what didn't kill me didn't make me stronger, bye 2009

another year has passed, but time didnt fly, time limped along like an arthritic amputee, unlike the previous 2 years. many people would say that so many things happened so quickly they lacked the opportunity to stop, breathe and think. unlike them, i have been privileged, especially the past few weeks when on the days when I was in camp, I literally had nothing at all to do except to wear my smart 4 and do last parade. lunch was a welcome period of socialization that broke the monotony of stoning on facebook playing bejeweled blitz and reading random junk like financial statecraft, which is a horrible book by the way.

as expected, over the past year my brain has slowed down a lot. it has evolved, from being a somewhat absorbent sponge to the metal 555 sieve you get at $2 a piece from your friendly neighborhood hardware store. i dont retaining anything of value and i dont recall anything anymore. i have become lazy to recall, i just call people up to ask. its not a cheap habit and i hope to kick it. the past few days i spent at wrl studying my french, which was quite ineffective. i fell in love with the mother in the story, you know the dumb feuilleton, and afterwards her daughter. all i can remember is that they run un petit restaurant dans un petit village a le cote d'azur. in fact i have been studying french on and off ever since my engineer days when i confirmed my scholarship, and i realized that i havent remembered much.

in a word, for me, 2009 is 'phail', as leonard from my bslc section likes to say and spell it. i have never been rejected so many times and so completely ever before throughout my pathetic 19 years on the face of the earth. of course the first and the most painful failure, now as then would be my failure to go to ocs. yes, it is evident that i would not have passed out from ocs because theres no way im going to pass soc, but thats not important. what is, is that i did not even get selected to go. that ive fallen outside of the top 8%. unlike some friend i made in secondary school, i will not say that the system has been a failure, because it hasnt been. i had been the failure. looking back, i regret taking life in bmt so lightly. i went to bmt hoping to go to ocs, but after i set foot on the island, my psyche gets rewired to try to live through day to day to the bookout. i concede that i hadnt performed well and i didnt wayang. wayanging is important especially for noobs like me who have many glaring flaws out in the open to be picked on. it always helps to have a flower on a pile of cowdung. which shouldnt be the rafflesia.

my failure to enter ocs probably catalysed the cascade of epic failures along the way. i remember going for my commission interview just into my 2nd week of bslc, where they plainly asked me why i did not make it to ocs. i was completely honest with them, i told them i was pussier than those who went to ocs, but i would still work hard. i guess working hard is not good enough for them. singapore needs people who can work, not people who try to work. its the result that counts, not the effort. and when they have so many talented people to choose from they can afford to be choosy. anyway, a digression...all this must be the fault of my dear bmt pc, who called them to reschedule my interview instead of letting me book out for field camp. who knows, the result might have been different if i had done it before going to sispec, just like how some champions had done it before they got prb and kicked out of ocs for reasons apart from injuries. anyway to add salt to my festering, maggot filled wound, rumor has it that someone who drank soap in bmt got it. now i respect that he is one talented guy, but this is stretching it.

my rejection from ocs has been haunting me ever since. every corner i turn, someone has to ask, kindly or snidely. people keep asking me why an rj guy cannot even go to ocs. and as always, i have to tell them that i sucked, which might not have been completely true but which i have come to accept. i will always remember my fellow rafflesn who happened to be with me during the assessment center. she continuously stabbed at my wound, like a cheap matador trying to weaken the bull with many tassels stabbed at the bullpenis. of course i let vengeance control my actions that day and Fortune favored the Brave (me).

i would like to digress, that they shouldnt come up with the newfangled initiative of renaming sispec scs because whatever you name it, its just for people who did not make it to ocs. its like naming normal normal. like my bslc pc said, sispec has become a place for wannabes to nurse their wounds. comme l'hopital des invalides, for veterans of bloody wars, even though these vets probably only fought some sandflies and maybe a wild boar or two. in the army its just officers, ncos and men, simple. i remember my final interview with ceo ies, where he just kept asking me so specialist is nco and i had to keep saying yes. it sounds funny, but sitting there alone in the room at the last hurdle, wanting and needing to impress, it can be harrowing. it might even be the death knell, but luckily it wasnt.

my poor performance in the army and in front of the commission silenced the bell of pride that might have tolled inside of me. the scholarship helped me salvage some pride and of course gave me the opportunity to study overseas and thats assuming i dont cock up my admission, like how i cocked up my us apps. ok i admit i didnt actually put in any effort, i never thought i would get in so i was applying for fun, but i was even rejected by lse. which is really, really poor. but im going to try to turn things around, now that ive set myself to work hard at french and dominate the interview come 2nd quarter next year. i really need to clinch it and at least confirm myself a job. it wouldnt be the best of jobs, but hey, it would be a very good job to start with.

i wouldnt talk about the other rejections, like my outright rejection by nus scholarships, spower and what not, because compared to those 2 bombshells, these are like blanks. they made a sound but left no mark on whatever was left on me.

if theres one thing i have learnt in the army, its that there are great people and there are shitty people and they come in all forms, regardless of race, language or religion. and rank. probably the guy who made the greatest positive impact on my army life would be my sispec pc, who knew from the onset that i was just one foamer who was probably going to ooc because outfield is going to tear his skin up and hes going to get tretinoin sooner or later. he happened to know of my a level results, which is nothing to shout about really, more than 100 people alone from one school got it, and he got me to be his pa to edit stuffs for him while the other fall out boys were digging happily at the soc ground. i was there in front of the computer all alone, enjoying the air conditioning typing rubbish that nobody was going to read at all. he trusted me, and he gave me time off to 'center myself' so that i would better perform. thanks to him i booked out 7 times for interviews and stayed out on a sunday night. towards the end he got a little irritated, but he still continued giving me les cartes blanches and shielding me, especially one day when i was late for morning parade cos the night before i booked in at like 2300 and didnt unpack anything so i couldnt find some stuffs. i guess i also didnt let him down, by doing quite well at the sil tests. lol.

my time at eti was probably the most miserable throughout the year. never had there been so many screwed up people been so concentrated in one place. the pc was a highflying warrant who is brilliant at carrying balls and squeezing balls. i remember him not allowing me to go for my final discussion, luckily the oc was there and he intervened. this devious guy always had on an angelic mask and tried to appear concerned about his men and all that, but he probably wasnt. i remember him being a real dick one day and delaying our bookout by 2h cos of some foamy standby bed of such a high standard my father was left waiting outside and i never had him pick me up again. i enjoyed some of the detonation practicals, but the overall experience of regimentation and water parades after the laxness of sispec made me throw in the towel. i ooced on the last day of the 4 week course, which i will not regret, because i dont want to go to gedong.

the wsm was also a dick, but this i realized only after ooc-ing. ooc life is supposed to be next to heavenly in camp, but he made it depressing. i remember him posting us to the guardhouse and telling us that its a shitty posting so he will not question what happens there, what shit we had to suck up and what welfare we got. we did well at the guardhouse, the mps liked us, the csm liked us. he gave us nights offs tuesday and thursday. which we took. and then came one fine day when this fat ass called to say that we must book in that night cos he understood this and that differently. i hate being threatened and being railed at so i didnt take to his unreasonable behavior very well. the oc also turned crazy and wanted to cancel nights outs for oocs. luckily the csm shielded us, and for this i respect him a lot. he was a firm and fair person, who was very welfare. he took care of the people under his charge, even the attached personnel. ir emember him bringing us to the safsa celebration and the chinook landing. i remember him allowing me to go for the firefly rehearsals. of course there were the nice mp specs, the only truly nice people i met in nee soon. on top of she bang you. who is the best mo i have ever come across. he is the most understanding ever and he is one who just puts the cards out on the table. he can double up as your lifecoach and give adam khoo a run for his money. without she bang you, i dont think i would be this happy now.

looking back, engineers was a hellhole, if not for the hwachong oocs.

when i went to iti, i thought i entered hell too. iti was supposed to be a choice posting, and my dear friend stho was already at iti. often he extolled the virtues of the camp. it was slack, relaxed and above all, stayout. i salivated.

then on my second day there i met this person, who just made me foam. he is still myindirect superior, but he was a nasty guy who had illusions of himself being justice bao. he was mean and started talking to me about what could be done and what couldnt and what is saf approved what isnt and all that nonsense. i still dont like him, because he has high standards and can be a little bit too particular about things. i suppose you need someone like him around here to make sure that at least some work is done so team2 wont plunge into darkness and fail lri. so far, i have avoided him and whenever i see him i act respectfully, apologize for any shortcoming, real or perceived and just scoot off. the other people in camp are just nuah, and i like my superiors who are both nice people who let me off for all my firefly activities.

subsequently i went for the cq course, which was a complete waste of time. this was the paragon of what would happen if inefficient and unmotivated clowns are led by a clown with gradiose vision of distant ends with little concrete plans on how to get there. the course was a joke, more than half the time we were just sitting around staring into space. if not for my nice bunk and some people i met along the way, like kek who posted out and khairul my future boss with whom i discussed some issues and aired some views, i would have died. it was on this course where chaokenging came out en masse as throngs of people took mc every weekend and people wiggled out of shitty situations by playing the medical card.

i was guilty of this myself to get into fsg fsg, basically the group that completely wont sleep outfield, i told the conducting who initially told me to bathe outfield with jerry cans that i and a few others would report sick the very day the exercise began. attendance was poor and the auditors were coming down i suppose, so he relented. that was a minor success and my first step towards diplomacy and common action. lol.

without learning anything relevant because i was day dreaming or discussing politics or just staring at the water point, i returned to iti where i currently am and would be for about a year more. i hope the time here will be smooth sailing, i will continue with my french lessons and do well and ord and go to france! yay.

