isnt life just great when you're the only medically fit ns liable guy in class to fail napfa? isnt it great to be special, to be the one who has to spend 2 years while everybody else spends 1 year 10 months?
to a huge extent i probably brought it upon myself, but i guess its too late to cry over spilt milk. because i cannot pass napfa, my already minute chance of making it to command school has been further diminished. i know i can still get somewhere there if i get a silver for napfa during ns, but it is tough.
many people would say it is unfair, because everyone is built differently. and then some will complain that there is a gulf between the guy's level to fail and the girls' level to A. but nothings worth complaining about, because life is life. as much as i hate it, its my life.
problem is, i dont even have a chance to do it my way and pimp it like i want.
grad night tabling is mother tough because i cant get a table. im unwanted. anyway my class table is shit with so many prcs.
today was uk uni talk and lt2 was almost completely filled. with my set of crap grades i clearly didnt belong in the tophalf of those assembled, and i only want to go to the few decent schools. clearly i am deluded, or i have to be bloody lucky.
i guess nus is really the way to go. the place to be.
if i can get in, that is.
<3 NUS FASS
when ur a pussy, uve got to try to be a happy pussy. nusfass is probably going to be a good place for pussies like me. i will love it. or at least i will grow to. because im a pussy and its pussy, we were probably made for each other.
of course im going to have to mug hard to get my As so i get to chuse my desired major.
anyways, i am very honored and humbled that lenny the man still friends a pussy like me.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
house of cards
why do we study? for what do we study?
i think the more pertinent question is why do we live and as a supplement for what do we live.
in the long run, everybody is dead.
if we live in pursuit of material satisfaction, then we are better off dead, because theres never enough material satisfaction to go around. as malthus so rightly pointed out, the way we are going, scarcity is only going to become a bigger problem.
if we live to be the best, the Man of Men, then clearly many of us would be disappointed. because there can only be one Man of many Men, and many of us mere Men are far too base to be the Man of the many Men. here we do not talk about gods who are 2nd in the world for chem olympiad or 5th in the world for bio olympiad. just Men who do meinly stuffs like eatbanmian or do thousands of hours of cip. and such men are few and far between.
yesterday after vasantham central ended the tv was tuned to artscentral and was talking about eunuchs. they go voluntarily castrate themselves just to live within the walls of the forbidden city and in a world of intrigue where they vie to possess and steal the most prized treasures within those walls. what for?
i was quite rather troubled as i saw mutilated incomplete men, literally with no balls. vying for that lustrous red jade tablet or that gold kirin. then they have to hide their deed and live in fear. seriously i wonder why do they live. and why do they do that, because soon enough they would run the full length of life, and then they cannot bring along their possesions for the next leg of their journey.
i guess everyone has his own indulgence. maybe without dicks, they can no longer engage that much in carnal desires and fantasies, so they then indulge themselves someplace else to keep themselves entertained, and satisfied.
maybe if i castrated myself, i can lower my libido. and then maybe i can channel my obsession to mugging and increase my already heightened desire for good results. so i dont have to satisfy my other urges, i can dive in to group vii with glee and rape statistics over the weekdays and over the weekends.
but if i were castrated i dont see the point in living, much less the point in owning the exams.
i guess my manhood is an inalienable part of my person. i cant even risk getting it bittenoff in a blowjob gonewrong.
i can answer the question on why should we study, but i shant endeavor to answer it here.
but i am still thinking about for what do i live.
i live for myself. people say that living for oneself is not the most fulfilling, living for others is. somehow, if one lived for others, one can be happier. someone should lose himself in his application to others so he can gain the most for himself.
how so? why should we live for others? does kindness beget kindness? clearly not. im just confused about altruism and helping others for the sake of helping others without any notion of personal gain.
as i approach majority, i wonder what i should be doing going forward in life. i know i have to mug hard, because with a good degree from a good school, i can still chuse to be a cleaner with xyz cleaning company, but without such a good degree from such a good school, i can still be a cleaner of xyz cleaning company but not abc hardrape company. thing is, im still in minority and i dont know how im going to perceive life in the future.
much as i believe in karma and reincarnation, theres still this nagging doubt lingering in me and engulfing me mind. i always wonder, what if i only lived once, and then when i die my Conscious ceases to exist. it scares me, now as ever.
and i wonder why i have to be good, why i should help the poor, why i should not surf porn and the like. they say its because there's God above. then i wonder, if God loved His children then why will he expose them to stuff that would incur His wrath and eternal damnation? after all, God as we like to believe is supposed to be omniscient and infallible. if God gave us the freedom to choose our path, why should we be punished for making a wrong choice, but a mere fault in his eternal mind? i always wonder.
anyway the female body is one of God's greatest creations, and if a nice specimen is placed forth of us, should we not lust? of course, we are not talking about females as sex objects. we are just looking at one aspect of the female. and i dont see how this is degrading.
