much worse. i shouldnt have watched those stupid shows, but now i still continue watching stupid shows. yesterday night i was watching tt nonsense korean drama. like lord of the rings, it is bloody confusing, with all sorts of weird words and references, but still enticing and attractive to pussies like me.

i enjoyed my childhood, but i should have enjoyed it to such a great extent. because magnificent memories often bring about constant yearning, and the unwise tradeoff often wroughts regret.

bananas in pajamas.

i think the only way for me to do good in the a levels is to wean myself off my addiction to alcool and pon. they dont really allow for sustenance of linear thought. in fact, everytime in class, as i try to pay attention to limbay esspousing the proper methode of presentation, images of dungeons flash in my mind. even in the canteen, even when i speak to people, even when i present during cca, such flashes pop up intermittently. sometimes what i say is compeltely random and incoherent, because of this. even when i blog, there are breaks in da flo, because of this.

i have done a harrison bergernon onto myself. i am my own handicapper general. except im not goodlooking, strong, or smart. i just make my horrid self more horrible, my weak self weaker and my stupid self stupider.

really, i have stopped believing that everything will be alright.