after meeting up with andyboy and zhegay, having dinner with them at waraku, i took the train and was supposed to meet my parents at clementi. they werent there so i wandered clementi central all by myself.
clementi central really has been a very important relic of my past. i lived in clementi throughout my formative years. or at least i spent most of my waking hours there. i studied in pcf kindergarten, studied in nan hua, and even after going to ri i stayed in clementi up to sec 2. until then i either took the mrt, or if too lazy i took 156 with daniel cheng. i remember during the years i was there, i studied music at yamaha, and flunked like a gay. my results were so bad my name did not even appear on the nominal role. i still remember the last piece i ever played before i snapped my electone. so-ti-re-re-mi-re-mi-re-ti-so-la-so-fa-mi-fa-la-so. i walked around what was then emporium, went to the old kfc when it still served on plates. and big bookshop. i went there to get almost everything. i remember when i put together some coins to buy 3 sticks of superclay. they were 60c a stick.i remember trying out pens before psle, then again before o levels. yea. i took 1 paper. i got reference materials, textbooks and all.
sometimes i wonder how my life would be different. if i had gotten into gep at p3, and if i hadnt surfed erotica the 2nd day i got my internet. if i had worked harder, been a nicer person and all. i keep dwelling in the past, too little in the present. the past is not a mirror of the future, but i always look into it. forguidance, but to the extent that i assume dangerously them to be the same.
i know the past cannot be changed, but the many trajectories of life that could have come out of it always amuses me that i grant some thought. many a time, things do not go the way i hope them to. i shall be completely honest, i really want to become an officer. and from past experience, 8As+ippt pass= ocs. unless ur a complete faggot. but woe be me, now its like ippt silver. and i only just achieved it wednesday past. even then, there is no guarantee i will get to don the kitkat bar. MAS, and the way i squandered the good life away 3rd dec last year, still makes me sore. im a wounded, broken man. wait. a wounded, broken, sispec pussy.
some put life to Fate. but i dont believe in Fate a lot. Fate is a disincentive to work hard. if everything is already written in the Book of Life and Death then is the propensity to work hard also written in? is our every action already determined? so if we kill someone, its predetermined? i dont know. and i dont think i will.
and what actually makes life a good one? living in the lap of luxury, having family and friends, or just a highspeed connection to surf porn? is leading an unblemished life possible, or even desirable? what is it about having the depth apart from the length of life? there is really so much i want to know, so much i dont know, and so many things that i cannot control. and things change very fast. 3200mils in a split second.
life gets quite tough when you try venturing into the great beyond.
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