i can accept the harm principle, but clearly i dont see whats wrong with taking drugs or surfing porn. i cannot accept how one can harm himself, or why one should be stopped from harming onself. yes, one doesnt live for himself, but surely there must be a limit placed on society to prvent society from nfringing upon the rights of the individual, shouldnt there be?
i dont know why i live. because as far as i see it, life is going to get more and more depressing. i dont know if i can live through my walk through the damp and dark tunnel until i see the light.
i think the more pertinent question is why do we live and as a supplement for what do we live.
in the long run, everybody is dead.
if we live in pursuit of material satisfaction, then we are better off dead, because theres never enough material satisfaction to go around. as malthus so rightly pointed out, the way we are going, scarcity is only going to become a bigger problem.
if we live to be the best, the Man of Men, then clearly many of us would be disappointed. because there can only be one Man of many Men, and many of us mere Men are far too base to be the Man of the many Men. here we do not talk about gods who are 2nd in the world for chem olympiad or 5th in the world for bio olympiad. just Men who do meinly stuffs like eatbanmian or do thousands of hours of cip. and such men are few and far between.
yesterday after vasantham central ended the tv was tuned to artscentral and was talking about eunuchs. they go voluntarily castrate themselves just to live within the walls of the forbidden city and in a world of intrigue where they vie to possess and steal the most prized treasures within those walls. what for?
i was quite rather troubled as i saw mutilated incomplete men, literally with no balls. vying for that lustrous red jade tablet or that gold kirin. then they have to hide their deed and live in fear. seriously i wonder why do they live. and why do they do that, because soon enough they would run the full length of life, and then they cannot bring along their possesions for the next leg of their journey.
i guess everyone has his own indulgence. maybe without dicks, they can no longer engage that much in carnal desires and fantasies, so they then indulge themselves someplace else to keep themselves entertained, and satisfied.
maybe if i castrated myself, i can lower my libido. and then maybe i can channel my obsession to mugging and increase my already heightened desire for good results. so i dont have to satisfy my other urges, i can dive in to group vii with glee and rape statistics over the weekdays and over the weekends.
but if i were castrated i dont see the point in living, much less the point in owning the exams.
i guess my manhood is an inalienable part of my person. i cant even risk getting it bittenoff in a blowjob gonewrong.
i can answer the question on why should we study, but i shant endeavor to answer it here.
but i am still thinking about for what do i live.
i live for myself. people say that living for oneself is not the most fulfilling, living for others is. somehow, if one lived for others, one can be happier. someone should lose himself in his application to others so he can gain the most for himself.
how so? why should we live for others? does kindness beget kindness? clearly not. im just confused about altruism and helping others for the sake of helping others without any notion of personal gain.
as i approach majority, i wonder what i should be doing going forward in life. i know i have to mug hard, because with a good degree from a good school, i can still chuse to be a cleaner with xyz cleaning company, but without such a good degree from such a good school, i can still be a cleaner of xyz cleaning company but not abc hardrape company. thing is, im still in minority and i dont know how im going to perceive life in the future.
much as i believe in karma and reincarnation, theres still this nagging doubt lingering in me and engulfing me mind. i always wonder, what if i only lived once, and then when i die my Conscious ceases to exist. it scares me, now as ever.
and i wonder why i have to be good, why i should help the poor, why i should not surf porn and the like. they say its because there's God above. then i wonder, if God loved His children then why will he expose them to stuff that would incur His wrath and eternal damnation? after all, God as we like to believe is supposed to be omniscient and infallible. if God gave us the freedom to choose our path, why should we be punished for making a wrong choice, but a mere fault in his eternal mind? i always wonder.
anyway the female body is one of God's greatest creations, and if a nice specimen is placed forth of us, should we not lust? of course, we are not talking about females as sex objects. we are just looking at one aspect of the female. and i dont see how this is degrading.
i can accept the harm principle, but clearly i dont see whats wrong with taking drugs or surfing porn. i cannot accept how one can harm himself, or why one should be stopped from harming onself. yes, one doesnt live for himself, but surely there must be a limit placed on society to prvent society from nfringing upon the rights of the individual, shouldnt there be?
i dont know why i live. because as far as i see it, life is going to get more and more depressing. i dont know if i can live through my walk through the damp and dark tunnel until i see the light.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
she was the hottest thing in the cold room
went for the edb talk today. it was quite boring. i guess i got pretty turned off when they said they want engineers. and i cant wait to kick science out of my life. i think engineering is somewhat science-y.
there were many people who shouldnt have been there. theres the attorneygeneral's twins, who shouldnt have been there cos they are in the arts stream and they want to do law. theres juanhe who shouldnt be there because the president's schship is so much better than the edb schship. of course there are many a rich dicks who shouldnt be there.
