it feels so good when u bookout of pasir laba in civi

this is going to make or break my life. and now, the odds are stacked against me. got rejected by command school (sispec is nonsense), got rejected by warwick, durham and MAS. fk. nehneh.

i really want it with my dear life.

so please

help me God.

the most miserable human being alive

thats me. life takes me by the balls. especially the SAFOS 2009 invite. fuck. and tomorrow i will have to explain why i am in sispec. fuck.

or

looking at the safos2009 invite in fb just makes me foam.
the 3 field camps in the next 7 weeks makes me foam.
thinking of soc just makes me foam
thinking of ippt also makes me foam
fuck

im a real foamer.

im just thankful that there are so many nice people.

pussy knot (or Golf)

the past week has been a rollercoaster for me. i felt like fuck as i stepped through the pasir laba gates to join other freshfucks, dragging along our huge cheebye duffels and carrying our fieldpacks on our backs. it only got better when i found that ANDY was not just in my coy, but in my platoon as well. lol. lotsa rj guys i already knew, in my pltn. lijian, bengoh, prasatt, just to name a few. haha. marched over to coy line, the snr scts were nice, and my bunk was filled with nice people. of course, a fair share of idiots like the lps. stupid, from mjc, do things slow think slow, everything dont know. nehneh. lsm wasnt much better, talked too much cock. confirmed that poly was for ok, nvm.

tuesday was a foamy day. learned about the section organic weapons. made me foam because after 3 mths away from the books my mind wasnt as absorbent. and i learnt that there was something more nonsensical than chemistry. who the fuck gives a fuck about the backblast being 16m? and who can remember how to strip so many rifles, use so many commz eqpmt in such a short time? but whatever, the test went on and we had to do the test like pussies. and then we always kena sleep late. chaocheebye. 2245 lights off 0515 reveille. not enuf sleep, not enuf admin time. damn tulan. nehneh. morning summore got 3k run, fucking foamy.

2 ite girls in my platoon. from pegasus. they are real foamers so probably signing on as spec is graet for them. they is in aarons platoon. anyways i dont think girls should be allowde to sign on. its just dumb. they have so low fitness standards. fuck if i had a pussy all i needed was 13 IPUs for A. wtf lor. run so slow also A. ccb. fk. then summore they dunnd to draw matador and m203. wadkinda nonsense lor. fuckers.

whatever. then kena rt and all that, sort of expected. stupid jump. fuck. baah. sispec is a real foamy place. some cmdrs srsly hav some issues. dunno how to think or talk. just makes u foam. without the rj guys who i talk to over mealtimes, i think i will just go bonkers.

ok im bonked out. tmr 2200 book in. lifes good.

Life in Technicolor II

it has been a depressing week.
i shall really refrain myself from swearing and loathing the things around me.
but well, what a blog is for?
i have the right to shout out!
FUCK LIFE!

things are not alright

in less than 24h i will be in pasir labia.
please. please. please. dont make me foam too hard.
please can i have some funny and cool dudes like aar n rj in my sectn? and please can i have a reasonable platoon? and can i please dont get confined?

so i may pass out. and then pay compliments to shida.

with pride we lead, got time we sleep

sispec for me. i won't deny my disappointment. when i first caught wind of the news a tumor formed in my throat. it was not unexpected, really. i expected it. and i expected myself to be disappointed. throughout the week my eyes took turns to twitch. i didnt really perform well in bmt either. wasnt very enthusiastic about anything, and i kept too low a profile. i guess they expected rj standard, but in my quest to bury my heritage i buried myself as well.

like shayi said, we just have to make the best out of it. after all, there are many rj pussies like ourselves. among the authors of this blog, only yigay made ocs. and i am proud to have such a friend. rj, aar and me r sispec pussies. so are a few other known scholars. lol.

if i had applied to MAS only this year, i think i would have told them that this is the greatest setback i have faced. i have been beaten by lesser students from less schools and people who have nary a quarter my As. i accept that i am physically unfit, though.

on the bright side, sispec is relatively slacker than ocs. many have told me that bookouts are on friday. i dont have to be confined for 1 month. the people are less motivated, so i wont stick out like a sorethumb in a bad way. in the long run, i have fewer icts to screw my life up.

