Raped

happy are the ri gayboys who have not to yet take common test after common test after holidays after holidays. happy are they.

of course, happier are they rj gayboys who have to take common test after common test after holidays after holidays, and whom so rape and rape and rape all the exams that so come before them. no kick, they say, no kick, as them steamroll, bulldoze and hump through the papers.

obviously im not among these elite few, because, im not gay, and because im not good.

the word to describe my experience the past feue days is 'hellish'.

day after day after day my mind gets raped. i go into the exams a yawning optimist, and then i leave a spent weary souless lump of shit, completely expended. and then i drag myself to the library and open my file and try to absorb as much as i can. obviously thats not very much, because i have a puny brain.

needless to say, i died for math. didnt even bother attempting the DE question. hmm, -7 right off. had as many careless mistakes as bacteria living under my foreskin, and probably would get tens of marks deducted for puerile presentaton.

chemistry was disastrous. got gayed by the mcqs. i even got the first question wrong. lol. and thats how simple lah. looks like this is going to be another B and below for chem. hmm, not looking forward to next week.

physics was also horrid, because i fooled around and hardly prepared for the test. probably cos i felt crappy after 3 disasters in 3 days. ok, to be fair, the paper wasnt very tough, just as chemistry wasnt very tough, but i know i just made a pretty hell lot of mistakes.

all in all, ct2 has been devastating.

its supposed to be a wakeup call, but the call is probably too late, and probably costs too much. i mean, we all know that this is not the standard of the a levels, not anywhere near by any chance. and we can be sure that universities do demand transcripts, and we know that universities like A students, not C or D or S students. they would probably fancy less one who isnt an A student. and then this transcript will show it.

its a wake up call to the extreme. its like trying to wake someone up by stuffing a thumb of ginger up his/her a**, then poking long pikes through his/her extremities and then pouring hotwax all over his/her eyes. just to wake him/her up.

the question we should all be asking is, is that necessary?

of course, to the best among us, the common tests help diffeentiate them. to them, cts didnt even present much to them that they probably cant even consider this a dessert. maybe the little mint leaf on top of the creme brulee, but nothing more. neither exquisite nor important.

chairman mao said that the system is unfair, and we gays should all rise up in revolt. maybe its time for all of us to stand up to all this nonsense. after all, we and we among us are but little pussies, losers in this system, losers in the grander scheme of things. we probably have little to lose and muc to gain, if we stand up.

but we are probably too humji. and the smarts among us, these little conniving persons would most probably sabotage our cause, which would already be in a complete mess cos theres no cream of the crop on our side. we are just too dumb, put simply.

what do we nubs do after a hard week in purgatory?

we go celebrate our temporary respite, the respite being all of 8 weeks long.

we go to vivo, we eat at carls jr, which was shit value for money. we go walk around, balonglong, air our balls. we go play foosball, and make fools of our foolish selves, losing to kids probably half our equals. we play fifa euro 2008, and we never figure out how exactly to strike.

we go home. we try to be happy. do we deserve to be happy? evidently not. but do we want to be happy? obviously, yes. we might be high, but i dont think i was happy. theres always this nagging concern, this feeling of powerlessness and abject hopelessness lingering, lurking. somehwere.

i took bus home today. it took me 1 hr to get from vivo to 7th mile. and i was thinking to myself,today i take the bus, but next time, do i want to take the bus? do i want to spend an hour sitting with all the perverts in the back?

i dont want to. but judging from my predicted performance, i most probably have to.

as i walked from 7th mile to the 10th mile, i see houses, bungalows, semi-detached houses, terraces, condos. i see fountains, tennis courts, swimming pools. all surrounded by bukit batok, gombak and regency to the west and timah to the east. do i want to live this kind of life? yes i do. that would be a resounding yes, i do.

but judging from my predicted performance, i most probably cannot.

really got raped.