and then theres me.
the chairman said something like, the best way to predict the future is to create it.
in other words, each the master of his own destiny.
and theres me, the architect of mine own failure.
at my table were guys from 4p, mark, yuanwei, zhenan n a girl. i think at the table, i had the worst set of ct grades. almost all of them had 3As, and all of them probably have a deans list. or two, or three. i have one A, and no deans list.
at my table were a canoeist, a floorballer, a councilor, an srp Man. the canoeist was my boss in ncc and the chair of the rafflesian in ri, the floorballer my big boss in ncc, the councilor a prc, and then theres a vicechair of richess. my non academic achievements most probably pale among theirs.
i look around, and i see people with multiple deans lists, people from council, befrienders, ogls with thousands of service hours. i look around, i see people offered the 13th unit, people with impressive sat scores, people who have won dubious and impressive awards.
i dont even know why i was there, or how i got there. i obviously shouldnt have been there. from the moment we sat down, my mind cleared. i know where i should be. i see myself in the future. in the ite. while everyone goes to the ivies, i go to the ite. while they go pursue maths, i go learn to use my hands, and a mop. while they go pursue business, i go learn to use the brush. and while they go pursue philosophy, i work with a plunger.
i know im going to be a failure in life. and i want to deserve it. i want to look back and know that i junked taxpayers money on my 12 years of formal education by my own volition, not because of some patch of tough luck. if i am going to fail, i want to know that i deserved it.
maybe there's a God above, mybe there isn't. if there is he probably isn't with me.
and i probably deserve it.
and Lady Luck probably doesn't smile on me, and my lucky stars probably stopped shining after all the nuclear processes have stopped.
i guess its just too bad.
ive used up all my luck. for a person who has crossed a busy road on the redman at least 10 times in 2 years and havent been knocked down, for a person who crossed the malayan railway track when the train was 10m away, i have been pretty lucky. for a person who lived dangerously, i think ive had a pretty good run on luck.
life's like this.
i cruise down the boulevard of broken dreams, past past failures, along present failures, and right into future failures.
if i ever make it rich next time, its probably because i found a winning lottery ticket. and dont worry, i will use every cent of it prudently, so that from then on, i wont have to clean toiletbowls and urinals and empty the sanitary napkins bins inside the toilets.
but i think i wouldnt mind cleaning the carpets. the carpets in the supreme court, that is. they felt nice and luscious.
of course i think they should pay me good. because if they dont i will be sad.
and please keep the toilets clean.
there were many people who shouldnt have been there. theres the attorneygeneral's twins, who shouldnt have been there cos they are in the arts stream and they want to do law. theres juanhe who shouldnt be there because the president's schship is so much better than the edb schship. of course there are many a rich dicks who shouldnt be there.
and then theres me.
the chairman said something like, the best way to predict the future is to create it.
in other words, each the master of his own destiny.
and theres me, the architect of mine own failure.
at my table were guys from 4p, mark, yuanwei, zhenan n a girl. i think at the table, i had the worst set of ct grades. almost all of them had 3As, and all of them probably have a deans list. or two, or three. i have one A, and no deans list.
at my table were a canoeist, a floorballer, a councilor, an srp Man. the canoeist was my boss in ncc and the chair of the rafflesian in ri, the floorballer my big boss in ncc, the councilor a prc, and then theres a vicechair of richess. my non academic achievements most probably pale among theirs.
i look around, and i see people with multiple deans lists, people from council, befrienders, ogls with thousands of service hours. i look around, i see people offered the 13th unit, people with impressive sat scores, people who have won dubious and impressive awards.
i dont even know why i was there, or how i got there. i obviously shouldnt have been there. from the moment we sat down, my mind cleared. i know where i should be. i see myself in the future. in the ite. while everyone goes to the ivies, i go to the ite. while they go pursue maths, i go learn to use my hands, and a mop. while they go pursue business, i go learn to use the brush. and while they go pursue philosophy, i work with a plunger.
i know im going to be a failure in life. and i want to deserve it. i want to look back and know that i junked taxpayers money on my 12 years of formal education by my own volition, not because of some patch of tough luck. if i am going to fail, i want to know that i deserved it.
maybe there's a God above, mybe there isn't. if there is he probably isn't with me.
and i probably deserve it.
and Lady Luck probably doesn't smile on me, and my lucky stars probably stopped shining after all the nuclear processes have stopped.
i guess its just too bad.
ive used up all my luck. for a person who has crossed a busy road on the redman at least 10 times in 2 years and havent been knocked down, for a person who crossed the malayan railway track when the train was 10m away, i have been pretty lucky. for a person who lived dangerously, i think ive had a pretty good run on luck.
life's like this.
i cruise down the boulevard of broken dreams, past past failures, along present failures, and right into future failures.