i am disappointed, and i probably have disappointed many around me. but Providence has smiled on me. in complete honesty, i would rather have gotten that A for econs and go to sispec than get a B for it and go to ocs. i would rather have the ill-gottend A for chem than ocs. even if this 2 years are going to be hellish, i have enjoyed the past six. and i hope i can remain positive. sispec wont be so bad, especially with the throngs that i have come to know who would be pussying around pasir laba with me. of course, i would rather be a supp supervisor like stho, but fk, im combat fit. after ocs, sispec is the next best. i am thankful i didnt become an arm inf tpr or a c-soldier or a sea soldier ldr like some of my pltmates.

i hope to do my best. and i hope the schship boards wouldnt just write me off. but even if they do, i cannot fault them. i will just go to my favorite,

nus.

bah bah black sheep have you any wool?

the main problem is that i dont give a fuck about anything until it becomes serious. i dont have goals. i just do stuff spontaneously. and sometimes i dont know why i do some stuffs. but i have to live with the consequences. if i actually had concrete goals and i had actually worked on them, i probably wouldnt have ended up in ptp and now i wouldnt be regretting that i didnt spend bmt as best as i could have. if my life actually had any focus i wouldnt have records that make me look like a schizo cock. i enjoyt my aimless life but i have nothing much to show for it. just a lump of fuckshit to show for nothing.

i contribute by providing new perspectives. again i cannot really demonstrate it. i have unconventional ideas, according to juanhe who had happily reflected it on my ri testimonial. unconventional. ideas. ive had many. many small and insignificant ones.

maybe its cos i enjoy philosophy and economics. hahas. the many different perspectives, the many different ways to work with perception and interpretation and the ways one can influence another through a series of actions. that probably is about all that i have to say.

teamwork. i know i am a team player, because i am nothing without my team. i keep slacking so without my team to prop me up i probably will mash into the ground like some spineless goo. fucking hell.

in 300 words my inconsqeuntial low level experiences probably will make my essay look like fuck. and what makes it worse is that there are more than 400 people in rj who have got 90 ranking points. fucking ar. looks like i hav to be content with pussying around in a local uni and pussying around in a pussy job.

a pussy future welcomes me. just as my pussy past bids farewell.

anyways zhenan should blog more. waste less time with his kids. if they want to learn, all is well and good- teach them well. if they dont want to learn, its their pasal. after all, u need some people to fill up the bottom of the bell curve and lazy people should be more than welcome to take up the spots. 50-60% of them probably have their ability well-reflected by their psle score. dont need to prepare them for competitions. ri always wins. and even if ri doesnt win, it must be with immense providence tt vs can get anywhere close. as his student said, he is only a relieffe. he should learn from the saf mentality- serve and fuckoff.

firefly

its all of 300 words, but it really is the bomb tough. just to come up with the relevant points is already hard. this can be attributed to the fact that my goals in life are mainly hedonistic and definitely incompatible with that of a scholarship board. i have gone through their websites and meditated upon what they wrote, but it is abit tough to harmonize anything about me with anything about them, and anything about the 3 of them at the same time.

smu essay is real fucked, dont really understand the question. i dont see why a pussy uni like smu wants to act all haughty about things. new pedagogy my dick.

Reason, the Devil's harlot

still agonizing. after the spell wore off im back to brooding about my future. should i apply Medicine or Law & Econs? i know i will enjoy law n econs at least throughout my studies. but corporate law has been getting quite tough and stressful especially with all these ponzi schemes. and then i know many lawyers are getting hardraped with long hours late nights and no life. life will be like shit. or can be expected to be like shit at least for the first few years.

i think i will be fine with medicine. if i take medicine i will want to be a plastic surgeon or gyne. then i will enjoy my job. just that in the first place i dont think nusmed will want me. 260 students everyone very brilliant with great aptitude. nothing distinguishes me. theres no reason they should want me. i have not done any attachment and am not a pedigree. on top of it i hate science in general and chem in particular. having to go through this nonsense in year one really puts me off.

i know it impacts my career and my future lots. im stressed.

NUS NTU OPENHAUS

i am intoxicated:

for
today at ntunbs




i saw the most beautiful girl in the world.




all the rest, is background music.

samuel 'tho' maxwell

i'm sitting in the class room 4I

well, here i am. sitting in the classroom 4I. gave my students free period and i myself started blogging. life is boring. still got to go NYP for competition later.

life looks bleak. nothing good s happening. maybe juz having lunch or recess with 1F is something fun every day.

went out with aaron yesterday. actually we took a cab to woodland and then cab back. haha. spend 40 bucks juz to go singapore sports school to submit a form. but the trip was fun. talk cock..