if theres something i have learnt this year, it would be to expect the worst. i used to laugh at all those dumb safety assessment checklists all over the camp, where they says no shifting of chairs ncase people trip and fall. its not a joke. shit like this happen. my storeman cut his head while moving conc wire and im still puzzled how he did it. on top of it, when things looked like they were going to reach fruition, something just comes along to mess it up. there are so many examples but i am too lazy to mention them.

apart, my experience has reaffirmed that might is right. it doesnt matter how watertight you find your argument to be and it doesnt matter that its more logical to clean the safety goggles before lining them instead of lining them and then cleaning them some other time, but it actually doesnt matter. what usually matters is that crap and those inverted chevrons. of course, those with rank shouldnt go about abusing those without, just as rousseau mentioned the weak can connive to bring down the strong, we might be little spawnlings but we can find strength in unity so dont be the force behind the unity. anyway in this camp, i notice many little spawnlings spend their time praying for the their perceived tyrants to get posted out, fired, or to die. lol.

as a small fry, your words and actions dont carry weight at all. seriously no one really cares and it helps for you to talk less so you have to do less, cos when you do less you have more lepak time and make less mistakes so less chance to kena fk. there is no incentive to work, to think, to improve so it helps if one doesnt do any of the above too much. or at least exercise some caution. i have seen too many people with too much initiative who kena fk. but of course, this is the army, try this in real life and you will foam. some skills that are important in the army becomes less important outside, mainly the skill to look like youre working when youre not.

i have never bothered myself with thinking about how things can be better because this requires too much effort and too little returns. by the time anything constructive gets done i would have ord-ed, and they wont like call me back to give me institute best soldier, and anyway by that point i wont need or want it or them to call me back. but its alright. anyway life here as of now is as good as i can expect from an army camp.

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
MJ RIP

If theres anything, I hope to be a better person, just like how i have hoped to be a better person and always failed. i know deep down inside that im quite a faggot and i thank all my friends for tolerating me, especially stho for tolerating my oblique insults in and out of camp, and mark for humoring me, and zhenan and aaron for all the fun i had. i hope to spend more time with my french, seriously mugging it. i hope to read more, especially in camp, instead of playing hobo prison brawl so that i know more and can transit into uni life better and contribute better to my work in the future.

of course i hope i can get a girlfriend, but as usual, this is a lost cause. cos im too much of an underachieving foamer. i will try my best but i will not be a toad lusting after swans flesh. i hope that my friends will help remind me. hahaha.

goodbye 2009.

hello 2010!

fate

DIE

ies and mfa neva reply to ma emaille.

isit cos they both jointly decided to rejectt mee
oh no

oh no
noooo

die

how?

nuslaw.

"ho mia peng"

nothing to complain about, my camp life up till now has been good, and i so thank my lucky stars. off friday, off today too. cohesion tomorrow, so like, 5 days in a row no work? and anyway even back in camp also hardly got any decent work to do ya?

very gneiss.

hehe. later goes barbecue.

going to apply to Sciences Po. hope i gets in. i am a real foamer. dont laughs.
bonk.

round
right round
right round
my head spin

round round round

hehe
absinthe
smoke ringgs

floreat

i now find myself at a crossroad on my journey through life (and towards death). discounting that which lead me here, i have 3 options lying ahead, ready to be seized and exploited. law, firefly, sgs. all tantalizing options, all going to affect what i am going to do with most of my waking hours in the years ahead to come.

the life sentence is a nasty cascade of toil, tears, work and worry. where tribulation follows tribulation, until of course, the mother of all tribulation comes knocking. i am a foamer. i want to choose the route with the least pain, even if it might bring along lesser highjoys. i have never liked roller coasters, i have never liked intensity. i like to live within my pathetic little comfort zone. drab it might be, but tranquil. peaceful. safe. secure.

my heart is weak and weary.
and it demands repose.

i hate making decisions. i make bad decisions. i am never bold. and Fortune, she rarely favors me.
i know.
i always throw bad die.

and Regret no longer pays me frequent visits. Regret stays with me, follows me, like my shadow. never leaves me, except when i am in the dark.

Regret, feeds on me, diminishes me. makes me less of a man, more of a pussy.

many times i think i thought i could have, i think i thought i should have. i examine my life too much. every small, quiet moment, i think to myself how things would be different, better, if i had done otherwise. if i had studied harder. if i had been more sociable. if i had been more spontaneous. like a voyeur i scrutinize my mistakes under the microscope in my mind. and like a pervert i make notes to myself. of course, not like an rgs girl, but in my mind.

i like to give things due consideration. i take long to arrive at even the simplest decisions, like whether i should go to macs or eat banmian. for stuffs with longer lasting impact, i take way, way longer. i think much, much harder. over the years, my brain has slown down, even with such gymnastics.

i have fear in me.
fear is useful, like rocks in the hold that help a ship stay its course.
but too much fear, and the boat will sink. everytime i see myself as a ship, i visualize my sinking. this sinking feeling, comes naturally, has become an inalienable part of me.

i cannot bear myself. life is just too tough. all along the way come obstacles. all along the way come choices. and this time around i will make the best of choice.

in some sense, i consider myself quite lucky. this is somewhat a happy problem. i am glad to have been considered for 2 scholarships, albeit 2 not so 'atas' ones. nus law and econs, thats percuniary.

and today i have to make a decision. nus can go bugger itself. doesnt want to give me a scholarship. it can X off. now i am left with 2 options, both promising a glimpse of a somewhat bright future that i have the potential to attain. of course, whether i achieve anything is for tomorrow to know. but today i know i will sign away my career.

especially if i join the foreign service. undeniably, a very specialized job. i think i would like the foreign service, i like all the intricacies and cold calculation the job entails. intrigue in this very machiavellian world beckon. i would pounce at it, but then, if i dislike it in the end, i would have little chance for a complete and real change of job. the job is too specialized, with but a sole employer, the government of singapore. they would have a stranglehold on me. in theory i can join the private sector, but as a small minion. to build my career from the ground up again, after finishing my bond.

ie singapore, undoubtedly, allows for a career switch more easily. after all, one deals with the private sector. this exposure allows for the harnessing of contacts, the building of private relations to be brought along. the knowledge of helping companies to internationalize, the intimacy with process i can gain will make me more valuable to the private sector, than knowledge of dhakali civil law.

i like them scholars too. they are fun people. and i look forward to having these fun people, i hope i can consider them more than acquaintances, as my colleagues. but 5, 6 years down the road, things change, people change. colleagues are also competitors. of course in ies not so much as in mfa, since competition is less intense.

then again, ies is about helping SMEs. they make you foam hard. there are figures to be met, just as in the private sector. i like work where i dont get assessed by quantity, but by quality. and if you get some shit job like water resource, you can just see your numbers crunched till they become unrecognizable. of course, foreign service, it can be worse. with no real data to work with, KPIs on irrelevant things become very important. and i suck at KPIs.

foreign service is massive. there would probably be some place i can find myself slotted in. or at least i hope so. with 40 consulates all over the world, i hope i can go somewhere decent, and achieve something decent, so that i will not commit suicide over my career. ie singapore is david when compared to foreign service, but it is expanding. and i relish being a pioneer, especially on the lost continent. africa. the gods must be crazy there.

the main bad point about foreign service is the fact that there are many psc, and they are admittedly better than those wif sgs. of course, things can change and people can change, and those who do well in council, gaying around and painting banners might not do so well when it comes to sitting in a war room with the likes of dr strangelove. fengshuilunliuzhuan. but its like starting out on a wrong footing, like going into battle with an entrenchment tool against someone with a loaded m16. there is a chance for survival, but a slim chance at best. and in the civil service, perceived ability is very important. sgs is perceived or maybe it is definitely second class.

but then again, ies is relatively small yet it can take it so many scholars. a bit weird. and i thought ie was, hmm, and for this i refer to my posts in november of 2007.

conundrum. tough life.

despair

echo

that's the way it should be

pupectomy - $250
knn

im going to study dentistry. its good money man. and you make people happy. of course, that half hour was pure agony as my gum got injected 5 times, my teeth got scrapped raw, blood spurted onto the dentist's hair. times like this make faith in God very important, how to get through all this nonsense. hehe.

on a separate and irrelevant note. happy birthday singapore.

majulah singapura!

what do you see?

sentenced not to death, but to life, and what suffering it might bring

until death, the last anticipated and long awaited eternal rest.

with a broken molar (1-7) and a toothache so bad my whole right side is throbbing, i cannot agree more. my dents have always been poor. and i hardly see the dentist. i remember the last time i saw the dentist, i was in ri. got 3 teeth extracted. in one session. my mouth was numb for like 6 hours and my gums bled for 1 day. i still have milk teeth. many. this broken molar apparently being one of them.

saw the dentist when i was still at nee soon camp. she was one dilf. dentist i'd love to fk. quite a harrowing experience, the camp dentist. she got an xray done of my tooth. the dental film was shoved in on a receptacle, and the roof of my mouth got cut. it bled. for the next few days, it hardly healed. might have gotten myself some blood poisoning. supposed to have seen the dentist again thursday past, but i was revocated and moved over to iti, where i meet sammytho.

left my neesoon guardhouse life behind of me. i enjoyed that period immensly. 4 hours of duty a day, some random saigang, and then i was free to apprendre grammaire, entertain myself on ebuddy, fool around on facebook, win monopoly, take risks, sleep and pick up smoking. the first stick, i felt the same as italo svevo's zeno in zeno's conscience. i broke out in cold sweat, my heart beated fastly, and the first puff was not sweet, but then the second puff got better. it cleared my throat, expanded my lungs and sharpened my thoughts. but i havent yet savored another stick.

but as schopenhauer so elegantly mentioned, life is but work, worry, toil and tears. we were constantly terrorized by coyline, over our nights offs and scanning for food. our contemporaries were jealous, and the higher ups were sadistic. i still remember leaving on a bus and then getting called back because of a ruse over h1n1. i will always remember. those bastards. i will also remember them making us scan for food we did not consume. and more. but i guess if life were only the guardhouse, we would lose direction. just as weight slowed down ships, weight helps them stay on course. since before mercantilism, holds of ships had to be filled.

