musings of my ego (not biscuit, stho)

i just cant do it right
somehow

i had a life of my own
i had much autonomy
i even had sovereignty
i even had overlordship

then pw came along.
i was mauled
> i was crushed
i was battered
> i was dust.

i was upset
i was not vanquished
i resolved, to build myself up again
i pwimped
hard (by my standard)
i didnt succeed
(pw is still a mess a big screwed up mess)

on (Addendum 1: 88 drpimp) mugging.

i was rammed
> through the floor
i was slammed
> through the door
integration and DE screwed me
induction and summation made me limp
ionic equilibria... let's not delve shall we

i was just recovering from the storm that was pwimp
and now a failed dr. pimp.

im a wuss
a disappointment
an embarrassment
i shrank and shrivelled

i gave way
and i returned to shit

life from where i am
is about mugging
is about hardcoring
is about not getting owned (Addendum 2: too badly at least)

all else
is unimportant
all else
matter not

the world that i see
is about winning
and losing

winning is ephermeral
losing is ephermeral too
but nobody cares

winning is good
losing is bad
winning is what life should be about
losing is about all i am.

the world used to mean to me
joy
fun
warmth
and
love
cliched, but it was beautiful.

the world in my mind
the world my conscious habits.
the actual world
is ugly.

the beauty
just fucked off and died.

a part of me
died along with it.