roulette

booking in later. life sucks.

hope guardhouse work will turn out just fine.

gonna learn myself driving.

eudaimon

the week i wallowed in a sea of calm boredom, with nary much real stuff to do. saved from the monotony by Arion's dolphin, in the form of Plato's The Republic. hahas. i like the book a lot, although I think Socrates relies too much on analogies, and some analogies are clearly bad. how he reaches the conclusion that the soul is immortal makes me foam.

he rightly points out that philosophers are useless or dangerous, because either they think too much of a simplistic world of pure and honest individuals or they are just pretentious bastards. his republic will never work and surely degenerate, because he demands too much of his phulakes, or Guardians, requiring they be good fighters and good philosophers. quite hard. and his foamer ideas also dont work because there is no way to test the 'heavenly metals' in a person. not paying them is a joke, and no matter how much Reason a person has, his Ambition and Desire will also have some say in his life.

math (reason) appeal less to a common man than sex, after all, as thrasymachus rightly pointed out. sex affects everything and as homer mentioned, even zeus forgot the plan he thought of all night when he saw the silhouette of hera in the glow of the moonlight.

eugenics has gained much ground, although we do not expose the flawed babies as he suggest. meritocracy is in fact what contributes to his aristocracy and all. his revolutionary idea of breaking up the family unit and allowing all the returning winners to fuck all they please to produce the fittest young is a bit too extreme to seriously implement. social upheavel requires dissenssion in the ruling class, but for such serious displacement of the social order, much more is required.

else time, i read FHM Asian Edition. some special edition thingy. Ann Wu and Stacy Chou are HOTT HOTT HOTT man! taiwan is the bomb place. "boys liked to spank my butt when i was in school". "my friends call me papaya tree because i am slim but my top is heavy". but the quote that struck me most was "sex is about releasing the heat. making love is that and emotions". wow. cheem sia.

booked out on monday to buy foam cutter. i was foaming. ooc really can anyhow book out and do shit.

went to send zhenan off. met him at pp, went to his hostel and then to the airport. after almost 5 years in sgpore, i think he might forever not return. thats not a bad thing, for both singapore and him. there is one less prc and i dont see much that singapore has to offer. at least he neednt the servitude to which me and my 'brothers in arms' have been subjected.

its a close of a chapter, really. i consider myself lucky to have ever known well a chink as him, that not all chinks are one monolithic whole of a bastardic community bent on cheating the world. in china, honesty is one funny word. so is generosity. hehe. glad he isnt much like that.

anyways his people liberation army, victoria edition sent him off. aaron teoh also got off pass to send him off. aslc is one fun place lol. loves it lots.

tomorrow book in, sian. kena attached to guard room. hope it isnt fucked up. cannot sleep from dusk to dawn and dawn to dusk anymore. haiz. but neverminds, got tv and internet. yays.

the delicacy of life

every moment
something comes along to knock
some life out of me.

the cars have come to knock me down
the durians to poison me.

smoke i inhale intently
medicine that i abuse.

life was beautiful
still is

but i have grown weary.

mayflower

as expected, chevrons was a waste of time. cohesion is nothing but a waste of time. many people were late, and the real men among us got themselves excused. went to the same loser audi, now with engineers replacing golfers. baah. saving private ryan, a refreshing portrayal. macabre, but somewhat more realistic than all those romanticized nonsense. i am afraid of Death, even though i know that Death is drawing closer with every breath i take. i think war has become more humane now. we wont experience the agony of our orifices spilling out along a sandy beach or of our limbs getting blown to smithers. i think nkorea is going to get us all. our eyes will collapse into a pile of come, and our flesh will burn off of our bones before we even collapse to the ground. very nice.

anyways, bowling was a waste of time because i couldnt bowl. ended up destroying lane 20 of orchid bowl. i lobbed a 13pounder upwards and outwards in homage to seah and projectile motion. it came down and thundered, and lo, there was an indentation in the lane. fuck it, its not my lane.

wild wild wet. got baked in the hot sun. now my skin is red as hell. it is cracking and blistering. i hate the sun. no, wrong. i hate staying in the sun. i think i should see the MO for a downgrade to E9L9 for melanine deficiency. hah. but fuck that wont happen. no one cares for the hippocratic oath anymore.

went out with zhenan, stho and mark. met many others around city hall. somehow many like to lurk in the environs of old ri. pussiness. soon zhenan will be gone to china, and mark to medicine. stho is leading a happy stayout life. screw all of them. anyways, the chapter is probably coming to a close, now is a good time to start a new chapter, especially for zhegay. theres nothing to be sad about leaving friends behind. after a while, i think we will forget too. i know. i have forgotten clean almost everything about primary school. it is important to enjoy the present, and know that you enjoyed the past. if the past cannot translate into the present and possibly an enduring future, then so be it.

life goes on.

today is aaron's most important day

her birthday mah.

none of my business
OOC BUNKER
closer to God
nearer to heaven
among the clouds

time travels faster here than down there
as hawking declares.
ahaha.

everyday just read books in office
do saigang

my list for the week
Plato's The Republic
Mahbubani's The Age of Innocence
Machiavelli's The Prince

Go me Go!