i did not like my first week in the guardhouse, but it got better. we got to know the guards and the guards became more familiar with us. we had fun. i made many friends. the complex sm was very nice. he let me bookout many times, and he let me book out to send my brother off. i think the faggot in coyline would never have allowed. i almost can say, i know for sure he wont.

my first days in iti i know not yet how it is. but i hope its good, i hope i get to stay out, i wish i hope i may. that i will not take anything for granted, and face every tribulation bravely, and possibly, with a smile on my face.

life is fun and exciting.

bone.

back to camp tomorrow. to suffer.
i know im going to suffer.
i just refuse to enjoy myself.

i am one crazy dick.
i think with my other head too much.
should not devolve to it so much decision maing power.

haha.

it's hard to go on facing each new day

the week was a blast. guardroom work is the foam. temperature taking involves planting yourself in a tent, with a 8806 that hardly works, filling up forms and handing stickers to a neverending line of cleaners, construction workers, reservist personnel, deliverymen, drivers. vehicle monitoring is the shit, sit there and take down the numbers of vehicles entering and leaving the camp. but the respite is that you can let music fill your empty soul.

other than those duty times, you get to slack in a room, watch movies. hehe. i watched southpark, which was one awesome movie. beneath all the senseless swearing, it actually strikes some raw nerves about disconnects in society, disparity and the protection of the freedom of expression. reminds that the conservative wing acting on its intolerance and becoming militant. watched also hostel 2, which was one depraved shit. waht with a lesbian hanging up a woman and carving her up with a crescent scythe before bathing in her blood. wasnt even scary, just depraved. fuck man. the guys who thought of all these need some help and vanilla porn. watched natl treasure 1 and 2, also watched some jack neo production and a cool summer boxing show with hott naked girls. not bad la, but they always cheebye you, at the climax get you to do saigang like remove barbed wire, call people up, move stuff around, deliver papers. nabeh. bully us.

being at the mouth of the camp is quite good. can see the minahs and lians from mdc. and they always dress hotly. hehe. can exploit the temperature taking to get a closer look at them. especially when ask them to come closer and bend forward to take temperature. they mostly look natural and nice. saw juanhe. he came for dental ffi before he disrupt. nabeh. bet he enjoyed the day. the dentist is one hot thing. all the horny rps keep thinking of how they are going to do her, what with her giving them a blowjob and then squirting all over her 'thick eyebrows'. and how hot it would be for her to kiss them after that. i just find sucking my own come disconcerting. and i find blowjobs disgusting anyway.

talking about rps, they are all nice, if lazy and sexcrazed. all they think of is boning the dog, blowing their rifle and having sex in the guardroom toilet, on top of discussing how they would fuck cpt jenny and the dentist. in the mean time they hump the tentage, ask the mdc minah to kiss them and the like.

csm is nice. nights off tues thurs. lols. we rapes hard man!

hehe.
i think im more inclined to sgs.

roulette

booking in later. life sucks.

hope guardhouse work will turn out just fine.

gonna learn myself driving.

eudaimon

the week i wallowed in a sea of calm boredom, with nary much real stuff to do. saved from the monotony by Arion's dolphin, in the form of Plato's The Republic. hahas. i like the book a lot, although I think Socrates relies too much on analogies, and some analogies are clearly bad. how he reaches the conclusion that the soul is immortal makes me foam.

he rightly points out that philosophers are useless or dangerous, because either they think too much of a simplistic world of pure and honest individuals or they are just pretentious bastards. his republic will never work and surely degenerate, because he demands too much of his phulakes, or Guardians, requiring they be good fighters and good philosophers. quite hard. and his foamer ideas also dont work because there is no way to test the 'heavenly metals' in a person. not paying them is a joke, and no matter how much Reason a person has, his Ambition and Desire will also have some say in his life.

math (reason) appeal less to a common man than sex, after all, as thrasymachus rightly pointed out. sex affects everything and as homer mentioned, even zeus forgot the plan he thought of all night when he saw the silhouette of hera in the glow of the moonlight.

eugenics has gained much ground, although we do not expose the flawed babies as he suggest. meritocracy is in fact what contributes to his aristocracy and all. his revolutionary idea of breaking up the family unit and allowing all the returning winners to fuck all they please to produce the fittest young is a bit too extreme to seriously implement. social upheavel requires dissenssion in the ruling class, but for such serious displacement of the social order, much more is required.

else time, i read FHM Asian Edition. some special edition thingy. Ann Wu and Stacy Chou are HOTT HOTT HOTT man! taiwan is the bomb place. "boys liked to spank my butt when i was in school". "my friends call me papaya tree because i am slim but my top is heavy". but the quote that struck me most was "sex is about releasing the heat. making love is that and emotions". wow. cheem sia.

booked out on monday to buy foam cutter. i was foaming. ooc really can anyhow book out and do shit.

went to send zhenan off. met him at pp, went to his hostel and then to the airport. after almost 5 years in sgpore, i think he might forever not return. thats not a bad thing, for both singapore and him. there is one less prc and i dont see much that singapore has to offer. at least he neednt the servitude to which me and my 'brothers in arms' have been subjected.

its a close of a chapter, really. i consider myself lucky to have ever known well a chink as him, that not all chinks are one monolithic whole of a bastardic community bent on cheating the world. in china, honesty is one funny word. so is generosity. hehe. glad he isnt much like that.

anyways his people liberation army, victoria edition sent him off. aaron teoh also got off pass to send him off. aslc is one fun place lol. loves it lots.

tomorrow book in, sian. kena attached to guard room. hope it isnt fucked up. cannot sleep from dusk to dawn and dawn to dusk anymore. haiz. but neverminds, got tv and internet. yays.

the delicacy of life

every moment
something comes along to knock
some life out of me.

the cars have come to knock me down
the durians to poison me.

smoke i inhale intently
medicine that i abuse.

life was beautiful
still is

but i have grown weary.

mayflower

as expected, chevrons was a waste of time. cohesion is nothing but a waste of time. many people were late, and the real men among us got themselves excused. went to the same loser audi, now with engineers replacing golfers. baah. saving private ryan, a refreshing portrayal. macabre, but somewhat more realistic than all those romanticized nonsense. i am afraid of Death, even though i know that Death is drawing closer with every breath i take. i think war has become more humane now. we wont experience the agony of our orifices spilling out along a sandy beach or of our limbs getting blown to smithers. i think nkorea is going to get us all. our eyes will collapse into a pile of come, and our flesh will burn off of our bones before we even collapse to the ground. very nice.

anyways, bowling was a waste of time because i couldnt bowl. ended up destroying lane 20 of orchid bowl. i lobbed a 13pounder upwards and outwards in homage to seah and projectile motion. it came down and thundered, and lo, there was an indentation in the lane. fuck it, its not my lane.

wild wild wet. got baked in the hot sun. now my skin is red as hell. it is cracking and blistering. i hate the sun. no, wrong. i hate staying in the sun. i think i should see the MO for a downgrade to E9L9 for melanine deficiency. hah. but fuck that wont happen. no one cares for the hippocratic oath anymore.

went out with zhenan, stho and mark. met many others around city hall. somehow many like to lurk in the environs of old ri. pussiness. soon zhenan will be gone to china, and mark to medicine. stho is leading a happy stayout life. screw all of them. anyways, the chapter is probably coming to a close, now is a good time to start a new chapter, especially for zhegay. theres nothing to be sad about leaving friends behind. after a while, i think we will forget too. i know. i have forgotten clean almost everything about primary school. it is important to enjoy the present, and know that you enjoyed the past. if the past cannot translate into the present and possibly an enduring future, then so be it.

life goes on.

today is aaron's most important day

her birthday mah.

none of my business
OOC BUNKER
closer to God
nearer to heaven
among the clouds

time travels faster here than down there
as hawking declares.
ahaha.

everyday just read books in office
do saigang

my list for the week
Plato's The Republic
Mahbubani's The Age of Innocence
Machiavelli's The Prince

Go me Go!

stop sucking thumb

thumb sucking must stop.
we have a choice.
seize the day.
do it.
the days of lanlansuckthumb are over. we the young ones should not be held as hostages of hate. even if we have to be slaves, we can be bad slaves. such lousy slaves, that we are no longer worthy as slaves. they will whip, chain, yank, shank, castrate and fuck us, but we should not surrender. our heads may become bloodied, but we shall remain unbowed. the apparition of gandhi will appear as we start our non-violent resistance, not for ourselves and ourselves alone, but for the others who will come after us. let us do something meaningful so that for all posterity the suffering would be a figment of the past, a nightmare they will not have to suffer. let this bondage gain the patina of the belgian congo. that will be remembered, but never again experienced.

else,
i've decided to be more positive about nslife. i will try to enjoy my ordeal as best as i can. just like rape victims should try to enjoy their ordeals so that the perverts do not gain full comfort and control as part of their satisfaction.

i've become a celebrity and a consultant after getting ooc-ed. everyone needs some advice, and as a nice friend i am ever willing to share. like william tan, i like making a difference.

this frenzy that erupts about the OOCs and the downpessers
really spakes volumes of our love for national service and the manliness of the men who carry the pink.

only in this period of bondage does being injured become a good thing. almost everyone wants to hurt himself, not for a purple heart, or duty, honor, country, but for the 'c' behind their pes. somehow, it is like getting 'excused heavy load' and throwing down the yoke of oppression. the yoke's down, but you are still shackled. an improvement, anyhows.

yupp, they treat you as humanely as possible, like in guantanamo bay, for the very same reasons that treat you so, in guantanamo bay.

life is beautiful

if and only if you

O.O.C.

