DIE
ies and mfa neva reply to ma emaille.
isit cos they both jointly decided to rejectt mee
oh no
oh no
noooo
die
how?
nuslaw.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
"ho mia peng"
nothing to complain about, my camp life up till now has been good, and i so thank my lucky stars. off friday, off today too. cohesion tomorrow, so like, 5 days in a row no work? and anyway even back in camp also hardly got any decent work to do ya?
very gneiss.
hehe. later goes barbecue.
going to apply to Sciences Po. hope i gets in. i am a real foamer. dont laughs.
bonk.
round
right round
right round
my head spin
round round round
hehe
absinthe
smoke ringgs
very gneiss.
hehe. later goes barbecue.
going to apply to Sciences Po. hope i gets in. i am a real foamer. dont laughs.
bonk.
round
right round
right round
my head spin
round round round
hehe
absinthe
smoke ringgs
Friday, August 21, 2009
floreat
i now find myself at a crossroad on my journey through life (and towards death). discounting that which lead me here, i have 3 options lying ahead, ready to be seized and exploited. law, firefly, sgs. all tantalizing options, all going to affect what i am going to do with most of my waking hours in the years ahead to come.
the life sentence is a nasty cascade of toil, tears, work and worry. where tribulation follows tribulation, until of course, the mother of all tribulation comes knocking. i am a foamer. i want to choose the route with the least pain, even if it might bring along lesser highjoys. i have never liked roller coasters, i have never liked intensity. i like to live within my pathetic little comfort zone. drab it might be, but tranquil. peaceful. safe. secure.
my heart is weak and weary.
and it demands repose.
i hate making decisions. i make bad decisions. i am never bold. and Fortune, she rarely favors me.
i know.
i always throw bad die.
and Regret no longer pays me frequent visits. Regret stays with me, follows me, like my shadow. never leaves me, except when i am in the dark.
Regret, feeds on me, diminishes me. makes me less of a man, more of a pussy.
many times i think i thought i could have, i think i thought i should have. i examine my life too much. every small, quiet moment, i think to myself how things would be different, better, if i had done otherwise. if i had studied harder. if i had been more sociable. if i had been more spontaneous. like a voyeur i scrutinize my mistakes under the microscope in my mind. and like a pervert i make notes to myself. of course, not like an rgs girl, but in my mind.
i like to give things due consideration. i take long to arrive at even the simplest decisions, like whether i should go to macs or eat banmian. for stuffs with longer lasting impact, i take way, way longer. i think much, much harder. over the years, my brain has slown down, even with such gymnastics.
i have fear in me.
fear is useful, like rocks in the hold that help a ship stay its course.
but too much fear, and the boat will sink. everytime i see myself as a ship, i visualize my sinking. this sinking feeling, comes naturally, has become an inalienable part of me.
i cannot bear myself. life is just too tough. all along the way come obstacles. all along the way come choices. and this time around i will make the best of choice.
in some sense, i consider myself quite lucky. this is somewhat a happy problem. i am glad to have been considered for 2 scholarships, albeit 2 not so 'atas' ones. nus law and econs, thats percuniary.
and today i have to make a decision. nus can go bugger itself. doesnt want to give me a scholarship. it can X off. now i am left with 2 options, both promising a glimpse of a somewhat bright future that i have the potential to attain. of course, whether i achieve anything is for tomorrow to know. but today i know i will sign away my career.
especially if i join the foreign service. undeniably, a very specialized job. i think i would like the foreign service, i like all the intricacies and cold calculation the job entails. intrigue in this very machiavellian world beckon. i would pounce at it, but then, if i dislike it in the end, i would have little chance for a complete and real change of job. the job is too specialized, with but a sole employer, the government of singapore. they would have a stranglehold on me. in theory i can join the private sector, but as a small minion. to build my career from the ground up again, after finishing my bond.
