feels like chemistry

in a class of 7 females, i should feel great. except that the lesson was so damned tough i couldnt get the comprehension oral at all. i shouldnt have overcommitted. what gave me such false hopes anyway.

so nostalgic, the feeling. felt like i was in chem tutorial, with the professor doing his own thing with the rest of the class while im daydreaming. about how i will be enjoying france, where the french all speak english. i kept wondering to myself what on earth was i doing and many times i felt like simply bolting out of the room. suddenly an acrid sharp smell wafted up to me. and i wondered if someone was on heat. and her menstrual blood was spilling out or something. and then i completely went off into lalaland.

i kept trying to focus but it was too tough on me.

really need to work my balls off man.

happy teachers day! real proud of jorddy who took day off to visit alma mater. is it rosyth? jordy rocks. i have not visited nanhua since sec 1. nothing more than bad memories and broken dreams.

i did it

C9L9 permanent

excused outfield 1 month to breach medical board.

today is good day.

went to handburger at 313 @ somerset

so is good evening. too

the pleasure of hating

is tough to savor but very rewarding.

hazlitts good.

lifes like that

aaron has his driving license

and yiheng has his happy clubber life

all i have are some pathetic, crumpled newspapers

i feel alive again

lunch at talking point with the other scholars was great. i enjoyed it, really. the hr people were quite nice, and interested, and interesting, and i hope they continue to be so when i embark on my studies next year. if they arent supportive, i will be quite sad. it they only email me about my results, i will just foam.

scpo seems not bad, but the menton campus is really foamily small. with 110 people in 2 batches, it seems like the cohort is just wee bigger than my primary 1 class. jokes. and while the overall experience seems positive, i think i really need to mug hard my french or else i will just ggxx and foam damn badly. i dont want to foam.

and the fsos work real hard man. the staff from se asia work till 8 pm during lull period and up to midnight for nights consecutive during busy period. good game man. i think i will have to get used to staying in then. but dempsey seems like a nice place to stay in. the compound is even designed to allow you to stay in. please. they have huge toilets, awesome gyms and who can forget 'talking point', their equivalent of the mess with a bar and free foosball and pool and a karaoke room for foamers! oh my god man!

life seems tough. but the masochist in me is looking forward to it.

i just signed off $693.60 with a vengeance at alliance. for my tues and fri lessons. and i found that theres actually a lesson on wed for A1, finally. will ponder over it before i decide to persuade mfa to let me do it too! haha. that will keep me safe from going outfield overnight. yes!

lunch with d/hr later

can i be less responsible?

i think its not easy.
especially in a camp full of clowns.

maybe if i didnt have the additional baggage of schship,
i wouldnt care so much.

tough.

bittergourd

when life gets too tough, just run across a busy road.
do it at a u-turn and get the manual cars locked up,
and start afresh, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

life needs to be simplified, or shortened.
complication breeds anxiety, and already now,
too much anxiety is within my system.

mix the anxiety up with angst, depression
and general moodiness

and you get a human bittergourd. that is fermenting,
and without the 2569 vitamins and minerals.
you get me.

anxiety rapes me of my sanity, the sanctity of life, and my soul
and puts in my heart the fear, that i will be reincarnated,

as a bittergourd. that is unloved and uneaten.
that wont be able to contribute to mankind as nutritious slices in an omelette
or with blackbeans
heck not even juiced by the newage-homosexual-leftist-ecomentalist
but instead be the gourd that will get infested with little worms
and maggots and all that is unpleasant.

but i dont want to be a bittergourd.

grass

snaps not, by bending

live like grass
and stay alive

until ord.

maybe its the last stretch of my teenage angst that i will be leaving behind

home already

is it the sweltering heat
or the countdown
that is making me foam hard?

maybe the illogical
ahm timing.

on pain of death

108 days left
it hurts.

108 days i cant wait to be over, i cant wait, i cant wait, i cant, i cant, i cant!

screw ippt. screw it. if not. argh.

half day off

just isnt even half as pleasurable as a full day off

thanks to the nagging thought of going back

?

i oft wonder, why
as ord draws closer
the days feel longer

Deo volente

i will meet up with my primary six classmates
and the firefly people next next week.
and i will have my french courses approved
and nothing goes wrong with my schship

so so important, much more so now than before, in ns, for this.
so much, too much, is beyond control.

all that should happen, will happen
all that should not, will not

insha'allah

darkest night

tough times that linger.
toast

time

why didnt CO clear with me

because you are only his css trainer. dont be ridiculous.