OOC

I did it.

in the mean time,

got myself exRMJ exIPPT until 31082009.
brilliant.
lovely.

MO is nice guy.
asked me if i like lady gaga.

i says, "yes, sir"

he says, "good for you"

...

"let me see your mri" says he.

...

"WHOA JIALAT JIALAT. confirm going to medical board. i am going to take you out of course. "

flips OOC n downpes book

"C2, after op C9, permanent"

i sign medical board form.

decided i did not want to wear uniform. tells him i feel itchy. after going to north gate field everyone itched. exuniform 1 week. am i a man or what..

lalala.

life in camp is sooo good when you are a man of status. like me.

人必有一死,或重于泰山,或轻于鸿毛

life has lost its meaning.

why do so many value life so much? so much is spent every year by so many on such hopes to extend life. immortality seems quite impossible, at least immortality in our state of flesh. because then time would become irrelevant and opportunity would become meaningless. time exists because we cannot all at once perceive everything around us, so they appear to us at distinct and disparate instances. immortality would allow us to perceive again, to try again. immortality confers the chance to restart, to redo. then, carpe diem would cease. life is beautiful because it is ephermeral, just like the crazy nips appreciate the sakura because they die fast.

i have come to be amazed by how people can value life so much. the old, sick and weak pressuring forward. the retired who do nothing much but gardening and popping pills to kill time and keep themselves alive to kill time. the centenarian who does yoga to keep healthy, to live longer to do more yoga.

i havent smiled in a long time. i havent really laughed in a long time. whenever i laugh something inside feels sickened, twisted. i aske myself, why, and i know not the answer. perhaps some baser emotions. that i can understand, but beyond that, i know not the will to live. the pursuit of happiness doesnt seem to make any sense to me anymore. mostly i see the pursuit coming to nought, the sacrifice of present satisfaction vaporise as the future satisfaction fails to materialize. and even when that endstate i yearned for so luckily comes to being, i am again lost in another endeavor.

always we set goals, for a better future. a brighter tomorrow. but at what cost, and for what future? will earning mountains of money make me happy? will becoming a corporate bigwig make me happy? will becoming a leader of men make me happy? surely they will, in some ways, but will i not be happy being a pauper, in some wicked, twisted way? i dont know. high flyer, why, high flyer?

maybe life is sad because my life revolves around myself. some say, living for others is most satisfying. i have never found that the case. i have refrained from attachment since my goldfish died when i was 7. it hurt.

i know not what im doing, why am i thinking and for what i am living. sometimes, i just want to extract myself from all these sensory experiences. but i havent yet done drugs. the older i become, the more my life resembles that in the state of nature. of threats and compellence, as those in power seek to oppress the weak and feed on them. dulce et decorum est, pro patria mori. propaganda. and later i am going to feed on it as i book in to continue my miserable experience for another 1.5 years.

the only reason that i am still alive is because i do not know what happens in death. do i stay in limbo, trapped in my coffin to wait for domesday? or would my conscious just disappear? i dont know. and i am afraid of what i dont know. maybe i should break out, take the chance. but i am a wuss. i am afraid of the unknown. i am afraid of death.

i dont want to die. i just wish i had never been born at all.

d-day

will never be brave enough for D-Day
would not throw myself onto a french beach head
with rain and howling winds
wehrmacht machine gunners spraying at me.

those were brave men
who sacrificed so the jews may be free
who were part of the force for liberation
and the force for freedom
will never have the balls to be among them

unless, of course, im forced.
you know, 'death for deserters'.

ETIBTCSTW-FUBAR

nothing positive about the last 2 weeks.
lectures day on end
know not whats happening

practicals and
teamwork
euphemism for
free-ridership.
i ride freely

ever so often
toying with my life
detonator crimping
petn explosive.
that looks and smells
like white rabbit sweet
tough.

stupid ite bastards
screwing the course up.
tamilas like to kill tamilas.
right. stupid staff, stupid coursemates.
keep torturing his fellow tamilas

at the same time denying us of restt.

exLL 1 month and im still not ooc.
how.

even porn cant perk me up

i don't want to die,
i just wish i'd never been born at all.

sometimes i wonder why i did not apply to medicine

aaron's already in camp.

in less than 12 so would i.

field engineer training for common phase. fuck. please.

boohoohoo.

fast the week has flown past
like a 5.56 whistling past after the percussion cap had been struck.

time crawled the past 8 weeks before last week.

nevertheless
i enjoyed myself
immensely. reading, visiting panton, surfing, wanking.

much more i did with much less time than before.

tomorrow shall report to eti. first 4-5 weeks field eng training. fuck. i think i am going to die. i really will foam damn hard, especially when you consider that i have neither ran nor jumped in the last 4-5 weeks. bah. i hope i dont get confined for corrective training every saturday. if not i will go to mo every week n try to ooc loh!

pray i do well this tuesday.

i hope

i hope my 4p classmates wont spit on me because i cannot disrupt ns.

i hope they also wont spit on me cos i am from sispec.

i hope they wont spit on me cos i got a2 for higher chinese.

an afternoon, 2 books, 1 black armchair

the best things in life come free.
realized that after blowing more than $1000.

went to see a specialist in mountE, then went over to lucky plaza and did an mri. was a cool experience. i fell asleep during the mri. the irritating sounds cant stop me. i am sispec trained. got time will sleep. that was half an hour of shut eye in a freezing room that costed $802.50. if i did not remember wrong. anyways my quads been wasted, on top of having a swollen patella and cartilage degeneration. hopes got potential to downgrade.

went to borders and read till 830. read Think, one of the required readings for oxppe. quite foamy to read. damn tough, convoluted. then read berkeley. my favorite solipsist. before i read the audacity of hope by obama. damn nice. i still maintained my ability to read fast. all in an afternoon.

in the time, i saw many couples and 1 rj couple smooching in 1 corner of borders. the guy was stroking the girls thigh and the girl was squeezing his butt. of course, they werent in sch uniform. but i recognize them.

anyways, after meditating in borders, i found out why girls who wear miniskirts wear shorts underneath. they dont want to zaogeng. i always thought that if they didnt want to zhaogeng, then wear longer skirts. but no. they wear miniskirts to show off their hot legs, not show off their underwear. cool. it took me years to reach that conclusion. but at least i did.

pleuvoir

the rain made the grass
grow greener and made my heart
grow much wearier

<>>>

i am going to pia. ya. going to gives it all ive got, what ive got to rape eti. make sure i get chosen for pltn sgt course. then i will gets lots of $$$. hahaha. trying to sleep n slack through ns isnt really working well. for the first time in my life i thought i was going to spend 2 years with little goal and nothing to work hard for. i am already getting numb from the lack of challenge. i think this yearning to rape comes from within.

but my piahing is contingent upon combat engineers not having soc as a requirement. ha. fk. if its a requirement to pass course then u will see me doin cos duties everyday until i become an admin spec. lol.

tomorrow i is see specialist at mt elisabeth for me knee. i hears this doctor has confidence to downgrade me. good.

next week foreign affairs informal discussion.

aaron is a great poet.

sun shines
sweat streaks
into my eyes
as i squint to catch that ray
wind caresses
gently urge the clouds
as they clear away
makes me
wonder
what goes beyond
that piece of blue

night falls
clouds return
sky on fire
watch clouds burn
rain's coming
run for cover
look around
cant escape
not at tp2e
but that's
where i'll go
where cats and dogs call
where the cold wind blows (and
bellows)
soaked
shivers in the chill
makes me wonder
if i'll
last through the night

well captured, the mood of the moment. that night at tp2e.

national museum

the visit was fun in a weird way.

i likes the verner panton exhibit. actually ive got a lot of furniture that are copies. haah. i have that S chair and the plastic injected chair shit. all vestiges of the 1970s and 1980s my parents have refused to leave behind. but also in good taste. actually i have a lot of things from the past. like all the coffee cups and mugs also on display at singapore street fare. anyways. verner pantons chairs are nice. so were his lamps. and i like the gay room he created. lol. it was fun interacting with the gay room. i did not really appreciate the christian lacroix exhibit. cannot really relate to the costumes.

anyways after that we went onto fort canning hill, went on to fort gate, sally gate and visited the keramat. i think it was the first time for zhegay to go up fort canning hill. what a pussy.

then at 1730 we returned to the musee to see the other exhibits cos they were free then. i like free stuff. the womens clothes thingy was quite nice. but i think they are better naked. anyways, i also liked the operas n wayangs one. although all they were showing was malay horror movies on the screens. some artefacts were just nice to look at. was a nice way to while away the afternoon.

then we is go chin chin for dinner. haha. after that go bugis, then home. tomorrow i wants go back school, but nobody elz going leh, than aaron. sian.

i want nobody

SGCs and A level certs are ready for collection at the general office. i cannot wait to see my flawless cert. haha. its the first thing that went right for me this year. haha. if not 2009 has generally been a complete disaster.

i am efficient. today i surfed porn, wanked, came and read the whole book, 50 philosophers. st augustine and thomas aquinas dont really make much sense, but i cannot judge from that book, its just a snapshotte. i also finished up the introduction to the Bible (ox) which was little more than a collection of bible stories my maid used to tell me when i was young. i just love porn man. summore now i am of the legal age to surf. when i go to uk, maybe i will save up my allowance and go to a strip bdsm club. hehe. i dont see any clause in the deed that says i cannot engage in such activities. such activities dont even break the law in uk, how nice is that!

the only thing bad about porn is that we derive so much pleasure from it, we forget fear and all her friends. organized religions feed on fear, so they are afraid of porn. i think i reason as well as aquinas.

tomorrow i goes national museum. i want to see the verner panton exhibitn. i dont know why i want to, but i know i want to. maybe its some inner stirring. my aesthete. actually i like to see furniture designs. i think its quite cool for people to keep reinventing chairs from different molds, all to serve the same purpose. how do you know a chair is a chair if the chairs have no legs, no backs and no defined seat? how do you know that a coffeetable is not a stool or that a stool is not a coffeetable, even though we can sit on the coffeetable and put our coffee on the stool? i think its cause we all have the ideal chair in our minds, and we know that the creator of the chair so deemed it to be a chair. it serves the purpose of the chair. just like when we do go outfield, even the confluence of mangled branches make a good chair so your ass wont get wet from sitting on the damp soil. maybe it is a chair if we think its a chair. its the concept and not the object, the potentiality, not the actuality. hmm.

anyways, zhenans students should study harder so they have a fighting chance to pass their exams. they shouldnt be wasting their time here. hehe. if not become like my bmt pc, ABCD for a levels, so noob.