if i ever make it rich next time, its probably because i found a winning lottery ticket. and dont worry, i will use every cent of it prudently, so that from then on, i wont have to clean toiletbowls and urinals and empty the sanitary napkins bins inside the toilets.
but i think i wouldnt mind cleaning the carpets. the carpets in the supreme court, that is. they felt nice and luscious.
of course i think they should pay me good. because if they dont i will be sad.
and please keep the toilets clean.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
miserere mei deus
while everyone is crazily mugging away, i spent yesterday at the poolside of a condo looking at skimpily clad babes lounging in the pool. as they flicked their long and luscious hair and have me full view of them, i forgot all my woes of my woeful life. these were real hotties, with near barbie proportions. they werent fat or thin, just right. they werent tall or short, just right.
i know it would be great to live in condos. especially condos along dunearn.
the only proper thing i did the weekend, was to file up my stuff and clear my bag and table. nothing else. i have otherwise been watching depraved jacky wu shows or settling stupid stuff like my slpi n rcas evaluatn.
and tonight my cousins will be coming over.
i know it would be great to live in condos. especially condos along dunearn.
the only proper thing i did the weekend, was to file up my stuff and clear my bag and table. nothing else. i have otherwise been watching depraved jacky wu shows or settling stupid stuff like my slpi n rcas evaluatn.
and tonight my cousins will be coming over.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
SGC (on CIP)
In the two-thousand and seventh and two-thousand and eighth Year of the Lord, (Yours truly) worked with hiscenteratmoulmein to tutor children from underprivileged families (with PSPs and N95s that yours truly would own only in his most daring and wildest dreams) weekly. He coached them in math and science (and sometimes english, despite his ownage string of Bs and a C in his common test), in the process helping a student fail even worse. Yours truly organized Puny Asterisks Camp 2008 for children from the said center and Shine to inculcate the values of teamwork, honesty and trust in the children. the only successful thing about the camp was that it happened. besides a loss of 2 participants on the first day and the complete waste of time on the second, the camp was an overwhelming success. in general, our target group enjoyed and benefited from the camp. (actually the target group represented like 20% of the participants of the camp because the center invited virtually everybody from 5 to 14 years of aeg. Yours truly clocked more hours of cip in 2 years in rj than 4 years in ri, which was already more than double that in 6 years at nhps. yours truly's heart has grown exponentially.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
an unexamined life is not worth living
the converse is not true though.
B for math, what more can i say.
i knew i did badly, but B is unacceptable, expected or otherwise.
.ABBBC.
ooo baby. my result slip will be obscene like a pornography poster. with all the vulgar bits but no satisfaction to be gained from possessing it.
yups shouldnt have bothered about going for that scholarship fair on saturday. with this kinda grades, i dont think i can even get into law or economics at nus or a smu. law requires good gp, above all, and what do i get? a B for GP. econs requires good mathematics, and i also get a B.
theres always a first time to everything. the first time i surfed, the first time i wacked off, the first time i drank, the first time i swore.
ct2 is a milestone. its the first time i get anything less than an A for gp and math, and the first time i got myself a C for chem. says a lot about me ya. i am winning the race to the bottom, as my percentiles drop fast. real fast.
a nice transcript is something that everybody lusts for, myself included. this huge lust is especially apparent in rj. when u have spent a disproportionate amount of taxpayers money, i guess u have to do decently good to justify the additional expenditure.
doing well at school is an addiction, but i dont see the government put a stop to it. like they have anti smoking campaigns and campaigns to tackle alcoholism and the like. doing well at school, in the form of getting good results have detrimental effects, tradeoffs. of course, for the brilliant boys like lq, ronald and stho and mark, the tradeoff is minimal. the opp cost is low and they have a comparative advantage.
but for the rest of us, mere mortals, and me the subhuman, doing well in school is tough. a nice transcript. i yearn for it, and never achieve it. sometimes i work hard for it, sometimes i dont. anyhow, i go away disappointed, devastated, conquered.
Under the bludgeoning of Chance, my head is bloody, and BOWED. i am no henley. i cannot be, especially when most of the time i, as the master of my destiny and the captain of my soul, have brought the mess upon myself. thanks to my lack of attention in class, i got a B for math from getting almost all the deductible presentation marks deducted. i even got myself a 1/7 for the complex number question cos my diagram was too puerile to even deserve another mark more.
life is tough when you make it tough and it gets tougher. unlike lennon, i cannot piss for peace or eat for peace and sleep for peace. life is so damn tough, especially when ur mind gets raped over and over again.
i think its time for some relief. its time for a masturbatathon.
B for math, what more can i say.
i knew i did badly, but B is unacceptable, expected or otherwise.