i have never met such an obnoxious and retarded person and it still puzzles me how he has been able to rise to be a major, seeing that he has obvious speech issues, speaks like a matrep, acts like one, and has a dubious MSc Logistics from nti, on top of general tactlessness and complete and blatant insubordinate behavior. and obviously he didnt do his work properly, what with all the wrong figures in whatever he has tallied up at the like, and discounts for bulk losses eg x=3, 3x(w GST)=7. jokes. and with only 108 people booked in, 135 people did ippt, and in one company of 42 takers, 0 passed. boomz!

why iti is such an epic failure has become apparent. it is not just rotten at the bottom, its rotten in the middle and at the top. when the co speaks, the oc is talking on the phone or thumbing the ikea catalogue. when the co advises for amendments, the csstnr just brushes him off in the face. yes the co can be difficult at times, but i dont see how that gives them the right to just disregard him right in his face. at least have the courtesy to disparage him behind his back.

maybe thats why they all dont get promoted. on top of not working, they get lousy appraisals for pissing their boss off. how wise.

first week done. taking a half day off on monday to miss the insane 0610 ahm cat. half day offs are quite dumb actually, but i have 22 days of off and leave, not including the 1.5 days i am expending in the week. and the wisdom extraction. its also a good deal, because i think its not nice to make my father drive me to jcamp1 at 0555 and i dont want to book in sunday night to the stinky disgusting bunks. pui.

wednesday co talk, and they have removed all the lockers from the locker room already. they had better not implement stay in, at least not before i ord. in 111 days.

at least it was all computer-based

the people are nice
the pool is great
but work isnt-

it gets tedious

and also ridiculous

on the balance, though

the first two days were ok

and i hope it stays the same.

gardens

i am so depressed when i hear that finally when i move to intops the nice bosses are gone and i am left with sucky bosses who will make me go outfield like everyday is sunday. 114 days leftohmygod. i am stuck with them for so long. ohmygod. and i need to get a good CoS ohmygod.

so help me God

this evening, i am at peace even if i am into the dying moments of my long hospitalization leave. i feel like the condemned, with my better days behind me, with all chance of reprieve exhausted.

tomorrow i shall go get my haircut back to military specifications and the day after i shall wear a smile, spring in step as i walk back to camp for another 115 days before i become a free man again. i have enjoyed myself much these 77 days. these 77 days well spent. day after day i wake up after the sun, and i read french, random crap, go for MAs, spend time about with my family. i was a happy boy. and i hope to continue being a happy boy. even though the quality of life is not going to be as good again for another 115 days. i just hope that i continue staying out, i dont have to book in early and book out late too often, i get my fair deal of offs i get to book out for my french and MAs and ministry stuffs, and i get to play pool once in a while to get my $8/month worth of it.

yeah.

mesdames et messieurs, la flame d'olympique jeunesse

i actually liked the yog opening ceremony. the colors, the lighting, the reflecting pool concept and that phoenix on the sce boat. the containers were cool and the spiralling flame from the lower air intake in the lighthouse mock up was awesome. except i dont think its wise to publicize the amount of gas required in tough times like this when everyone is about being green. the songs were cheesy but the huge monsters the only thing thats realy overboard.

i thought the whole yog sucked from what my friends said but at least the ceremony was good. it was a good wayang, but i hope it didnt cost too much. i mean the original budget for it was like 75mil, but its 387mil isit or something? taxpayers money. it better have the spin off, because the athletes arent worth that much in themselves.

anyway about the food provided to volunteers. i think it is absolutely understandable that volunteers do not get athlete level food. but we must note that these arent all true volunteers, they probably got banged about more so they angst harder and complain more. the thingis not about whether volunteers should be provided with food,but that if food is going to be provided, why provide such lousy unbalanced diet? i daresay that actually wet vegetables can be provided. just use those saf ration boxes and bags. the compartmentalized ones so that nothing really spills. is it that difficult? maybe can get cqs from iti to do ration. damn top quality la even can ice the fruits for them. and anyway the food can be kept for 4h in unopened ration bags, by saf standards, and i dont think it is that difficult anyway to gauge the food consumption time, cos they arent even on some assault mission, they are at very urbanized locations and the schedules can more or less be gauged.

grinder

how can predestination,
coexist with free will?

or is it just karma, sometimes
from your previous life

but if you were a jackass then,
why will you be different now?

do you believe in God?

triskaidekaphobe's nightmare

today.