25 square

well said don! im happy that there are only a few of my students who are reading this and given the limited information on blogspot, its hard for ppl to track who u r. otherwise, even the defending skills u learnt in bmt will not help u to survive. LOL...

anyway, i have not been posting for quite some time again. mainly because i am lazy. ok, later i need to go to the science centre to check out sth. but will also slack around there and play.

exams are over. im quite bored.

i watched secret and decided that i should learn the piano. but given my personality, i anticipate that the enthusiasm will fade away in a period of 3 to 4 weeks.

i kept watching the big bang theory and i like sheldon alot.

i feel like that i am doing that 25 random thing on facebook. (i kept kena tagged, but i only answered once)

well. i am going to eat something.

signing off.
zhenan

victorians are s____d

hehe is shant be so mean. and i dont want to get screwedd. you knows, i cannot get away with stuffs like lbw, what about questioning ppls integrity...

make me

armoured engineer sounds tough

the only redeeming factor is that soc is not a passing criterion. not a veto factor. so i still have a fighting chance to passout as 3sg. haha.

armor engineer specialist

school of infantry specialists here i leave...

sibei heng. fuck. luckily no aslc man. dunnd exercise cobra and what not. dont need to go to taiwan and hump around for 3 weeks. uncontrolled navigation for 100km. on foot. in the jungle. siao. yay.

most importantly, engineers dont need to do soc! hahahaha. with this new posting, i can kiss the low wall goodbye. and i heard that arm eng spec dunnd lbv also. just wear that temasek green jumpsuit. which is good shit.

wasnt the best of postings. would have preferred signals. stagmont campe is so much nearer to my house than nee soon camp. but thats fine by me too. chongpang is a nice place to screw around during nights outs. hahas. but sadly, no one from golf is aes like me. chaocheebye. but aes sounds better than field and cbre. and encik says i earn more than arm inf and aslc dudes. lol. hopes people there are nice.

anyways, all the best to the aslc doods. aaron, ronald, nigel. hongkan.

else, i missed 28km routemarch. i guess that doesnt matter, cos engineers dont do routemarches, methinks. lol.

grandslam summary exe

wanderer was stupid. prc 77 was fucking heavy and the stupid metal frame rested on the large util pouch. as expected, we didnt bash, just used track. but with my talent and pure luck we didnot get caught at all. we did not even have to hide. no one came to catch us. found 3 day checkpoints then we got too slack so we slacked at ahmads training shed. some stns were pretty hard to find, but jufris the man. haha. i juz carry the set at the road, then he chiong in to do the shading. haha along the way met the ocs delta guys. saw auyong. haha. his sectn instructor looks damn fierce. we got scared hed report us, cos we were at a junction, helmet off lbv off long 4 unbuttoned eating. doin eveyrhting we werent supposed to.haha.

night we foamed. couldnt find the fucking checkpoint, lallang too tall, too many coconut trees. commzed 00, and they commz back saying, do not totally trust the map, roads might have changed. wtf. if liddat then might as well dun use map right. cheebye. we rv with other groups looking for WASP, then got too shag we just slpet on the road for 1h before we moved on. exe called off, by the time we reached b coy trng shed it was 1, slept quite comfy.

next day we do pltn harborin. tact march 1.5, harbor. nth much, jus quite shag. high kneelin wif fullpack damn siong. can die. after that just slack around. luckily no ayraf to kachiao us. saw our new sectn instructor. sian that it was not ahmad at first, but found out later he was also an nsf n ahmads good friend and he also damn welfare. life really rocked from then on.

got assessed on first day. did 2 immediate assaults. 2nd stn supposed to be firemovement, but i fk it. saw greg, he wasnt even fully dressed. est <30 m away so i juz chiong in. lol. in the end i think i passed, so alls well. lol.

after that was mg team and enemy. just slack, fire blanks, sleep, slack, sleep. night time sucked, cos it rained. if not, is just slack sleep. we didnt stand to. we were the cheebye kias. but nvm, the instructors all too slack to come kachiao us already. so we enjoyed ourselves.

thursday got unexpected nightsout cos dinner wasnt indented. so went to slackaround in jp with aar. was fun. ate banmian. friday was slack. arms also anyhow clean. just sit around talk cock only. lessons were all a complete waste of time. went to chevrons. drank a few glasses of beer. got a bit wuzzy, went home.

fuck, urban ops tomorrow. but friday i pop! yays. i will definitely ooc wherever i go. enough of all this outfield nonsense.

hit the deck

feeling woozy now. 3 tiger beers after lacking proper sleep in the less than dense plantatns of tekong for a week. cranky. got into law and econs at nus. everyone got in. baah. tomorrow i shall blog.

foosball with chia

well, life in school has been enjoyable. students having exams, teachers eating durian in the staff lounge. i needed fresh air, so i escaped to this room and started typing this post.

now, the centre of my work life has shifted from teaching and marking to playing foosball. well, i suck. even lost to girl.. LOL. but i enjoyed watching others play. esp match between denny and chia. mr chia, the fierce discipline master, is surprisingly good at foosball, which shocked me considering how old he is and how serious he usually he looks. haha. but he s strong and skillful. when he strikes a shot, the whole table moves. sometimes, im really scared that he may get a heart attack when striking a goal. hope it never happens.

haha. someone who we used to be scared of can turn to be someone that u can joke with and play a game together. still remembered the days that i used to smuggle food back to class, trying to avoid chia in the corridor; the time we sneaked out to eat in canteen during lesson time, afraid of getting caught by chia and getting detention. LOL. now, we sit together in the canteen and eat at any time we'd like. we have pleasant conversation while eating ice cream outside canteen. small things like these now make me happy.

it is always good to get out of the circle where all ppl talk abt is army, scholarship, uni and not getting a girl friend. i love my new life though i miss the old days.

please don't leave me.

P.S. good luck to all my students who are having exams. :)

Ominous

queen's college oxford 2011
then i drown in 15cm of water.

will remember.

when i'm not around

life in sispec isnt soo bad actually.

you dont get turned out like everyday's sunday like what happens in ocs. you dont get rcp as easily.

you dont have to run after a tank like the armored infantry troopers.

you dont have to do a 4km mopp 4 run like cbrd or isit cbre.

probably only the the pes c/e and ooc dudes are living it up better. sispec is generally slack.and to some extent quite fun.

but i hate staying outfield.
and i dont want to navigate around tekong and get lost.

i dont want to be the flying dutchman of tekong.

and i dont want to get heat rash and a fungal dick.

please help me, God.

sometimes tomorrow never comes

classouting yesterday capped off a fantastic week of bookouts and a letter of offer from ies. altogether jordan hongjiang zhenan aaron leonard wq xj and andrea. being polychronic, many were late. we played pool but got bored soon. talked cock. went night safari. night safari was fun. lol. stupid animals. i liked the bats and i like the tiger and the leopard. the lions just looked gay. and the hyenas and foxes were in depp sleepe. had fun, found out more about people und stuffs, found out about their uni stati, found out about what they is doin now. looks like they is all going for smu. the girls. they should go nus. nus is how estab. and jordy is going to smu for bizacc. i think a real man like him should go to nus. smu is beneath him. aiyah but anyhows he probably considered all the mitigating fattors to arrive at the decision. and i wish them all the best in their endeavors. i learnt more also about andy. actually her life quite tough now with all that shit. but heys studyin in singapore is fantastic too.

i miss rj. those were good days. army just sucks too much cock.

hope our class can mete up regulalry to braek the monotony of my army life. sickening shit. hahas. but probably wont once everybody gets back busy with their lives, with the 2 harbinese in uk, the singaporeans elseplace and more.

im applyin to oxfordppe. btter not get fked this time.

IES

do i sign away 6 years of my life?

goodbye my dreams

fucked up. knew i was done in, when he asked, so u in ocs? hmm. deathknell. so u didnt play sports at all? why didnt u play sport? hmm.

die already la. i knew the spectre of pussiness surrounding sispec and me will come back and haunt me sooner or later. it came today.

ntu accountancy and economics for me!

look at the stars

please do not let 280409 be like 031208.

give me a chance to live.

just like a star

i have been thinking of an english name for myself although i did not know why on earth i needed one. some have suggested that i need one because the brits will not be able to pronounce my name properly. after a few days, i may become "chinan", which is a good name since my name will be a reflection of my nationality.

thinking of the name was really a tough process. i remembered my first english name given by my english teacher in china was david. she told me the name is to give some handsome gentleman. so i was glad to be david for like a year or so.

then i changed to another class. the new english teacher apparently thought that david is too handsome a name for me. so i became oliver. i can't really remember the reason she gave when she changed my name. but i suspect now that she juz finish reading oliver twist and felt the urge to name someone oliver.

well, after i came to singapore. i thought of changing my name again since neither david nor oliver is a name that i was fond of. and at that time, i was just simply devoted to my beloved school, VS. so i was sure that i needed a name that starts with V. therefore, i became vincent for like, what, a month? before i knew a better school called RI. LOL..

anyway, this time, i am serious. i have been thinking for a long time. but still have not decided which one to pick. i always want a name that sounds good, looks good and actually fits me. but the more i search, the more i realise how little i know about myself. i think zhenan is the only adj i knew to describe myself.

fuck it.

throw me in a fire and let me burn

the setting sun, me in front of the comp, doing nothing productive... i am back to my schooldays.

i feel sad. that i have left it all behind me.




don't it always seem to go,
that you don't know what you've got till its gone...