ie singapore, undoubtedly, allows for a career switch more easily. after all, one deals with the private sector. this exposure allows for the harnessing of contacts, the building of private relations to be brought along. the knowledge of helping companies to internationalize, the intimacy with process i can gain will make me more valuable to the private sector, than knowledge of dhakali civil law.
i like them scholars too. they are fun people. and i look forward to having these fun people, i hope i can consider them more than acquaintances, as my colleagues. but 5, 6 years down the road, things change, people change. colleagues are also competitors. of course in ies not so much as in mfa, since competition is less intense.
then again, ies is about helping SMEs. they make you foam hard. there are figures to be met, just as in the private sector. i like work where i dont get assessed by quantity, but by quality. and if you get some shit job like water resource, you can just see your numbers crunched till they become unrecognizable. of course, foreign service, it can be worse. with no real data to work with, KPIs on irrelevant things become very important. and i suck at KPIs.
foreign service is massive. there would probably be some place i can find myself slotted in. or at least i hope so. with 40 consulates all over the world, i hope i can go somewhere decent, and achieve something decent, so that i will not commit suicide over my career. ie singapore is david when compared to foreign service, but it is expanding. and i relish being a pioneer, especially on the lost continent. africa. the gods must be crazy there.
the main bad point about foreign service is the fact that there are many psc, and they are admittedly better than those wif sgs. of course, things can change and people can change, and those who do well in council, gaying around and painting banners might not do so well when it comes to sitting in a war room with the likes of dr strangelove. fengshuilunliuzhuan. but its like starting out on a wrong footing, like going into battle with an entrenchment tool against someone with a loaded m16. there is a chance for survival, but a slim chance at best. and in the civil service, perceived ability is very important. sgs is perceived or maybe it is definitely second class.
but then again, ies is relatively small yet it can take it so many scholars. a bit weird. and i thought ie was, hmm, and for this i refer to my posts in november of 2007.
conundrum. tough life.
the life sentence is a nasty cascade of toil, tears, work and worry. where tribulation follows tribulation, until of course, the mother of all tribulation comes knocking. i am a foamer. i want to choose the route with the least pain, even if it might bring along lesser highjoys. i have never liked roller coasters, i have never liked intensity. i like to live within my pathetic little comfort zone. drab it might be, but tranquil. peaceful. safe. secure.
my heart is weak and weary.
and it demands repose.
i hate making decisions. i make bad decisions. i am never bold. and Fortune, she rarely favors me.
i know.
i always throw bad die.
and Regret no longer pays me frequent visits. Regret stays with me, follows me, like my shadow. never leaves me, except when i am in the dark.
Regret, feeds on me, diminishes me. makes me less of a man, more of a pussy.
many times i think i thought i could have, i think i thought i should have. i examine my life too much. every small, quiet moment, i think to myself how things would be different, better, if i had done otherwise. if i had studied harder. if i had been more sociable. if i had been more spontaneous. like a voyeur i scrutinize my mistakes under the microscope in my mind. and like a pervert i make notes to myself. of course, not like an rgs girl, but in my mind.
i like to give things due consideration. i take long to arrive at even the simplest decisions, like whether i should go to macs or eat banmian. for stuffs with longer lasting impact, i take way, way longer. i think much, much harder. over the years, my brain has slown down, even with such gymnastics.
i have fear in me.
fear is useful, like rocks in the hold that help a ship stay its course.
but too much fear, and the boat will sink. everytime i see myself as a ship, i visualize my sinking. this sinking feeling, comes naturally, has become an inalienable part of me.
i cannot bear myself. life is just too tough. all along the way come obstacles. all along the way come choices. and this time around i will make the best of choice.
in some sense, i consider myself quite lucky. this is somewhat a happy problem. i am glad to have been considered for 2 scholarships, albeit 2 not so 'atas' ones. nus law and econs, thats percuniary.
and today i have to make a decision. nus can go bugger itself. doesnt want to give me a scholarship. it can X off. now i am left with 2 options, both promising a glimpse of a somewhat bright future that i have the potential to attain. of course, whether i achieve anything is for tomorrow to know. but today i know i will sign away my career.
