looking for answers from the great beyond

supposed to be doing my university applications. but havent done a single one. the Social Contract by rousseau has consumed most of my yesterday that i did not spend on porn. was supposed to read it to sharpen my personal statement and all that, especially since i want to show my interest in pursuing philosophy. but i ended up reading it out of interest, more than i should. it is really interesting, but difficult to understand because the arguments are sometimes disjointed and there is a whole lot of digression between his points. i think it has something to do with the poor translation.

went to common apps but i couldnt key in my area code.

irrational exuberance and unjustified fear characterize my sad and short existence. just a few days ago i was high from getting the call. because suddenly the image of fass started fading. but then, i didnt apply to any other scholarship and if my dick gets kicked come wednesday im still going to end up there. i received the usp mail, which is a real foamer pussy mail. was just thinking, they says these are the top 180 students. but then, medfac and lawfac do not participate. so that would be at least 600 students out? and we can assume most of these students probably belong to the creme of nus. and then there are the real men who go oxbridge and hyp. how exactly are those in usp really scholars in the traditional sense of the word?

anyways, my ns is in 13 days. or 12 days, depending on how you count. cant believe it. if theres anything the social contract did, it made me feel like a victim of society's tyranny as it committed me and my life, mine 2 best years to the service of a nation for the greater good of the nation at the expense of the individual, a great expense to me as an individual, incompletely justified but done anyway. i have been subject to it by the Will of the People, of which the Will is a Civil will which is disparate of the individual's Free Will which has now become subordinate to the Civil Will, set a long time before i was borne, committed upon me before my person existed. while i do not accept it, not serving ns is akin to being an enemy of the state, and that allows the state all means at its disposal to diminish and destroy me, as an enemy of the state. i was born free, but am now in the bondage of chains put upon me by the Social Contract which has so far protected me and now askes that i repay of its protection. the state and the sovereign are like shepherds who look after the herd only so that it may devour its members. thuggery and all, not forgotten, but accepted. tyranny on the individual, not unnoticed, but accepted.

in short, damned if i do, damned if i dont.

i really need some feel-good thing to do to lift my sorry self from this state of being. i want to watch high school musical 3 again. vanessa hudgens is hot!