0.4

if the 24 months can be likened
to the 2.4, that i suck at running
i am already into the last lappe
if pop was the end of the beginning
this must be the beginning
of the end
and the end, is starting to come
in sight

how to be a mugger, when

i have become too distracted too easily by ambient noise. and i get annoyed most by idiots who use their mobiles in the library. who do not put them on silent mode. who do not realize it is their phone thats ringing until 2 mins later. who do not have the courtesy to cut the line and rush for the exit but take their own sweet time to check the caller ID. and then pick up the damned phonecall in the bloody library. luckily there are some old men who readnewspapers who tell them off and shame them into leaving the library completely.

and i think parents who bring their toddlers to the library deserve death too. those toddlers run about, ruffle bags and stuffs and drop books all over the floor, and shout and bawl when they realize their parents are nowhere to be seen. its not like the toddlers are even literate enough to read books in this section anyway. some parents look so retarded i think they too cant even read books in this section too. and those that bring kids in prams are the worst. the kids are obviously too young to even prop books up against their chests to read and all they do is cry and cry and cry like babies. and the parents who try to pacify them in the library should be dropped down the atrium of the shopping center. faggots. inconsiderate faggots. and i notice most of them are from china. wonder why.

im all for providing conducive environment for learning from young but please dont do it at the expense of others. dont come up with the crap that theres no one home, unless you are a single parent with no one you can trust. actually highly possible la. once bitten twice shy, after choosing the wrong shagbuddy and choosing the wrong time to have no protection. and its not societys fault that you messed up. and the fact is that you dont see people bringing pets into the library cos theres no one at home. just go to the library when someone else is at home la wtf.

and i thinks students should be restricted to their own school libraries cos they make too much noise in the public library. i have a good mind photographing these nuisances who talks non stop in the library laugh and play instead of reading and sending them to the schools so that the principal will publicly cane them. ya, even the girls.hah.

then the library will be a conducive place for learning.

the entire

4 months to ORD
1 week to back to camp.

omg i have to take the bad with the good and i havent even studied french enough yet omg omg omg. and im finally settling back into my preprelims lifestyle of mugging and comics please dont do this to me argh!!!!

the futur

i like how soldiers are going to become more like power rangers and how the ncc npcc cadets n scouts n girl guides were all carrying red or white umbrellas.

omg i cant go back to camp im going to be super depressed. i want to continue reading hard everyday i dont want t go outfield i dont want to wake up early i dont want to sleep in ouv i dont want to cut my hair! argh!

and when im back its about 110 days to ord and that just sucks bigtime. too much thumbsucking action argh argh argh!

seveneleven

yesterday was preston the chinaman's birthday. so happy belated birthday preston the chinaman! hope that you is doing well at haitong and earning lots of monies and goodwill and excellent Cert of Svc so that you can join Fidelity and earn a starting pay of 5000 pounds a month so you can visit Singapore again for conferences.

deliverin' teh best!

today i commemorate my 1 year with ITI. at home. at the beginning of the end of my hospitalization leave. the year with ITI started on a high, from the first day when i was on a double decker bus heading home at 2pm for my first night of my stayout life. excellent la. i also saw ash, the most idiotic guy i have met in life so far and by a huge margin, but he wasnt that much obnoxious yet, at least not on the first encounter. my time at alpha was nice, i liked my oc and my encik a lot. extremely nice people, gave me lots of offs and gave me free off for all the firefly engagements and shielded me from ash, that idiot. still remember him telling people that i should be back on friday afternoon for his last minute storeinspectn cos i wasnt on my own off and i was given time off by my boss. i think i booked out too much for his taste he wanted to chiket me and make my life tough, but luckily i siamed taiwan and i siamed the last few days he had in camp. apart from him and his ridiculous ideas, life was quite good. waking up early for inpro or ippt fatigue sucked, but that was that. spent my time making friends and clowning around for most part. slacking in bc, then slacking in the mess, surfing random crap, then playing pool. guard duty was a perennial sucky point, but i was lucky enough to have siamed most of it cos i was promoted to gdcomd gd2ic in dec, but it was too late to schedule me for dec, and in jan they forgot again so my duty started in feb and ended in may. and in feb i didnt kena cny duty, which is immense, and the rest of the months the mpspec was kind enough to give me fairly good duties, including letting me do weekend share on good friday. lol. free day off. but he gave me one with the most screwed up DO ever, but luckily the duty clerk chatted with him all night i didnt get turned out by that no-gooder who is going to get struck by lightning some time soon. my charlie encik, i didnt really like, stupid and kei kao. but im not my upperstudy so when he got too far i just shouted at him like a man. it scared him that i wasnt going to cry like a baby like my upperstudy who lost his marbles. anyway i siamed roc and i slacked the whole may off like a man before going for my surgery which is awesome lah. now im going to hq. hope that i will be confirmed in opsint and life will be good as i cruise to my ord. 112 days from the day i will return to camp, with physio to be arranged, wisdom op to cover me from 27 sept to 2 aug and my 14 days of leave and 3 days of Off i expect honored. ok. today i mugged hard my french to commemorate the important day. so now i shall go sleep.