especially if i join the foreign service. undeniably, a very specialized job. i think i would like the foreign service, i like all the intricacies and cold calculation the job entails. intrigue in this very machiavellian world beckon. i would pounce at it, but then, if i dislike it in the end, i would have little chance for a complete and real change of job. the job is too specialized, with but a sole employer, the government of singapore. they would have a stranglehold on me. in theory i can join the private sector, but as a small minion. to build my career from the ground up again, after finishing my bond.
ie singapore, undoubtedly, allows for a career switch more easily. after all, one deals with the private sector. this exposure allows for the harnessing of contacts, the building of private relations to be brought along. the knowledge of helping companies to internationalize, the intimacy with process i can gain will make me more valuable to the private sector, than knowledge of dhakali civil law.
i like them scholars too. they are fun people. and i look forward to having these fun people, i hope i can consider them more than acquaintances, as my colleagues. but 5, 6 years down the road, things change, people change. colleagues are also competitors. of course in ies not so much as in mfa, since competition is less intense.
then again, ies is about helping SMEs. they make you foam hard. there are figures to be met, just as in the private sector. i like work where i dont get assessed by quantity, but by quality. and if you get some shit job like water resource, you can just see your numbers crunched till they become unrecognizable. of course, foreign service, it can be worse. with no real data to work with, KPIs on irrelevant things become very important. and i suck at KPIs.
foreign service is massive. there would probably be some place i can find myself slotted in. or at least i hope so. with 40 consulates all over the world, i hope i can go somewhere decent, and achieve something decent, so that i will not commit suicide over my career. ie singapore is david when compared to foreign service, but it is expanding. and i relish being a pioneer, especially on the lost continent. africa. the gods must be crazy there.
the main bad point about foreign service is the fact that there are many psc, and they are admittedly better than those wif sgs. of course, things can change and people can change, and those who do well in council, gaying around and painting banners might not do so well when it comes to sitting in a war room with the likes of dr strangelove. fengshuilunliuzhuan. but its like starting out on a wrong footing, like going into battle with an entrenchment tool against someone with a loaded m16. there is a chance for survival, but a slim chance at best. and in the civil service, perceived ability is very important. sgs is perceived or maybe it is definitely second class.
but then again, ies is relatively small yet it can take it so many scholars. a bit weird. and i thought ie was, hmm, and for this i refer to my posts in november of 2007.
conundrum. tough life.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
that's the way it should be
pupectomy - $250
knn
im going to study dentistry. its good money man. and you make people happy. of course, that half hour was pure agony as my gum got injected 5 times, my teeth got scrapped raw, blood spurted onto the dentist's hair. times like this make faith in God very important, how to get through all this nonsense. hehe.
on a separate and irrelevant note. happy birthday singapore.
majulah singapura!
what do you see?
knn
im going to study dentistry. its good money man. and you make people happy. of course, that half hour was pure agony as my gum got injected 5 times, my teeth got scrapped raw, blood spurted onto the dentist's hair. times like this make faith in God very important, how to get through all this nonsense. hehe.
on a separate and irrelevant note. happy birthday singapore.
majulah singapura!
what do you see?
sentenced not to death, but to life, and what suffering it might bring
until death, the last anticipated and long awaited eternal rest.
with a broken molar (1-7) and a toothache so bad my whole right side is throbbing, i cannot agree more. my dents have always been poor. and i hardly see the dentist. i remember the last time i saw the dentist, i was in ri. got 3 teeth extracted. in one session. my mouth was numb for like 6 hours and my gums bled for 1 day. i still have milk teeth. many. this broken molar apparently being one of them.
saw the dentist when i was still at nee soon camp. she was one dilf. dentist i'd love to fk. quite a harrowing experience, the camp dentist. she got an xray done of my tooth. the dental film was shoved in on a receptacle, and the roof of my mouth got cut. it bled. for the next few days, it hardly healed. might have gotten myself some blood poisoning. supposed to have seen the dentist again thursday past, but i was revocated and moved over to iti, where i meet sammytho.
