box

christmas was a nonevent, same as the last. except that sitting in my wallet is my beloved pink ic.

as the year draws to a close i count my lucky stars and thank providence. i ord-ed without much trouble. my surgery seems to have gone fine and i enjoyed my mc really hard. and when i returned i got a benevolent boss who did not bother me with much work. i got lucky with the mo, got excused outfield, and then excused sunlight. i am still on that status, until friday 31st. i spent much of the time outside camp. i booked out for physios, took full day offs when i went for medical appointments, and booked out early for my french lessons. and my french lessons were on busy nights. sweet coincidence. whenever i was in camp i was playing pool or puzzlefighter or reading or using the gym. because everyones outfield, a place i cannot go. and in the end i took 6 weeks of off and leave to study for my exams. and then my benevolent boss gave me 2 very goods on my cos. and i cannot ask for more. because the only thing outstanding about me was that i was hardly ever in camp.

i passed my dalf c1 and my delf b2. i received my lowest and highest absolute scores respectively. 63,5 75,5. they are embarrassing, but i take pride that i passed on the first attempt and i owned my french classmates who started out way way ahead of me. i remember they were using all the big words and acting pro the first few lessons i felt like a complete noob like i was going to have to pay back the monies to the ministry and call it a day. and the teacher was picking on me because i was the only guy and we know how frenchmen chase women muchly. anyways the fact that they were from fass and doing some trashy eurostudies thingy does not discount my achievement. lol. now i will be working harder on my french. need to get started on listening to the radio again. 11/25 for my listening was a real joke. but everyone agreed that it was too tough. disappointing.

2 weeks of post ord post delfdalf life have passed, and ive been spending the time wandering the shopping malls of singapore and looking at plans at bca and visiting contractors and architects and their projects as my house is finally going to be rebuilt and im going to make sure it turns out right this time. 1 week from now i will be starting work at the middleeastern directorate. i hope to do well and leave a good impression on them. and not waste time doing rubbish and walking round the nearby shopping mall as i did in jc1 with ies. lol.

ok lifes sweet, for now. but i live on a sinusoidal curve, so i dont know whats going to happen next.

ord loh.

it's been a week since my ord. and everyday's been sunday. have completely lost track of time. but now no-french week is over, and i should be back to learning my french. or at least i should be listening to the silly broadcasts on rfi. with my very good conduct and performance in ns i am much closer to going to menton next year.

and my iphone. it is sucking the life out of me. i just cant get it to work and i dont know why i need to give my credit card info to register the phone to get my phone to sync with the itunes on my comp so i cant load shit onto it. i am dying.

i hope i passed my dalf c1, and i hope i can start work next january. or else this period of hunting for contractors or lazing around will drain me. completely. i already dont feel too well. drowning in guilt. everyones doing something, earning some money. i am doing nothing productive or excessively fun. i am just passing time. one sunday after another.

but at the same time there is an inertia that is preventing me from committing to anything. its painful.

it is december

tomorrow is the day.

bonne chance! LOL.

todays the last day of november

and tomorrows the first day of a december i will truly remember

but exams first, ord later, which is a satisfying order of things. that way i wont be celebrating freedom before i truly become so free i become mildly deranged.

two mornings from now my dalf will commence and my productionorale is still real poor. i am foaming.

Help me God

this thursday just come

since i am going to get screwed anyway i would rather get screwed now. no more waiting.
oh my god my oral is so fail and my listening is quite fail. good game already la.

what i have been thinking about when i should be studying for my exam on this thursday

whether to help your relative selamat to hide from the authorities isnt an issue that can be solved morally or ethically. or even religiously. according to the imam there is some koranic reference that forbids aiding the escape of a criminal. but the koran is a voluminous tome that is not always crystal clear, so there probably exists some passages that can be used to claim aid for this relative selamat. the fact that there are so many terrorists who all claim some reference from somewhere is testament to this fact. and what they say about the bible, another abrahamic religion, that the devil can quote passages for his own ends, also holds true for the koran. just as the hardliners like to read it their way, the imam is also reading it his way.