riotous calm

it's an emptiness i feel nowadays. i just feel, bored. and unsatisfied. event though i should be- i am on mc, my french revision is going on course, i have been reading well, most recently plutarch's sparta and orwell's why i write and the economist.

i have somewhat brought a schedule into my life of free existence to prevent myself from veering off course and down a deep dark abyss. once i wake up to light i get out of bed, which is anytime between 7 and 9 am, depending on the need to piss, which depends on water consumption the night before. and whether i took wine. but i invariably wake up before 9 because i can rarely sleep through drilling. and the drilling really rocks the world around me.

with dispensation, i leave for bpp on foot, usually reach it before 10, but the library opens around 11. i say 11, because the librarians open the gates to the hordes of boliao people waiting outside between 1 and 8 min late, by my clock, which should not be too far off the +0800GMT. a little unacceptable la, but this isnt germany or la gare du nord.

before the library opens i will find myself some discreet location in kopitiam or macs to sit and read my stuff. my magazines and books, no french. because both places are usually quite empty i get away with not ordering anything with no one to bother me, except maybe the zealous cleaner who enjoys mopping below feet.

and when im in the library i plonk myself down on the round table and get down to the hard work that is french, until about 5pm. of course its not pure mugging lah. this is not PIMPing. i go on the prowl for hot legs and transclucent shirts on hot girls. they do not appear until after 2. they peak at about 4, for some reason. so in the morning i am least disturbed, with no one to share my table. the past few days a sec 2 nygh girl called j4z31 from class 203 has been sharing my table. not hot, but cute. a little too young though, lol. so i dont perv her la.

its apparent that productivity is far from 100%, but it cant be helped, and i think its a good effort since i have hardly even sat myself down to something so boring and annoyingly pedantic that i feel like feeding my mechanical pencil up my nose every hour or so. it doesnt help that vocabulary is about the assembly and maintenance of an ensemble at one's finger tips. i remember little and forget muchly, my brain built more like a sieve. only studying chemistry in the leadup to the a levels was even more unpleasant. i mean in the field of mugging. field camp and related shit is definitely worse la.

then i leave for home around five because the drilling would have ceased by then and the library is a freezer and i would be frozen through even though i have my jacket. and the library would be filled with neighborhooddelinquents apeing around and prc retirees (dunno how the heck they got pr) talking their chinaman shit. because the librarians dont have balls the place will be a zoo with all the animals on steroids. a few will stand out for being excited about the ginger stuck up their behinds. its just a circus.

once i get home i read the papers, i go online, i sign into msn and appreciate all conversation i can get. i also sign into facebook for my routine stalking. it takes quite a while to go through whole photoalbums you know. i indulge in linking to pages of friends of friends and then perving them. haha. depraved. then i go about and lie on the bed and appreciate the sturdiness of la planche which still holds steadfast despite being soaked and leaky in the past few massive roof leakages. i also read, but not a lot.

then its dinner time with my parents, then we watch whatever garbage comes on tv. like entertainment on 5 today. complete crap, except that katy perry was on it. makes you wonder whether ellen was this bad when she started out hosting. then my parents will get back to whatever was occupying them and i will be doing nothing of any value or much entertainment. so i blog and hope that time passes and i get tired so i will sleep. but usually i am not tired and i watch cable until about midnight and i sleep, snuggled in my nice comfy bed, happy.

la soucoupe volante

1. my french vocabulary isnt much more limited than my chinese vocabulary. what i dont know in french i probably also dont know in chinese. like what the heck is le trottoir in chinese anyway?

2. i think im going to go hungry a lot and subsist on fast food in france and die of bowel cancer. there doesnt seem to be any nice food, fruit or vegetable, if the definitive list of fruit and list of vegetables provided by Collin's is sound. they even have a term for disgusting raw mixed vegetables. les incrudites. which just sounds sick.

3. my memory and econs really suck. still remember TIPSY and CoPING? or how to draw the LRAC and SRAC for oligopolies? i looked through my notes to weed out all the unacceptable junk before lending them to my cousin from hwach and i realized what a noob i was and still am at econs.

4. it goes to show that the a levels is too simple or too many people simply suck more than me.

l'escalier au ciel

as bangles are worn well by young girls and spinsters
handcuffs are worn well by heroes
who won't sell their brothers
for money
who won't sell their fate
for life
respect

august sprung from a leak in my ceiling

reminds me of my pw groupmate.

and today some ny girl flashed me. for like 10 sec, bud i cant be sure if that was a pair of blue fbts.

i have 16 days to the end of my mc. and the start of camp life again. oh no.

have been mugging french hard. must not regret wasted time.

a bientot!