she was the hottest thing in the cold room

went for the edb talk today. it was quite boring. i guess i got pretty turned off when they said they want engineers. and i cant wait to kick science out of my life. i think engineering is somewhat science-y.

there were many people who shouldnt have been there. theres the attorneygeneral's twins, who shouldnt have been there cos they are in the arts stream and they want to do law. theres juanhe who shouldnt be there because the president's schship is so much better than the edb schship. of course there are many a rich dicks who shouldnt be there.

and then theres me.

the chairman said something like, the best way to predict the future is to create it.

in other words, each the master of his own destiny.

and theres me, the architect of mine own failure.

at my table were guys from 4p, mark, yuanwei, zhenan n a girl. i think at the table, i had the worst set of ct grades. almost all of them had 3As, and all of them probably have a deans list. or two, or three. i have one A, and no deans list.

at my table were a canoeist, a floorballer, a councilor, an srp Man. the canoeist was my boss in ncc and the chair of the rafflesian in ri, the floorballer my big boss in ncc, the councilor a prc, and then theres a vicechair of richess. my non academic achievements most probably pale among theirs.

i look around, and i see people with multiple deans lists, people from council, befrienders, ogls with thousands of service hours. i look around, i see people offered the 13th unit, people with impressive sat scores, people who have won dubious and impressive awards.

i dont even know why i was there, or how i got there. i obviously shouldnt have been there. from the moment we sat down, my mind cleared. i know where i should be. i see myself in the future. in the ite. while everyone goes to the ivies, i go to the ite. while they go pursue maths, i go learn to use my hands, and a mop. while they go pursue business, i go learn to use the brush. and while they go pursue philosophy, i work with a plunger.

i know im going to be a failure in life. and i want to deserve it. i want to look back and know that i junked taxpayers money on my 12 years of formal education by my own volition, not because of some patch of tough luck. if i am going to fail, i want to know that i deserved it.

maybe there's a God above, mybe there isn't. if there is he probably isn't with me.

and i probably deserve it.

and Lady Luck probably doesn't smile on me, and my lucky stars probably stopped shining after all the nuclear processes have stopped.

i guess its just too bad.

ive used up all my luck. for a person who has crossed a busy road on the redman at least 10 times in 2 years and havent been knocked down, for a person who crossed the malayan railway track when the train was 10m away, i have been pretty lucky. for a person who lived dangerously, i think ive had a pretty good run on luck.

life's like this.

i cruise down the boulevard of broken dreams, past past failures, along present failures, and right into future failures.

if i ever make it rich next time, its probably because i found a winning lottery ticket. and dont worry, i will use every cent of it prudently, so that from then on, i wont have to clean toiletbowls and urinals and empty the sanitary napkins bins inside the toilets.

but i think i wouldnt mind cleaning the carpets. the carpets in the supreme court, that is. they felt nice and luscious.

of course i think they should pay me good. because if they dont i will be sad.


and please keep the toilets clean.