.ABBBC.
ooo baby. my result slip will be obscene like a pornography poster. with all the vulgar bits but no satisfaction to be gained from possessing it.
yups shouldnt have bothered about going for that scholarship fair on saturday. with this kinda grades, i dont think i can even get into law or economics at nus or a smu. law requires good gp, above all, and what do i get? a B for GP. econs requires good mathematics, and i also get a B.
theres always a first time to everything. the first time i surfed, the first time i wacked off, the first time i drank, the first time i swore.
ct2 is a milestone. its the first time i get anything less than an A for gp and math, and the first time i got myself a C for chem. says a lot about me ya. i am winning the race to the bottom, as my percentiles drop fast. real fast.
a nice transcript is something that everybody lusts for, myself included. this huge lust is especially apparent in rj. when u have spent a disproportionate amount of taxpayers money, i guess u have to do decently good to justify the additional expenditure.
doing well at school is an addiction, but i dont see the government put a stop to it. like they have anti smoking campaigns and campaigns to tackle alcoholism and the like. doing well at school, in the form of getting good results have detrimental effects, tradeoffs. of course, for the brilliant boys like lq, ronald and stho and mark, the tradeoff is minimal. the opp cost is low and they have a comparative advantage.
but for the rest of us, mere mortals, and me the subhuman, doing well in school is tough. a nice transcript. i yearn for it, and never achieve it. sometimes i work hard for it, sometimes i dont. anyhow, i go away disappointed, devastated, conquered.
Under the bludgeoning of Chance, my head is bloody, and BOWED. i am no henley. i cannot be, especially when most of the time i, as the master of my destiny and the captain of my soul, have brought the mess upon myself. thanks to my lack of attention in class, i got a B for math from getting almost all the deductible presentation marks deducted. i even got myself a 1/7 for the complex number question cos my diagram was too puerile to even deserve another mark more.
life is tough when you make it tough and it gets tougher. unlike lennon, i cannot piss for peace or eat for peace and sleep for peace. life is so damn tough, especially when ur mind gets raped over and over again.
i think its time for some relief. its time for a masturbatathon.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
2779A
today i took the gay nokia 156 bus home. which was quite a pussy bus, if not for the fact that there was an ac girl with hot legs sitting across from me and pretty strong air conditioning. its quite easy for me to find legs hot. as long as they are relatively hairless and not sausage looking or boney.
i took the buss all the way to coronation, and then i was to alight at the busstop, cos i saw a hott 67 right in front. after i alighted, i ran towards the bus, but the bitch just drove off. as i was about to sit myself down on the gay slide chair at the newer busstops, the 156 driver drove up to me and opened the door, and said, get on, we might catch 67 at the nextstop.
and so i did, and so i caught 67 at the stop outside coronation plaza.
it was a nice gesture that made my day. before that, i was just brooding about the toughness of my life, and was generally unhappy that life was so crap apart from having a girl with hot legs sitting right across from me.
i admire him. he was both cheerful and helpful. we hardly find cheerful and helpful bus drivers today. well we cannot blame them for being unhappy people. they sit in a pussy pvc chair and then drive for 1.5 h for a 15 min toilet break before setting off again, from before daybreak to after nightfall. all for like 1.2k per month. they have little job security and risk getting punched by hwach boys, among other risks.
if it were me, i would find it hard to stay positive. very hard. here i am, in a shitty chair, twisting one heck of a huge plastic steering wheel, opening and closing doors at 3-500m intervals. for this kinda puny pay. i would be in a foul mood the whole day. before today, i daresay, if someone missed the bus, i wont be thinking, poor dick, he would have to take the next bus. i would be thinking, haha pussy, why are you so slow?
nice gestures make people happy. i am happy. i guess i should try to be a nicer person, so that we can all live in a happier place. rj is a particularly sad place, especially when papers are returned cos the school will be crawling with depressed dicks.
like myself.
double Bs.
yea, it is my first B for GP in my entire Life. i guess with 26 for compo, i cannot ask for too much.
actually i was relieved when i totalled the marks for a B. yea, for any self-respecting individual, a B for GP is disastrous, but considering my 2 visits to the toilet and 3 starts to my essay, coupled with a nagging ache down my neck, i guess it was satisfactory. i was just completely confused as i scrambled to get my essay in order. and to be fair, the essay was not balanced. although i think the teacher was being a pussy when she said that i was taking too narrow a stand. suits her, she has the right to her opinion. and the right to crush my already flailing sense of self worth.
the only pussy consolation is that at 38/50, i raped the class at compre. this is despite an extremely poor showing in the summary, getting all of 5.5 marks in 80 words and in the vocab, scoring a total of 2.5 marks. but the class is just pussy, i would like to quote. anyway, apart from this, gp was a complete disaster. from A to B and from 98.9 percentile to like, 50 percentile? wow, the girls would all be spitting on me.
at this point i digress.
it is always said that a Scout keeps his promises.
this is complete nonsense. and i say this with complete conviction because a Scout i know never kept his promise.