it is hard to not assist a relative. even if the relative might have done something that society at large considers reprehensible. it is hard when the responsibility to the greater good and the responsibility to the family comes into conflict. and just as one cannot be sure that selamat is right or wrong, one cannot be sure if what society does is right or wrong. to use a lame example, whites used to enslave the blacks, something that we have come to consider as inhumane. at the time of nazi germany, probably some thought that it was morally just and ethically sound to gas the jews. i am quite sure there were at least as many true nazi collaborators as there were resistance fighters.

and socrates was put to death by his people, for what was considered some sort of poisoning of the minds of the athenian youths. which does not seem to make much sense today. of course i wont draw parallels between socrates and him, but it is difficult for an individual, especially relatives or close associates, like plato for the former and the niece of the latter, to completely accept the rightness of the society. and society isnt always right too.

of course some will point to the fact that it is unacceptable that we tolerate in our society people who are intolerant of others, of people who are willing to kill others for the cause of their warped utopia. that is true too. but what if it is utilitarian that some must die so the others may live better? dont we always force this logic of sacrifice down the throats of our soldiers who have died on flanders fields, on the marne and elsewhere all over? that some morally reprehensible monsters must die?

an ethical answer is hard to arrive at. instead all that they should do to prevent others from harboring their relatives is to dole out draconic penalties. as long as the moral payoff of harboring a wanted relative is lower than the material payoff of not harboring the relative, the chance of a similar occurence will be diminished. i am quite sure that just as the imam and the other religious leaders have moral authority, these terrorists might also be effective ethicists so it becomes difficult. tough life.

life's like that

so why fk it?

my cos is still not done, im afraid of foaming at it.

and im foaminghard at french.

sweden

where the state is the mama so the mama can be the man.

vikings should not be peaceful.

they should eat some boiled sheep head and go to war. not sit around in dresses waiting for the time of the month.

18 months of maternity/paternity leave. just gay.

i foam too much

:( i dont feel well.

semblable

i treasure the past so much i dont know i want to continue moving on into the future. ns was so disgusting. and it still is. i feel the need to reacquaint myself with my school days in ri or rj. when life was imperfect but enjoyable and carefreer. i have a very small comfort zone, and it is shrinking oddly while travelling across the plane of situations of life. unlike most of my homologues, i feel no urge to explore the world. i just dont want life like i know it to end.

2 weeks to my dalf and 3 weeks to my ord

time is passing quickly and slowly at the same time.

i need to ord tomorrow and sit for the dalf in a years time.

anyway have invested much time and effort in the classouting for 27 dec. i hope it turns out well. :D

nostalgia

yesterday was my last day in camp before i ord. went back for ord ffi, which took me the whole morning and a bit of the afternoon because the doctor needed to clear the report sick cases and the medics had no courtesy to inform the ffi guys that our ffis will get pushed back until the last report sick case is seen. which is completely ridiculous but as soldiers we all accept this nonsense. i have never waited any longer for my medical appointment.

luckily the indian reservist doctor was really nice and friendly, so my day was not completely ruined. and i was very focused in chasing down signatures and i returned books to tds and stuff, so now all i am left with is the champions signature because he was hospitalized for asthma. really chaokeng regular. have never seen one more openly chaokeng than he.

anyhows, as i took the shuttlebus out alone, because stho went awol after dental ffi and the clerk was on duty and my whole team was stuck with outpro, i started thinking very seriously about life outside of the army. it is going to become a reality, very soon. in 21 days. o m g. it is coming it is coming. my ord is coming. LOL. i pray for the best for my cos, which is completely arbitrary in actual fact, and i hope that everything rolls along smoothly.

i will miss playin pool with the other members of iti. i will miss it a lot, because i played pool alot, but unfortunately i still suck at pool. i will miss all the talkcock sessions too, those long lunches, those discussions about timestop and fetishes. i will miss those times when i find sensible logical people. of course there are also shitty times.

so i dont really want to stay any longer. iti has added little value to my life, and i have not been contributing much or even at all since my surgery. which was 6 months ago. i am happy to leave. its time to move on with life.