...you paved paradise and put up a parking lot.




FUCK NS FUCKK SAF!
i will never forgive mindef for taking away 2 fucking years of my life to defend a country i hardly find agreable. the pixellated green shit i wear everyday makes me nauseous. everytime i see the coat of arms i have the urge to point it my little middle finger.

if i ever fuck, and i get a fruit, i will make sure he wont fucking get a red passport and be subject to the same bondage as me.

dhakali

lets have no false pretence
i got fucked today.

went to tanglin this morning.
5 girls, 1 guy. i was the
only guy. and also
the only psc commintview
reject.

first activity of the day was
simple.
editing sentences for
grammatical/punctuation errors
and the like.
like satwriting without options

after that it was a day of hardrape
did a country brief which was a complete joke
dhakali my dick. talked cock, didnt know what i was writing
it was somewhat like nigeria and uganda rolled into one,
and with oil.

just did cock.

interview wif an angmoh. talked about
my life experiences and the like.
wasnt too good, i suppose, but probably a more
decent part of my day.

lunch was poor. after attending firefly, mfa lunch was fk.
cheebye sispec standard. friedrice with egg. lol. but nothing to
complain about. just ate my food and tried to socialize.

after that was team activity where we thrashed out whether we should
work with dhakali. being the only thorn, and being the thorn i was the only one who said we should go in to rape the market. the others were cautious and all that shit, but i think i pushed my case quite well. hehe. some of them just didnt have any idea of what they were talking.

then afterwards was my bomb of the day. supposed to arrange schedule for a delegation. like sudoku with a timetable. cheebye. i got raped. anyhow do, in the end couldnt fit one common timeslot. so i fucked it.

then afterwards was pure rape. negotiation on delegation cost. just talked cock.

hope the assessor liked me.
but fuck man, mfa is no hope already.

i want to book out more. so please let me survive.

interdit

i cannot read french at all. searching universities is a joke when u cannot even read the language. i only know one or two words of ten, and most of the time these words are like, un, et, le, la, les...

hoho. tomorrows going to be grandslam. mfa ac. wow.

hopefully i dont die. i really need to land myself a scholarship so i can go overseas to study and return to a good job. so i can sleep well at night. knowing that i wont be left in a dark and sorry hole to languish the rest of my sad short existence away.

i just feel depressed. i dont know why. i shall go play with my stuff toys.

for whom the bells toll

(sumatran squall blows violently. G3 harbors in a field of tall lallang and huge crickets cowboy style.)
73: *ssshhh..shhhsshhh*
73: hullo 70 this is 73. it is raining. what do we do, over.
70: 73 this is 70, build bashas, over.
73: 73 we have no basha poles, over.
70: 70 *crackle pop pop crackle* (basically go screw yourselves)wear your goretex. do not comms back, out.
(the squall blows quite hard and twigs start snapping. water pools on the groundsheets. everyone is soaked, most are awake, some are shivering. the rain soaks through my pants, my socks absorb the rain and transfers the rain down into my boots.)
73: hullo 70 this is 73. Permission to seek shelter in training shed, over.
70: negative, out. *zzz..zz*

SITREP
Delta Mike Very Very Low Whiskey Everywhere

its quite hard to see sispec go far if the laochiaus just tell u to sleep in the squall while they enjoy the whole shed to themselves. morale is low in sispec, and its not like we dont know why.

the saf is not weatherproof. we are pussy soldiers. in the meantime everyone huddles under the groundsheets. the rifles are left unattended in the unrelenting rain.

(i know mine was. the next morning it was in a muddy pool and when i picked it up water flowed out of the barrel and the magazine.)

lambs led by skunks dont go anywhere.

let there be light

my laptop is overheated. think i have been using it for way too long. well, my life is still in a state of meaningless. the only reason i wake up every morining is to wait for the night to come and go back to sleep again. in between the time, i juz take a little time watching american idol, desperate housewife, gossip girls, and some other taiwan drama (which btw follow the exact same pattern). of course, i left myself with some time to be grateful that i do not need to spend my day in a lecture theatre learning abt shooting missiles and night sleeping in a rainy jungle. but still, i think my life is kinda in a mess.

im gonna leave singapore soon. i've alr booked my air ticket to go back on 31 may. well, 1 june to be exact. i shall not start pouring my emotions here since i will dedicate one post for the years in singapore before i leave. for the ppl i met and the memories i left. well, it is complicated. on one side, im extremely thrilled about going to an entire foreign land to start my life all over again; on the other hand, i cherish every single moment i spent here in the past 4 and half years. and i know, the moment i step on the flight on 1 jun is a full stop for my journey here in singapore. and when the next episode resumes here, i would never know.

to be continued..

so i cried imaginary tears

die already. selling ladies surf wear to high end boutiques. office 2007. wow. unfamiliar with either. 20 mins. freekill. went in to get hardraped. 'u hav well covered the general business consideratns. wadabt the softer side?'

i foamed. wtf is the softer side man, i still dunno. shitz.

hopefully they let me through to the next round. pleese dun let me die so prematurely. i still want to bookout.

anyways, i need some recommendations on pro french unis and grandes ecoles. fucks. looks like im going to need to go to france to stand a chance at either firefly or foreign svc. lol, if not come monday i will just walk in n declare Sorbonne IV. dunno what it is, but its the first on some list.

alors,
aidez-moi, merci beaucoup!

OutOfCamp

wahh siaoz... fieldcamp is fucking siong.
i stay there only for 1 day and i already kena heat rash all over, abrasion from my knee guards and a bad headache from wearing the stupid helmet for a whole day.

the harbor area sucks, luckily i got to go back to pasir laba to sleep. the only time im happy i get to go back to bunk to sleep. lol. wah the feeling when i washed off my camo was just SHIOK. and when i changed out of that disgusting no. 4 shit. was so free i washed my helmet and febreezed my lbv. had fun wanking around the room before booking out this morning at 8. sleep was fantastic, except at 5 the fire alarm went off. but it rained in the morning and it was nice and cozy in my coccoon i made with my blanket. i wonder how those outfieldcowboys are surviving. lol. the rain must have killed them.

4D3N camp has become 3D1N for me. nothing to complain about. except my knee complaint which has become worse with the running on uneven ground, crossing of drainage and leopard crawling. fuck. quite painful when i stretch it out. maybe i should be fallout boy.

i make a lousy soldier. a very lousy infanteer. is there even sucha word? i know i saw it in sispec, but u know in the saf words like tacticalization, fractricide and operationallyreadied exist. anyways, i hate outfield, i feel like dying after 1 hour in the jungle, i get headaches and neckpain from wearing my helmet, i get abrasions and heat rash from my lbv and i also get scrapes cos of the guards. crappy man. i dont know whats happening during lessons outfield, all i do is adjust my helmet and lbv and countdown the time to lunch and the end of outfield.

in other news, i think i got bitten by an aedes mosquito. i saw it stick its proboscis down my arm, but it wasnt painful so i didnt flick it away, until i realized it had zebra legs. by the time i got to flicking it away it had already sucked for 5sec? hmm. hope it doesnt carry dengue. cheebye.

interview/presentation later. given a life licence, better not fuck it up. in the meantime i shall do some reading to jolt my brain...

I is for Injury

D is for Don
O is for OOC
N is for November

T is for Tan
A is for Apple
N is for Noww

R is for RMJ
O is for Oreo
C is for ChaoKeng
K is for Kiwi
S is for Sispec

E is for Everything

down by the longkang,
i took a little walk.
banged into some neighbors,
had a little talk.

slaughterhouse

nuslaw is too tough.

foamed at the interview yesterday. after 1 night with minimal sleep as cos on a foamy safari bed in a fkin cold office with one encik breaking in at 1am, i reached home at 9, had to look for photos, and write the essay and then travel down to the bt timah campus.

interview questions were tough. asked me about econs and how it relates to law. asked me about social justice, asked me about econs and asean?! cos i says i read about asean recently. did not look good cos i was shagged out i spoke extremely pussily and all the octs were wearing their penguin suits. cheebye.

today was tough too. it was like rj all over again. see all the same people, classmates, ogmates and all. walau eh. a lot of pros u never expect to apply because they got places in like dartmouth and whatnot. all the best of the arts stream were there.sian. i wrote nonsense for the 2 questions, didnt really know how to craft a brilliant piece.

looks like im going to have to take up the ntu offer of bizacc. then take actuarial science or sth.

anyways fieldcamp tomorrow. it will suck. heat rash and all the mud. and camou is so welcoming.soo welcoming. only problem is that i hurt my knee from gypsy ii and im on status so i rmj exll. hahas. so how? i also dunno. anyways firefly on tues. can bookout. rocks.

robin

todays fireflyround2 was a joke. did damn poorly. die already lar. anyways i had fun booking out. 21 ppl in 3 grps. jassie was there. almost all from rj. my grp got 3 i alr knew beforehand. 1 guy 2 girls. heh. my presentatn was foamy, and the group really played the games damn pussily.

psc dun wan me. sgs foreign svc. cannot defer. but cannot think so far. thats if they even want me in the first place. life is seriously damn foamy.

my life isnt riddled with problems. my life is the problem. im seriously screwing up damn badly, going down all the wrong alleys and getting myself screwed.

later still have to book in for 3 SOCs in 3 days. and then fieldcamp. wtf.

never has so much been owed by so many to so few

600

met zhegay aar like miao n robing yest. reminisced the happier 6Times. that i took forgranted and did notappreciate.

i
regret.