well this said, scout, or scoutmaster lenny, said that he would kill himself if i get anything less than a B for gp. now he is probably playing with himself in scholar's village (the block across the road from kim san leng, where at least 2 President Scholars are known to reside), with ne'er a thought about his statement.
not that i want him dead, of course, just that we now know a scout is not to be trusted. especially pedophilic scouts who like cute little boys, ri and non ri.
gp was quite a failure, but B was a consolation. for that standard of writing, i didnt even expect to pass.
econs was disappointing. when stho announced his A, i became hopeful that there might be a miracles that i might actually clinch the elusive A for econs. but no bananas as i got a B for econs. 40/60.
it doesnt help that thats 2 marks away from an A, and ewongs, constant reminder that she marks strictly doesnt help either.
i dont think its very nice of her to do such things. it is bad for her students. it wont help the students remember their mistakes better if u give them a worser score, it just helps them remember u better so they can deal with u next time.
anyhows, a B for econs is quite satisfying. but for the amount of mugging put in, (3 whole days), i guess my marks didnt really commensurate with the effort. of course, chem is da bomb as i mugged like a gay and got whipped like a gay.
tomorrow we get back our math, and i really pray to get an A for math. now this is especially tough when so many people screw up the paper so damn badly, and remedial is reserved for people scoring <37% on the test.
i took the buss all the way to coronation, and then i was to alight at the busstop, cos i saw a hott 67 right in front. after i alighted, i ran towards the bus, but the bitch just drove off. as i was about to sit myself down on the gay slide chair at the newer busstops, the 156 driver drove up to me and opened the door, and said, get on, we might catch 67 at the nextstop.
and so i did, and so i caught 67 at the stop outside coronation plaza.
it was a nice gesture that made my day. before that, i was just brooding about the toughness of my life, and was generally unhappy that life was so crap apart from having a girl with hot legs sitting right across from me.
i admire him. he was both cheerful and helpful. we hardly find cheerful and helpful bus drivers today. well we cannot blame them for being unhappy people. they sit in a pussy pvc chair and then drive for 1.5 h for a 15 min toilet break before setting off again, from before daybreak to after nightfall. all for like 1.2k per month. they have little job security and risk getting punched by hwach boys, among other risks.
if it were me, i would find it hard to stay positive. very hard. here i am, in a shitty chair, twisting one heck of a huge plastic steering wheel, opening and closing doors at 3-500m intervals. for this kinda puny pay. i would be in a foul mood the whole day. before today, i daresay, if someone missed the bus, i wont be thinking, poor dick, he would have to take the next bus. i would be thinking, haha pussy, why are you so slow?
nice gestures make people happy. i am happy. i guess i should try to be a nicer person, so that we can all live in a happier place. rj is a particularly sad place, especially when papers are returned cos the school will be crawling with depressed dicks.
like myself.
double Bs.
yea, it is my first B for GP in my entire Life. i guess with 26 for compo, i cannot ask for too much.
actually i was relieved when i totalled the marks for a B. yea, for any self-respecting individual, a B for GP is disastrous, but considering my 2 visits to the toilet and 3 starts to my essay, coupled with a nagging ache down my neck, i guess it was satisfactory. i was just completely confused as i scrambled to get my essay in order. and to be fair, the essay was not balanced. although i think the teacher was being a pussy when she said that i was taking too narrow a stand. suits her, she has the right to her opinion. and the right to crush my already flailing sense of self worth.
the only pussy consolation is that at 38/50, i raped the class at compre. this is despite an extremely poor showing in the summary, getting all of 5.5 marks in 80 words and in the vocab, scoring a total of 2.5 marks. but the class is just pussy, i would like to quote. anyway, apart from this, gp was a complete disaster. from A to B and from 98.9 percentile to like, 50 percentile? wow, the girls would all be spitting on me.
at this point i digress.
it is always said that a Scout keeps his promises.
this is complete nonsense. and i say this with complete conviction because a Scout i know never kept his promise.
well this said, scout, or scoutmaster lenny, said that he would kill himself if i get anything less than a B for gp. now he is probably playing with himself in scholar's village (the block across the road from kim san leng, where at least 2 President Scholars are known to reside), with ne'er a thought about his statement.
not that i want him dead, of course, just that we now know a scout is not to be trusted. especially pedophilic scouts who like cute little boys, ri and non ri.
gp was quite a failure, but B was a consolation. for that standard of writing, i didnt even expect to pass.
econs was disappointing. when stho announced his A, i became hopeful that there might be a miracles that i might actually clinch the elusive A for econs. but no bananas as i got a B for econs. 40/60.
it doesnt help that thats 2 marks away from an A, and ewongs, constant reminder that she marks strictly doesnt help either.
i dont think its very nice of her to do such things. it is bad for her students. it wont help the students remember their mistakes better if u give them a worser score, it just helps them remember u better so they can deal with u next time.
anyhows, a B for econs is quite satisfying. but for the amount of mugging put in, (3 whole days), i guess my marks didnt really commensurate with the effort. of course, chem is da bomb as i mugged like a gay and got whipped like a gay.
tomorrow we get back our math, and i really pray to get an A for math. now this is especially tough when so many people screw up the paper so damn badly, and remedial is reserved for people scoring <37% on the test.