i am so depressed

time has been passing ii have been studying but not enough i think im going to die.

tomorrow i am going back to camp for my ord ffi and i am going to tie up the loose ends and wish me luck i hope i get a very good cos. i really really hope for it.

have been living life like a hermit mugger at woodlands library but have not been very successful have been getting distracted by hot girls who feel cold they have to wear some parka from antarctica but for somereason always always wear short shorts. maybe their hotlegs just dont feel cold. too hot already.

oh no. ggxx

i am 20

for some reason, ord feels further away now than ever before, no thanks to all the celebration everywhere. facebook connects and transmits everything, every bit of partying, every status update. and of course all the snide remarks. haha i cant stand it for much longer omg. but i dont blame them, i will be equally euphoric and insensitive when the time comes. in about a month. but this is really going to be one long and painful month.

i feel like eating chocolate. of late i have been craving food, and recently i have been craving chocolate, even though i should have already had stuffed myself enough with all the asia treasures chocolates and the lava cake i had at aerins yesterday, which was surprisingly good. i rummaged about downstairs in the larder to get lucky. i found a gold packaging which looked really tasty and i opened it. it was a bar of soap. lol. and since the words were in japanese my maid assumed that it was food. that was quite amusing.

today was a fairly productive day in the library and i hope tomorrow will be too. allez!

nsf today, nsf tomorrow

so unfair. this is discrimination. i hate it.

so long more.

teenage dreams

ain't gonna be forever young. sometimes, we all have to live for the moment. i spent this weekend, the last of my teenage doing just that. i did not have any plan, and if i did i dropped them before even trying. i have not touched my french since the eve of deepavali. and i did no work, went no where to do anything specially. i had meals, i lazed around, i slept, i watched television, and i played mahjong titans. i felt the need to indulge in such hedonism of the moment, but after completing most of it i felt so sorry to myself for wasting all my time doing shit. i need to plan, even for leisure, so i dont feel like i am wasting time. i had this feeling. it sucks, really. and i feel really guilty, because now i have lost precious mugging time, and my chance of failing the exam has increased quite a bit. i am so screwed.

anyway, i am feeling unwell already. i think its the medicine. it is working, and the effects are showing. i have lesser lesions already, but at the same time my skin is all dry and scaly and i am really shedding skinflakes. and my lips are so dry even though i religiously wear lip balm. it is scary. i cannot even open my mouth fully without my lips tearing. and the skin around my mouth and at my joints are so cracked they are all red as tomatoes. i am so dehydrated, i feel like dying. i have a little headache now. maybe its cos i slacked too much in front of the computer. when i do too much of this i feel unwell.

i should stop and go arrange my stuff and draw out some plans.

au revoir tout le monde.

deepavali

this year deepavali did not fall on my birthday. but i enjoyed it anyway. had korean food for lunch, which was nice. i was too preoccupied with enjoying the moment and enjoying walking about town aimlessly so i forgot about all the bad things that made me depressed.

yay.

sometimes life should just be like that. i need more diversions.

with bated breath

i went back to camp today to share in the joy of those who ord today. since i had no work to do and the other cqms were not in camp, i joined the 4 lucky dudes in wearing civvies around the camp, also with a file containing the ord clearance form and some ffi documents. i also joined them at the chief clerk's, where they handed over their documents for which in return they received a whole lot of crap. and their nric. everyone was euphoric, and nobody cared to look at their cert of service or their testimonial.

it seemed like i was more interested to find out what was in their cert of service than they were. i felt like i needed to gauge the kind of performance and conduct i would be receiving. and i was as i still am praying hard that i see better than 2 goods. i really really am hoping for this. and looking back i honestly think i deserve better than 2 goods. anyway my boss has not done up my testimonial or my cert of service. im hoping that when he gets down to them they are good. and befitting of my contributions to iti. and i hope it reflects my contributions not just as a spareman now but also as cqms earlier on.