then we went parkway for lunch at 3 in the afternoon. then don joined us at parkway cause the pussy cannot find the way to the BBQ pit that his platoon is supposed to meet. so we had a road march along ECP from PP to VJ. it was nice to meet old friends. and it is nice to finally talk to someone my age, who won't hide my stuff and talk abt sex everytime. haha. well good for a change.

after sending don for his bbq, aaron and i went to the hawker center for seafood. lie on the beach and stare at the red color moon and stars. it was nice. talk cock.

life was great last night.

but not now. esp when i realize that i still have to mark 40 MCQ papers. sianz!!!!

act blur live longer

bbq was nonsense. left early cos they were whistling at girls and gambling (blackjack) openly. scared police come sias. anyway there wasnt enough food to go around and the zealous cooks keep fanning the flame so that the outside is charred and the inside is uncooked.

today is 4p lunch. which is the bombe. going to meet 3IPS awardees, billions of perfect scorers (like your truly! =)) 6 or 7 scholarship awardees and more.

hahahahs.

nus.

RO (Routine/ Regimental Orders)

** It is a chargeable offence not to read the RO for the day **

CDO/CDI/COS (I don't give a fuck)

0930 Reveille
1000 Breakfast/ Read Newspaper
1030 Porn 1
1230 Lunch (Outrationed from the kitchen)
1300 Porn 2
1530 Troop Lift (Public Transport) to ECP
1630 Barbecue
.
.
2359 Lights Off

Shall talk about BMT in another post.

Just love porn lots.

When I was young

When I was young,
I do not need to think about tomorrow, it just comes,
comes after today
without any sorrow;


When i was young,
I never meet sadness, it just avoids me,
hiding behind the blue
clear sky;


When I was young,
i do not know Hess’ Law, mass defect and Nash Equilibrium
when Tom and Jerry is in air,
one plus one can equal to three for what I care;


When I was young,
I have a lot of friends,
they are just always around me,
leaving me never alone;


When I was young,
I cry when I have a haircut,
my hair is just too precious to me,
losing the company just makes me sad;


When I was young,
I like to tell stories in front of adults,
it is simply exciting to tell grownups what will happen next
for the first time;


When I was young,
I hope I can become a scientist,
it was so true a dream that all my neighbours knows
that I am going to be a scientist next time;


When I was young,
I do not like to play any ball games,
I was simply afraid that my cloth would get dirty
if I fell;


When I was young,
I like to listen to my mother’s fairy tales,
I will never go to bed at night
Without one;


When I was young,
I do not have computer, internet or blog,
life just seems so simple,
yet eclectic;


When I was young,
I never think
what happened
when I was young.

(as a memoir for my lost childhood and student life. when i was young....)

zhenan

foamer

sianz, have to book in later.

lookingforward to 1 whole day at tekong parade square. marching in the damn hot sun, then getting drenched by a serious torrential downpour before getting sunbaked again and then getting drenched. also walking around in a swimming pool thats my boots.

and then 1 solid day of ultra-area cleaning. ccb. i dont see why the saf cannot afford to contract some cleaners to do this job. soldiering is not about cleaning man. after that, POP loh!

looking forward to my break. i really hope i get a good posting. but with my pussy fitness level, ippt pass and soc fail, together with my less than outstanding performance, i really need my 8As (Read: GP-A, PW-A, HCL-A, P-A, C-A, M-A, E-A, GT-D) and my rafflesian pedigree to pull me by my dick into command school. arghhhhh.

i wish i may.

chemistry can suck my cock

rejected by warwick

that makes me a

FUCKING REJECT

TWICE OVER

FUCKING FUCKING REJECT!

a fuckshit.

we shall not be moved

the thing is, life goes on. whether you get straightAs or straightBs for the A levels, life goes on. the next day the heady feeling disappears and you probably will be back to milling about as you have done before. criticizing stupid people, insulting each other, surfing porn...A levels is the past already.

anyways ive decided to apply to medicine just for the fun of it. (medicine is really not my thing. chemistry can just fuck off. i point my middle finger at all chemistry textbooks.) i probably can help cut out some people. hahas. anyways before i forget christy says he will treat anyone from 4p for free. and i shall assume that so will stho. hahas. i know 4p did well. so did niu. she was at the hall for some reason. with tay.

supposed to do my commandersappraisal and bmtreflections but my inertia is stopping me. better get it done. dont want to get confined with ronald. haha.