Monday, July 7, 2008
my left eye has been twitching incessantly
i hope it is a good omen.
but i dont think so.
i was just thinking, getting a B or worse for mathematics is extremely likely. maths is upon 100, and i didnt do the differential eqn question for -7, did the complex number qn (with circle) wrongly for -3, made some mistakes in vectors for -5, made some mistakes in the qn after vectors for -5, probability confirm got mistakes, the gay question from the revision tutorial i gave lame explanations, i just got the poisson distribution using a graph instead of tableset, so basically, im screwed. these are just the marks that i know for sure will be deducted. still got all those poor presentation marks waiting to be deducted away.
woe be me.
well, screw it. i just hope that the universities and scholarship boards are less concerned with common test results than prelims and predicted grades. if not i would be hardcoring for nought. rj has not been nice. i miss my younger days, when all i did was laze in bed, watch tv and read storybooks.
of course i do regret my general laziness and lack of application to any semblance of self improvement and development. i read voraciously, the Hardy Boys and the like, pulp fiction, or is it junk. i read i think over 50 such books. the storylines are all similar, they somehow get a weird way to solve their lame cases, but there was just something comforting about this general similarity.
in hindsight, i should have been mugging math or science so that my foundation wouldnt be so weak. like a building in bugis and the marina area, i am in marine clay, soft and disgusting. but unlike bugis junction or suntec, my foundation is akin to tekkos we use to hang clothes. not massive blocks of concrete but sticks tied together with raffia. i cant be built so tall. sometimes, even stirring in my vicinity will cause me to tilt and might bring me down. i foam.
i despised the natural sciences since a tender age. even then, i should have applied myself to reading the Classics such as the Republic, the Prince and the Odyssey. or even baser stuff as 1984 and animal farm. shouldnt have left the reading to secondary school, when by which time i should have read over criminal law and tort in singapore.
i shouldnt have wasted my time watching serial shows. i should have been watching important documentaries and infotainment programs like the tonight show and the colbert report, not some nonsense fumanlou or poyintai. tcs shows were pretty crappy, and are still pretty crappy. actually i think they have gotten much worse. i shouldnt have watched those stupid shows, but now i still continue watching stupid shows. yesterday night i was watching tt nonsense korean drama. like lord of the rings, it is bloody confusing, with all sorts of weird words and references, but still enticing and attractive to pussies like me.
i enjoyed my childhood, but i should have enjoyed it to such a great extent. because magnificent memories often bring about constant yearning, and the unwise tradeoff often wroughts regret.
bananas in pajamas.
i think the only way for me to do good in the a levels is to wean myself off my addiction to alcool and pon. they dont really allow for sustenance of linear thought. in fact, everytime in class, as i try to pay attention to limbay esspousing the proper methode of presentation, images of dungeons flash in my mind. even in the canteen, even when i speak to people, even when i present during cca, such flashes pop up intermittently. sometimes what i say is compeltely random and incoherent, because of this. even when i blog, there are breaks in da flo, because of this.
i have done a harrison bergernon onto myself. i am my own handicapper general. except im not goodlooking, strong, or smart. i just make my horrid self more horrible, my weak self weaker and my stupid self stupider.
really, i have stopped believing that everything will be alright.
but i dont think so.
i was just thinking, getting a B or worse for mathematics is extremely likely. maths is upon 100, and i didnt do the differential eqn question for -7, did the complex number qn (with circle) wrongly for -3, made some mistakes in vectors for -5, made some mistakes in the qn after vectors for -5, probability confirm got mistakes, the gay question from the revision tutorial i gave lame explanations, i just got the poisson distribution using a graph instead of tableset, so basically, im screwed. these are just the marks that i know for sure will be deducted. still got all those poor presentation marks waiting to be deducted away.
woe be me.
well, screw it. i just hope that the universities and scholarship boards are less concerned with common test results than prelims and predicted grades. if not i would be hardcoring for nought. rj has not been nice. i miss my younger days, when all i did was laze in bed, watch tv and read storybooks.
of course i do regret my general laziness and lack of application to any semblance of self improvement and development. i read voraciously, the Hardy Boys and the like, pulp fiction, or is it junk. i read i think over 50 such books. the storylines are all similar, they somehow get a weird way to solve their lame cases, but there was just something comforting about this general similarity.