left my neesoon guardhouse life behind of me. i enjoyed that period immensly. 4 hours of duty a day, some random saigang, and then i was free to apprendre grammaire, entertain myself on ebuddy, fool around on facebook, win monopoly, take risks, sleep and pick up smoking. the first stick, i felt the same as italo svevo's zeno in zeno's conscience. i broke out in cold sweat, my heart beated fastly, and the first puff was not sweet, but then the second puff got better. it cleared my throat, expanded my lungs and sharpened my thoughts. but i havent yet savored another stick.
but as schopenhauer so elegantly mentioned, life is but work, worry, toil and tears. we were constantly terrorized by coyline, over our nights offs and scanning for food. our contemporaries were jealous, and the higher ups were sadistic. i still remember leaving on a bus and then getting called back because of a ruse over h1n1. i will always remember. those bastards. i will also remember them making us scan for food we did not consume. and more. but i guess if life were only the guardhouse, we would lose direction. just as weight slowed down ships, weight helps them stay on course. since before mercantilism, holds of ships had to be filled.
i did not like my first week in the guardhouse, but it got better. we got to know the guards and the guards became more familiar with us. we had fun. i made many friends. the complex sm was very nice. he let me bookout many times, and he let me book out to send my brother off. i think the faggot in coyline would never have allowed. i almost can say, i know for sure he wont.
my first days in iti i know not yet how it is. but i hope its good, i hope i get to stay out, i wish i hope i may. that i will not take anything for granted, and face every tribulation bravely, and possibly, with a smile on my face.
life is fun and exciting.
with a broken molar (1-7) and a toothache so bad my whole right side is throbbing, i cannot agree more. my dents have always been poor. and i hardly see the dentist. i remember the last time i saw the dentist, i was in ri. got 3 teeth extracted. in one session. my mouth was numb for like 6 hours and my gums bled for 1 day. i still have milk teeth. many. this broken molar apparently being one of them.
saw the dentist when i was still at nee soon camp. she was one dilf. dentist i'd love to fk. quite a harrowing experience, the camp dentist. she got an xray done of my tooth. the dental film was shoved in on a receptacle, and the roof of my mouth got cut. it bled. for the next few days, it hardly healed. might have gotten myself some blood poisoning. supposed to have seen the dentist again thursday past, but i was revocated and moved over to iti, where i meet sammytho.
left my neesoon guardhouse life behind of me. i enjoyed that period immensly. 4 hours of duty a day, some random saigang, and then i was free to apprendre grammaire, entertain myself on ebuddy, fool around on facebook, win monopoly, take risks, sleep and pick up smoking. the first stick, i felt the same as italo svevo's zeno in zeno's conscience. i broke out in cold sweat, my heart beated fastly, and the first puff was not sweet, but then the second puff got better. it cleared my throat, expanded my lungs and sharpened my thoughts. but i havent yet savored another stick.
but as schopenhauer so elegantly mentioned, life is but work, worry, toil and tears. we were constantly terrorized by coyline, over our nights offs and scanning for food. our contemporaries were jealous, and the higher ups were sadistic. i still remember leaving on a bus and then getting called back because of a ruse over h1n1. i will always remember. those bastards. i will also remember them making us scan for food we did not consume. and more. but i guess if life were only the guardhouse, we would lose direction. just as weight slowed down ships, weight helps them stay on course. since before mercantilism, holds of ships had to be filled.
i did not like my first week in the guardhouse, but it got better. we got to know the guards and the guards became more familiar with us. we had fun. i made many friends. the complex sm was very nice. he let me bookout many times, and he let me book out to send my brother off. i think the faggot in coyline would never have allowed. i almost can say, i know for sure he wont.
my first days in iti i know not yet how it is. but i hope its good, i hope i get to stay out, i wish i hope i may. that i will not take anything for granted, and face every tribulation bravely, and possibly, with a smile on my face.
life is fun and exciting.
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