those orang cina enjoyin life. dunneed to go camping in the middle of nowhere, go on 1k morning runs, carry fieldpacks and matadors on missions that dont make sense, clean carbon and all that shit. while the orangbumi go through all this nonsense to 'protect' them.

i dream of life.

i dream of living.

firefly 2nd round.
3SOCs in 1 week. and then fieldcamp.

i dont know how i am going to survive.
bye world.

introspection

i rarely talk about other people on this blog cos i do not want to hurt their feelings or bear the consequences of any illchosen words. and i find thinking about myself quite so very interesting. sispec life sounds quite good compared to ocs life, but no one can deny that sispec pussies earn around 200 less every month and wont get the respect that the ocs men do.

the root of HELLO is HELL

holding her hands, i looked into her eyes and asked her to, be my future wife

today is good friday. any friday i am not in camp is a good friday.

long weekend. quite shiok. luckily never suay suay kena RT. luckily i never fail any sil test. hahas. quite amazed at how i raped my section at navigation even though i did not even go for the navigation lesson and i hardly touched my navigation book cos i lived the sispec motto- with pride we lead, got food we eat, got time we sleep.

theory still ok, cos we learnt all that nonsense in sec 1 geography. map reading, azimuth and all that crap. but practical really made me foam. i cannot navigate at night at all. i am a wuss. the dark scares me a little. especially when in the day i have walked the path downwards at an incline of 60deg to the horizontal and there are barks, mud cakes and mangled barbed wires along the path. and you cannot use torchlights and in the jungle moonlight doesnt shine through well. i guess im fucked for exgrandslam.

i am unimpressed by the weapons systems. yupp, huge firepower, but by the time the infantry section reaches their objective they will be completely shagged out. the one shot matador is like 8or 9 kg? and the m203 with a heavy head is hard to aim. anyways its an army of 3G tech and 1G soldiers. even the demonstrators missed lor. cheebye. but a man like me hit. anyways if i become a sect comm, i will horlan all the way. my platoon probably wont see any action if i become point sectn cos we will end up someplace else. lol. anyways, the stupid lbv will fuck u up alr. they make the uniform so breathable for fuck? the lbv completely covers your torso and in the tropical heat will kill ur morale and ur person. ud be sweating like a fish. stupid saf. they say what make it breathable. cheebye u put all the pouches on breathable my dick.

okaez going out n then going to prepare for my day of fun come tuesday! jtc bldg.

i overcome adversity with my life

after meeting up with andyboy and zhegay, having dinner with them at waraku, i took the train and was supposed to meet my parents at clementi. they werent there so i wandered clementi central all by myself.

clementi central really has been a very important relic of my past. i lived in clementi throughout my formative years. or at least i spent most of my waking hours there. i studied in pcf kindergarten, studied in nan hua, and even after going to ri i stayed in clementi up to sec 2. until then i either took the mrt, or if too lazy i took 156 with daniel cheng. i remember during the years i was there, i studied music at yamaha, and flunked like a gay. my results were so bad my name did not even appear on the nominal role. i still remember the last piece i ever played before i snapped my electone. so-ti-re-re-mi-re-mi-re-ti-so-la-so-fa-mi-fa-la-so. i walked around what was then emporium, went to the old kfc when it still served on plates. and big bookshop. i went there to get almost everything. i remember when i put together some coins to buy 3 sticks of superclay. they were 60c a stick.i remember trying out pens before psle, then again before o levels. yea. i took 1 paper. i got reference materials, textbooks and all.

sometimes i wonder how my life would be different. if i had gotten into gep at p3, and if i hadnt surfed erotica the 2nd day i got my internet. if i had worked harder, been a nicer person and all. i keep dwelling in the past, too little in the present. the past is not a mirror of the future, but i always look into it. forguidance, but to the extent that i assume dangerously them to be the same.

i know the past cannot be changed, but the many trajectories of life that could have come out of it always amuses me that i grant some thought. many a time, things do not go the way i hope them to. i shall be completely honest, i really want to become an officer. and from past experience, 8As+ippt pass= ocs. unless ur a complete faggot. but woe be me, now its like ippt silver. and i only just achieved it wednesday past. even then, there is no guarantee i will get to don the kitkat bar. MAS, and the way i squandered the good life away 3rd dec last year, still makes me sore. im a wounded, broken man. wait. a wounded, broken, sispec pussy.

some put life to Fate. but i dont believe in Fate a lot. Fate is a disincentive to work hard. if everything is already written in the Book of Life and Death then is the propensity to work hard also written in? is our every action already determined? so if we kill someone, its predetermined? i dont know. and i dont think i will.

and what actually makes life a good one? living in the lap of luxury, having family and friends, or just a highspeed connection to surf porn? is leading an unblemished life possible, or even desirable? what is it about having the depth apart from the length of life? there is really so much i want to know, so much i dont know, and so many things that i cannot control. and things change very fast. 3200mils in a split second.

life gets quite tough when you try venturing into the great beyond.

a broken man

let's see what i had been rejected by/for/from:

MAS
Warwick
LSE Econs
OCS

today i opened my mail and i checked my unis.

well,

LSE philoecons rejected me.
so did columbia and stanford.

fuck.
fuck.
fuck.

so im going to tell the scholarship boards i only got offers from UCL and Durham?

no please, even NUS hasnt gotten back to me on Law yet.

soon i will get raped by ie singapore. shouldnt have slacked so much that now im fucked.

and i know,
yes i do, that psc is no hope.

i am so screwed.

it feels so good when u bookout of pasir laba in civi

this is going to make or break my life. and now, the odds are stacked against me. got rejected by command school (sispec is nonsense), got rejected by warwick, durham and MAS. fk. nehneh.

i really want it with my dear life.

so please

help me God.

the most miserable human being alive

thats me. life takes me by the balls. especially the SAFOS 2009 invite. fuck. and tomorrow i will have to explain why i am in sispec. fuck.

or

looking at the safos2009 invite in fb just makes me foam.
the 3 field camps in the next 7 weeks makes me foam.
thinking of soc just makes me foam
thinking of ippt also makes me foam
fuck

im a real foamer.

im just thankful that there are so many nice people.

pussy knot (or Golf)

the past week has been a rollercoaster for me. i felt like fuck as i stepped through the pasir laba gates to join other freshfucks, dragging along our huge cheebye duffels and carrying our fieldpacks on our backs. it only got better when i found that ANDY was not just in my coy, but in my platoon as well. lol. lotsa rj guys i already knew, in my pltn. lijian, bengoh, prasatt, just to name a few. haha. marched over to coy line, the snr scts were nice, and my bunk was filled with nice people. of course, a fair share of idiots like the lps. stupid, from mjc, do things slow think slow, everything dont know. nehneh. lsm wasnt much better, talked too much cock. confirmed that poly was for ok, nvm.

tuesday was a foamy day. learned about the section organic weapons. made me foam because after 3 mths away from the books my mind wasnt as absorbent. and i learnt that there was something more nonsensical than chemistry. who the fuck gives a fuck about the backblast being 16m? and who can remember how to strip so many rifles, use so many commz eqpmt in such a short time? but whatever, the test went on and we had to do the test like pussies. and then we always kena sleep late. chaocheebye. 2245 lights off 0515 reveille. not enuf sleep, not enuf admin time. damn tulan. nehneh. morning summore got 3k run, fucking foamy.

2 ite girls in my platoon. from pegasus. they are real foamers so probably signing on as spec is graet for them. they is in aarons platoon. anyways i dont think girls should be allowde to sign on. its just dumb. they have so low fitness standards. fuck if i had a pussy all i needed was 13 IPUs for A. wtf lor. run so slow also A. ccb. fk. then summore they dunnd to draw matador and m203. wadkinda nonsense lor. fuckers.

whatever. then kena rt and all that, sort of expected. stupid jump. fuck. baah. sispec is a real foamy place. some cmdrs srsly hav some issues. dunno how to think or talk. just makes u foam. without the rj guys who i talk to over mealtimes, i think i will just go bonkers.

ok im bonked out. tmr 2200 book in. lifes good.

Life in Technicolor II

it has been a depressing week.
i shall really refrain myself from swearing and loathing the things around me.
but well, what a blog is for?
i have the right to shout out!
FUCK LIFE!

things are not alright

in less than 24h i will be in pasir labia.
please. please. please. dont make me foam too hard.
please can i have some funny and cool dudes like aar n rj in my sectn? and please can i have a reasonable platoon? and can i please dont get confined?

so i may pass out. and then pay compliments to shida.

with pride we lead, got time we sleep

sispec for me. i won't deny my disappointment. when i first caught wind of the news a tumor formed in my throat. it was not unexpected, really. i expected it. and i expected myself to be disappointed. throughout the week my eyes took turns to twitch. i didnt really perform well in bmt either. wasnt very enthusiastic about anything, and i kept too low a profile. i guess they expected rj standard, but in my quest to bury my heritage i buried myself as well.

like shayi said, we just have to make the best out of it. after all, there are many rj pussies like ourselves. among the authors of this blog, only yigay made ocs. and i am proud to have such a friend. rj, aar and me r sispec pussies. so are a few other known scholars. lol.

if i had applied to MAS only this year, i think i would have told them that this is the greatest setback i have faced. i have been beaten by lesser students from less schools and people who have nary a quarter my As. i accept that i am physically unfit, though.

on the bright side, sispec is relatively slacker than ocs. many have told me that bookouts are on friday. i dont have to be confined for 1 month. the people are less motivated, so i wont stick out like a sorethumb in a bad way. in the long run, i have fewer icts to screw my life up.