in hindsight, i should have been mugging math or science so that my foundation wouldnt be so weak. like a building in bugis and the marina area, i am in marine clay, soft and disgusting. but unlike bugis junction or suntec, my foundation is akin to tekkos we use to hang clothes. not massive blocks of concrete but sticks tied together with raffia. i cant be built so tall. sometimes, even stirring in my vicinity will cause me to tilt and might bring me down. i foam.
i despised the natural sciences since a tender age. even then, i should have applied myself to reading the Classics such as the Republic, the Prince and the Odyssey. or even baser stuff as 1984 and animal farm. shouldnt have left the reading to secondary school, when by which time i should have read over criminal law and tort in singapore.
i shouldnt have wasted my time watching serial shows. i should have been watching important documentaries and infotainment programs like the tonight show and the colbert report, not some nonsense fumanlou or poyintai. tcs shows were pretty crappy, and are still pretty crappy. actually i think they have gotten much worse. i shouldnt have watched those stupid shows, but now i still continue watching stupid shows. yesterday night i was watching tt nonsense korean drama. like lord of the rings, it is bloody confusing, with all sorts of weird words and references, but still enticing and attractive to pussies like me.
i enjoyed my childhood, but i should have enjoyed it to such a great extent. because magnificent memories often bring about constant yearning, and the unwise tradeoff often wroughts regret.
bananas in pajamas.
i think the only way for me to do good in the a levels is to wean myself off my addiction to alcool and pon. they dont really allow for sustenance of linear thought. in fact, everytime in class, as i try to pay attention to limbay esspousing the proper methode of presentation, images of dungeons flash in my mind. even in the canteen, even when i speak to people, even when i present during cca, such flashes pop up intermittently. sometimes what i say is compeltely random and incoherent, because of this. even when i blog, there are breaks in da flo, because of this.
i have done a harrison bergernon onto myself. i am my own handicapper general. except im not goodlooking, strong, or smart. i just make my horrid self more horrible, my weak self weaker and my stupid self stupider.
really, i have stopped believing that everything will be alright.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
if and only if
yesterday was a good day, i suppose. after all, it was the pro's birthday.
at least i scraped through for physics. and i feel fine man. at least ct2 was not a completely disastrous campaign. c for chem, is quite a disaster, though.
got a sgp police force schship nonsense mail. im not sure if they want the reply on that form or through email. if it is the former, i dont have stamps. i think spf is good, cos they get some goon to sign every single piece. lol. anyway, spf is not for me, since passing napfa is no high5 from me.
it pains me that my life is so bloody tough.
at least i scraped through for physics. and i feel fine man. at least ct2 was not a completely disastrous campaign. c for chem, is quite a disaster, though.
got a sgp police force schship nonsense mail. im not sure if they want the reply on that form or through email. if it is the former, i dont have stamps. i think spf is good, cos they get some goon to sign every single piece. lol. anyway, spf is not for me, since passing napfa is no high5 from me.
it pains me that my life is so bloody tough.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
things could have been different
nothing much transpired these past few days.
i was afflicted by my C for Chem, as expected. but i spent most of the time drowning myself in formula racing on miniclip, stupid shows on the history channel and discovery real time and of course in my most beloved, most esteemed and most ancient pastime.
i was trying to stanch the pain, and maybe even delude myself. i was in a state of self-denial. i wouldnt deny i was trying to live it up so that the pain would go away.
of course the pain did go away, but very slow. im still sore, anyway.
i expect the anguish to worsen these few days, into the next week, as i receive my papers, blow by blow, below the belt. we went through physics mcq today, and i know my fate is sealed. lets not speculate how many i did right. i know my fate is sealed.
econs is, well, econs. even if i fullmarks my first case study, im still on course for a C/B. thats if i fullmarks my first case study, which obviously would not happen. this im pretty sure of, this im not going to be deluded about.
now im just praying that i still can keep my A for math and get a decent gp score.
and i pray.
so help me God.
i was afflicted by my C for Chem, as expected. but i spent most of the time drowning myself in formula racing on miniclip, stupid shows on the history channel and discovery real time and of course in my most beloved, most esteemed and most ancient pastime.
i was trying to stanch the pain, and maybe even delude myself. i was in a state of self-denial. i wouldnt deny i was trying to live it up so that the pain would go away.
of course the pain did go away, but very slow. im still sore, anyway.
i expect the anguish to worsen these few days, into the next week, as i receive my papers, blow by blow, below the belt. we went through physics mcq today, and i know my fate is sealed. lets not speculate how many i did right. i know my fate is sealed.
econs is, well, econs. even if i fullmarks my first case study, im still on course for a C/B. thats if i fullmarks my first case study, which obviously would not happen. this im pretty sure of, this im not going to be deluded about.
now im just praying that i still can keep my A for math and get a decent gp score.
and i pray.
so help me God.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)