after 12 or is it already 13 weeks on tekong, i already think studying overseas might not be for me. i dont like to live alone and have a complete change of a set of friends. i dont like the world to change so much, so fast and so radically around me. i like progressive changes. like from RI to RJ the transition was smooth cos i get to see the 2j4p guys. i like familiarity.

and, without my family, my existence would be as in rousseau's state of nature- sad, solitary and brutish.

on top of that i am lazy. i dont want to make my bed, do my laundry, settle my 3 meals by myself. i am a helpless dick. a lazy fuckshit.

the only thing stopping me is the mileage that i would get from crossing the pacific or the indian ocean.i dont want to regret for life when everyone earns 6 or 7 figures and i earn 5 figures. that sucks cock. but thats for when i have time to worry.

for now,

i can't wait for pop. so can't the fishes around tekong.

post before midnight

well. i continued my legacy of starting all transcript with a C. but whatever, i dun give a shit. it is over. my life starts now.

AAAAABC Merit

after all, im not a perfectionist. so dun call me one.

D for h3 or A for gp?

after sec 4
i went back to ri to collect a D for chinese

after j2
i went back to rj to collect a D for math
and a B that screams
Blatantly Bad
Bullshit
and Bottom half of the school

Relieved

and thankful

AAAAAAADist

tout est bien qui finit bien

it was blood, sweat and toil.
but it was worth it.

The Rafflesian Experience has been Outstanding.

--

platform jump. 7th floor. Walk Off. owntimeowntarget carryon.

back from a tough week of wasted time and parade rehearsals where i got sunbaked then soaked then sunbaked then soaked again all in the same day.

yesterday my balls were the size of peas.
you need a micrometer screw gauge.

today probably need to use a scanning tunneling microscope to find it.

although im starting to get numb and indifferent already. i'm just a fucking pussy.

569 696969

today has been tough. 8 periods of lessons. although for 6 of these 8 periods, i just need to watch this video about puberty and childbirth, i am still tired. maybe it is because of the 3 hour talk with some teachers. well, 3 teachers against me, i really had to keep my brain constantly functioning to spot the loose holes in their arguments. but u know what? i found the hardest thing to tell someone right in the face is "the reason you find it hard is simply because you are lazy!" but i am new, i got to be humble and be nice. plus, i dun really have the position (yet) to tell them that.

anyway, they were once my teachers and now sort of friends. they are nice ppl. so why should i care and influence someone who does not have motivation in life? after all, they are living their life and answering to themselves.

well. after that meeting with hod. trying to give feedback that i got from the three-hour meeting. politics is scary yet interesting. ppl at the bottom want to slack, ppl at the top got big ambitions. when bottomers think that something is too hard, but also do not want their boss know that they think its too hard, they find middleman. the poor piece of meat that everyone wish to get a bite inside the sandwich. im now the poor meat.

the day's misery was pinched with an unexpected burst in my sec 1 class. (actually it started there. the meetings later simply accumulates to today's agony.) my record of not scolding or raising my voice at this class finally ended. maybe i should not even agree to take the relief post after taught them weeks ago. i understand that its hard for them to switch from friends to teacher-student mode. and i anticipated the class would be noisy. but im never good at hiding my emotions. well, i was esp pissed when one student came up and told me, "you are not a real teacher, a relief only what?!"

my teacher told me on the first day i started working - not to be too close to students. i thought it was rubbish. now i still hope i can continue to hold my belief but i will need stronger evidence.

hope your day was pleasant, and in no way like mine - tortured both physically and emotionally.

have a great evening.

568 6th March

so it will be sentenced in four days time. my fate, my future, my destiny. i am nervous. even though i have been telling my students that it is just a test. it is only part of your life. don't take it too hard. you will do well lah. but i guess it is easier to say it to others than to experience it yourself.

life is tough. especially all my UK offers are depending on my Alevels. and so far i have not gotten a US offer yet. so i have to apply to Singapore uni, like everyone else, which will look at your GP and Alevels. i really hope that i did well. i have never experienced such anxiety, not even before Olevel results. guess back then, i knew i did ok. but now...i can only pray

well. i found tickets to jason mraz's concert. but its just the night before my Alevel results release. i dunno whether i should go. i dunno even know whether i will be enjoying myself if i go. well.

afternoon in the library talking to jeremy and wendy was entertaining and relaxing. made me feel like going back to days before i graduate, how don, mark and i stay in library to study and talk cock.

showed my sec 2 class a documentary about puberty. apparently the guys turned more excited when the video shows male part compared to when it shows female one. a weird yet interesting thing to notice.

good luck everybody.