stop sucking thumb

thumb sucking must stop.
we have a choice.
seize the day.
do it.
the days of lanlansuckthumb are over. we the young ones should not be held as hostages of hate. even if we have to be slaves, we can be bad slaves. such lousy slaves, that we are no longer worthy as slaves. they will whip, chain, yank, shank, castrate and fuck us, but we should not surrender. our heads may become bloodied, but we shall remain unbowed. the apparition of gandhi will appear as we start our non-violent resistance, not for ourselves and ourselves alone, but for the others who will come after us. let us do something meaningful so that for all posterity the suffering would be a figment of the past, a nightmare they will not have to suffer. let this bondage gain the patina of the belgian congo. that will be remembered, but never again experienced.

else,
i've decided to be more positive about nslife. i will try to enjoy my ordeal as best as i can. just like rape victims should try to enjoy their ordeals so that the perverts do not gain full comfort and control as part of their satisfaction.

i've become a celebrity and a consultant after getting ooc-ed. everyone needs some advice, and as a nice friend i am ever willing to share. like william tan, i like making a difference.

this frenzy that erupts about the OOCs and the downpessers
really spakes volumes of our love for national service and the manliness of the men who carry the pink.

only in this period of bondage does being injured become a good thing. almost everyone wants to hurt himself, not for a purple heart, or duty, honor, country, but for the 'c' behind their pes. somehow, it is like getting 'excused heavy load' and throwing down the yoke of oppression. the yoke's down, but you are still shackled. an improvement, anyhows.

yupp, they treat you as humanely as possible, like in guantanamo bay, for the very same reasons that treat you so, in guantanamo bay.

life is beautiful

if and only if you

O.O.C.

OOC

I did it.

in the mean time,

got myself exRMJ exIPPT until 31082009.
brilliant.
lovely.

MO is nice guy.
asked me if i like lady gaga.

i says, "yes, sir"

he says, "good for you"

...

"let me see your mri" says he.

...

"WHOA JIALAT JIALAT. confirm going to medical board. i am going to take you out of course. "

flips OOC n downpes book

"C2, after op C9, permanent"

i sign medical board form.

decided i did not want to wear uniform. tells him i feel itchy. after going to north gate field everyone itched. exuniform 1 week. am i a man or what..

lalala.

life in camp is sooo good when you are a man of status. like me.

人必有一死,或重于泰山,或轻于鸿毛

life has lost its meaning.

why do so many value life so much? so much is spent every year by so many on such hopes to extend life. immortality seems quite impossible, at least immortality in our state of flesh. because then time would become irrelevant and opportunity would become meaningless. time exists because we cannot all at once perceive everything around us, so they appear to us at distinct and disparate instances. immortality would allow us to perceive again, to try again. immortality confers the chance to restart, to redo. then, carpe diem would cease. life is beautiful because it is ephermeral, just like the crazy nips appreciate the sakura because they die fast.

i have come to be amazed by how people can value life so much. the old, sick and weak pressuring forward. the retired who do nothing much but gardening and popping pills to kill time and keep themselves alive to kill time. the centenarian who does yoga to keep healthy, to live longer to do more yoga.

i havent smiled in a long time. i havent really laughed in a long time. whenever i laugh something inside feels sickened, twisted. i aske myself, why, and i know not the answer. perhaps some baser emotions. that i can understand, but beyond that, i know not the will to live. the pursuit of happiness doesnt seem to make any sense to me anymore. mostly i see the pursuit coming to nought, the sacrifice of present satisfaction vaporise as the future satisfaction fails to materialize. and even when that endstate i yearned for so luckily comes to being, i am again lost in another endeavor.

always we set goals, for a better future. a brighter tomorrow. but at what cost, and for what future? will earning mountains of money make me happy? will becoming a corporate bigwig make me happy? will becoming a leader of men make me happy? surely they will, in some ways, but will i not be happy being a pauper, in some wicked, twisted way? i dont know. high flyer, why, high flyer?

maybe life is sad because my life revolves around myself. some say, living for others is most satisfying. i have never found that the case. i have refrained from attachment since my goldfish died when i was 7. it hurt.

i know not what im doing, why am i thinking and for what i am living. sometimes, i just want to extract myself from all these sensory experiences. but i havent yet done drugs. the older i become, the more my life resembles that in the state of nature. of threats and compellence, as those in power seek to oppress the weak and feed on them. dulce et decorum est, pro patria mori. propaganda. and later i am going to feed on it as i book in to continue my miserable experience for another 1.5 years.

the only reason that i am still alive is because i do not know what happens in death. do i stay in limbo, trapped in my coffin to wait for domesday? or would my conscious just disappear? i dont know. and i am afraid of what i dont know. maybe i should break out, take the chance. but i am a wuss. i am afraid of the unknown. i am afraid of death.

i dont want to die. i just wish i had never been born at all.

d-day

will never be brave enough for D-Day
would not throw myself onto a french beach head
with rain and howling winds
wehrmacht machine gunners spraying at me.

those were brave men
who sacrificed so the jews may be free
who were part of the force for liberation
and the force for freedom
will never have the balls to be among them

unless, of course, im forced.
you know, 'death for deserters'.

ETIBTCSTW-FUBAR

nothing positive about the last 2 weeks.
lectures day on end
know not whats happening

practicals and
teamwork
euphemism for
free-ridership.
i ride freely

ever so often
toying with my life
detonator crimping
petn explosive.
that looks and smells
like white rabbit sweet
tough.

stupid ite bastards
screwing the course up.
tamilas like to kill tamilas.
right. stupid staff, stupid coursemates.
keep torturing his fellow tamilas

at the same time denying us of restt.

exLL 1 month and im still not ooc.
how.