i am disappointed, and i probably have disappointed many around me. but Providence has smiled on me. in complete honesty, i would rather have gotten that A for econs and go to sispec than get a B for it and go to ocs. i would rather have the ill-gottend A for chem than ocs. even if this 2 years are going to be hellish, i have enjoyed the past six. and i hope i can remain positive. sispec wont be so bad, especially with the throngs that i have come to know who would be pussying around pasir laba with me. of course, i would rather be a supp supervisor like stho, but fk, im combat fit. after ocs, sispec is the next best. i am thankful i didnt become an arm inf tpr or a c-soldier or a sea soldier ldr like some of my pltmates.

i hope to do my best. and i hope the schship boards wouldnt just write me off. but even if they do, i cannot fault them. i will just go to my favorite,

nus.

bah bah black sheep have you any wool?

the main problem is that i dont give a fuck about anything until it becomes serious. i dont have goals. i just do stuff spontaneously. and sometimes i dont know why i do some stuffs. but i have to live with the consequences. if i actually had concrete goals and i had actually worked on them, i probably wouldnt have ended up in ptp and now i wouldnt be regretting that i didnt spend bmt as best as i could have. if my life actually had any focus i wouldnt have records that make me look like a schizo cock. i enjoyt my aimless life but i have nothing much to show for it. just a lump of fuckshit to show for nothing.

i contribute by providing new perspectives. again i cannot really demonstrate it. i have unconventional ideas, according to juanhe who had happily reflected it on my ri testimonial. unconventional. ideas. ive had many. many small and insignificant ones.

maybe its cos i enjoy philosophy and economics. hahas. the many different perspectives, the many different ways to work with perception and interpretation and the ways one can influence another through a series of actions. that probably is about all that i have to say.

teamwork. i know i am a team player, because i am nothing without my team. i keep slacking so without my team to prop me up i probably will mash into the ground like some spineless goo. fucking hell.

in 300 words my inconsqeuntial low level experiences probably will make my essay look like fuck. and what makes it worse is that there are more than 400 people in rj who have got 90 ranking points. fucking ar. looks like i hav to be content with pussying around in a local uni and pussying around in a pussy job.

a pussy future welcomes me. just as my pussy past bids farewell.

anyways zhenan should blog more. waste less time with his kids. if they want to learn, all is well and good- teach them well. if they dont want to learn, its their pasal. after all, u need some people to fill up the bottom of the bell curve and lazy people should be more than welcome to take up the spots. 50-60% of them probably have their ability well-reflected by their psle score. dont need to prepare them for competitions. ri always wins. and even if ri doesnt win, it must be with immense providence tt vs can get anywhere close. as his student said, he is only a relieffe. he should learn from the saf mentality- serve and fuckoff.

firefly

its all of 300 words, but it really is the bomb tough. just to come up with the relevant points is already hard. this can be attributed to the fact that my goals in life are mainly hedonistic and definitely incompatible with that of a scholarship board. i have gone through their websites and meditated upon what they wrote, but it is abit tough to harmonize anything about me with anything about them, and anything about the 3 of them at the same time.

smu essay is real fucked, dont really understand the question. i dont see why a pussy uni like smu wants to act all haughty about things. new pedagogy my dick.

Reason, the Devil's harlot

still agonizing. after the spell wore off im back to brooding about my future. should i apply Medicine or Law & Econs? i know i will enjoy law n econs at least throughout my studies. but corporate law has been getting quite tough and stressful especially with all these ponzi schemes. and then i know many lawyers are getting hardraped with long hours late nights and no life. life will be like shit. or can be expected to be like shit at least for the first few years.

i think i will be fine with medicine. if i take medicine i will want to be a plastic surgeon or gyne. then i will enjoy my job. just that in the first place i dont think nusmed will want me. 260 students everyone very brilliant with great aptitude. nothing distinguishes me. theres no reason they should want me. i have not done any attachment and am not a pedigree. on top of it i hate science in general and chem in particular. having to go through this nonsense in year one really puts me off.

i know it impacts my career and my future lots. im stressed.

NUS NTU OPENHAUS

i am intoxicated:

for
today at ntunbs




i saw the most beautiful girl in the world.




all the rest, is background music.

samuel 'tho' maxwell

i'm sitting in the class room 4I

well, here i am. sitting in the classroom 4I. gave my students free period and i myself started blogging. life is boring. still got to go NYP for competition later.

life looks bleak. nothing good s happening. maybe juz having lunch or recess with 1F is something fun every day.

went out with aaron yesterday. actually we took a cab to woodland and then cab back. haha. spend 40 bucks juz to go singapore sports school to submit a form. but the trip was fun. talk cock..

then we went parkway for lunch at 3 in the afternoon. then don joined us at parkway cause the pussy cannot find the way to the BBQ pit that his platoon is supposed to meet. so we had a road march along ECP from PP to VJ. it was nice to meet old friends. and it is nice to finally talk to someone my age, who won't hide my stuff and talk abt sex everytime. haha. well good for a change.

after sending don for his bbq, aaron and i went to the hawker center for seafood. lie on the beach and stare at the red color moon and stars. it was nice. talk cock.

life was great last night.

but not now. esp when i realize that i still have to mark 40 MCQ papers. sianz!!!!

act blur live longer

bbq was nonsense. left early cos they were whistling at girls and gambling (blackjack) openly. scared police come sias. anyway there wasnt enough food to go around and the zealous cooks keep fanning the flame so that the outside is charred and the inside is uncooked.

today is 4p lunch. which is the bombe. going to meet 3IPS awardees, billions of perfect scorers (like your truly! =)) 6 or 7 scholarship awardees and more.

hahahahs.

nus.

RO (Routine/ Regimental Orders)

** It is a chargeable offence not to read the RO for the day **

CDO/CDI/COS (I don't give a fuck)

0930 Reveille
1000 Breakfast/ Read Newspaper
1030 Porn 1
1230 Lunch (Outrationed from the kitchen)
1300 Porn 2
1530 Troop Lift (Public Transport) to ECP
1630 Barbecue
.
.
2359 Lights Off

Shall talk about BMT in another post.

Just love porn lots.

When I was young

When I was young,
I do not need to think about tomorrow, it just comes,
comes after today
without any sorrow;


When i was young,
I never meet sadness, it just avoids me,
hiding behind the blue
clear sky;


When I was young,
i do not know Hess’ Law, mass defect and Nash Equilibrium
when Tom and Jerry is in air,
one plus one can equal to three for what I care;


When I was young,
I have a lot of friends,
they are just always around me,
leaving me never alone;


When I was young,
I cry when I have a haircut,
my hair is just too precious to me,
losing the company just makes me sad;


When I was young,
I like to tell stories in front of adults,
it is simply exciting to tell grownups what will happen next
for the first time;


When I was young,
I hope I can become a scientist,
it was so true a dream that all my neighbours knows
that I am going to be a scientist next time;


When I was young,
I do not like to play any ball games,
I was simply afraid that my cloth would get dirty
if I fell;


When I was young,
I like to listen to my mother’s fairy tales,
I will never go to bed at night
Without one;


When I was young,
I do not have computer, internet or blog,
life just seems so simple,
yet eclectic;


When I was young,
I never think
what happened
when I was young.

(as a memoir for my lost childhood and student life. when i was young....)

zhenan

foamer

sianz, have to book in later.

lookingforward to 1 whole day at tekong parade square. marching in the damn hot sun, then getting drenched by a serious torrential downpour before getting sunbaked again and then getting drenched. also walking around in a swimming pool thats my boots.

and then 1 solid day of ultra-area cleaning. ccb. i dont see why the saf cannot afford to contract some cleaners to do this job. soldiering is not about cleaning man. after that, POP loh!

looking forward to my break. i really hope i get a good posting. but with my pussy fitness level, ippt pass and soc fail, together with my less than outstanding performance, i really need my 8As (Read: GP-A, PW-A, HCL-A, P-A, C-A, M-A, E-A, GT-D) and my rafflesian pedigree to pull me by my dick into command school. arghhhhh.

i wish i may.

chemistry can suck my cock

rejected by warwick

that makes me a

FUCKING REJECT

TWICE OVER

FUCKING FUCKING REJECT!

a fuckshit.

we shall not be moved

the thing is, life goes on. whether you get straightAs or straightBs for the A levels, life goes on. the next day the heady feeling disappears and you probably will be back to milling about as you have done before. criticizing stupid people, insulting each other, surfing porn...A levels is the past already.

anyways ive decided to apply to medicine just for the fun of it. (medicine is really not my thing. chemistry can just fuck off. i point my middle finger at all chemistry textbooks.) i probably can help cut out some people. hahas. anyways before i forget christy says he will treat anyone from 4p for free. and i shall assume that so will stho. hahas. i know 4p did well. so did niu. she was at the hall for some reason. with tay.

supposed to do my commandersappraisal and bmtreflections but my inertia is stopping me. better get it done. dont want to get confined with ronald. haha.

after 12 or is it already 13 weeks on tekong, i already think studying overseas might not be for me. i dont like to live alone and have a complete change of a set of friends. i dont like the world to change so much, so fast and so radically around me. i like progressive changes. like from RI to RJ the transition was smooth cos i get to see the 2j4p guys. i like familiarity.

and, without my family, my existence would be as in rousseau's state of nature- sad, solitary and brutish.

on top of that i am lazy. i dont want to make my bed, do my laundry, settle my 3 meals by myself. i am a helpless dick. a lazy fuckshit.

the only thing stopping me is the mileage that i would get from crossing the pacific or the indian ocean.i dont want to regret for life when everyone earns 6 or 7 figures and i earn 5 figures. that sucks cock. but thats for when i have time to worry.

for now,

i can't wait for pop. so can't the fishes around tekong.

post before midnight

well. i continued my legacy of starting all transcript with a C. but whatever, i dun give a shit. it is over. my life starts now.

AAAAABC Merit

after all, im not a perfectionist. so dun call me one.

D for h3 or A for gp?

after sec 4
i went back to ri to collect a D for chinese

after j2
i went back to rj to collect a D for math
and a B that screams
Blatantly Bad
Bullshit
and Bottom half of the school