anyway the ord exercise today stirs up much emotion in me. maybe if i had played my cards better, i would have gotten a silver and i would be among them today. i would not have more than a month to my turn. i would be celebrating out there, not at home emo-ing alone. yes, i will be off all the way until i ord, but it just feels, different. but theres really no point crying over spilt milk. i guess at each individual stage of life we make decisions without perfect knowledge of the payoffs, and sometimes the decisions turnout wrong. sometimes we might overvalue the short term over the long term. it always happens. i thank my friends for helping me train on those weeknights. they eventually were futile, in that i got 2 more months anyhow, but they did help in that i was not a complete complete wuss at the point of enlistment. and between training and getting a silver for napfa and getting that a for chem, i still prefer the latter. of course, this is irrelevant, since no one will ever know whether training X amount more will help me get that silver and Y amount of effort will get me Z for chem. everyone just has to hope for the wisdom to make the right decision. and of course the luck.

i am quite happy still, for my friends that ord. yes, i will not be able to play pool with them in the mess or hang out with them over fruits at the cookhouse, but its alright, because in this period i will just be off, mugging productively (i hope). i will always treasure the good times together and the memories i had, whether they be good or bad. maybe we can meet up someday, but judging from past experience, forging sustainable friendships is not my strong suit. and those bonds in the army just arent that strong, maybe because most of the time all i want to do is go home so i just try to hurry through my work and hurry through the day and get my ass out of camp. i fail to appreciate those relationships much. and maybe, i just dont connect very well with them. we dont really have common experiences, and we relate to things and to each other very differently.

soon it will be my turn. but 35 days away. it is a short time, but it is also a long time. somehow, i feel more depressed about it now than when i had to enlist early. maybe its because i was more naive and thus more positive about army life then than now. and i was not as free then as i am now. everything happened so quickly. after the a levels, i studied for sat ii, i prepared for my fail mas interviews, i did my scholarship applications. i just had no time to think. sat ii was just a week before my enlistment. and in that one last week of freedom i was shagged out from preparing for ns to think about how shitty it is to enlist early. now i should not be free, i should be studying, but the last 2 years have worn my stamina for hard work down by a lot. that, and of course the degeneration of grey matter.

i hope that time passes quickly. i cannot wait for the day it is my turn with the ic. i cannot wait for the next breath i will draw as a free-er man.

and i hope i get at least 2 goods for my cos.

your arrow is trouble, trouble, trouble

woow. except that if the translation is correct the lyricist should just go kill himself/herself.

teresa teng rocks my world

when i feel sad for no reason i switch on the aircon and switch off the lights and put on a pirated cd of her. her songs own snsd's by like 10^1000. snsd has shitty songs but nice moves. her songs a really good songs and her voice owns. pulls at your heartstrings. hahaha. and i feel better already. screw iti.

november

i like november. but for this year it will not be my favorite month. december will be.

i hate how some mmi physio assts are attitude. maybe i will tell that lcp to knock it down. he needs to worship the ground sometimes to help him relax and be more sane. siao he just went on ranting about how there is a huge increase in the number of patients at mmi that he has to work longer hours. and then some random poor dude called the wrong number and he just shouted like he was mad into the phone. maybe he is stressed by something.

but definitely not by his work. how stressful can his work be man. i think my job is already relatively tolerable. but his is almost orgasmic. no uniform required, no real admin work. of course no insane accumulation of offs, but who needs that when he reports at 0830 and knocks off at 1700 sharp? on top of staying out he does not even have irregular hours. and he reports daily to a physio who is so nice la. cant stand his luck.

tomorrow i must pounce on french damn hard. or else the (1.)fass (2.) girls will whip me. then i will have to steal an entrenchment tool to dig a hole to bury my miserable head in. and if i fail the test i might have to revisit all those choice suicide methods that were thought up when i was about to fail the a levels.

procrastination

i have been putting things that i can and should do now for later. it is already a habit. it does not just screw my life up in the long run, it makes me sad too. i took 3 whole weeks from receipt of the email from vital to get together all my receipts and statements and get them all scanned over. that is really really long, considering that i was actually home for most of the period, and not really a real soldier like aaron mentioned.

today i was supposed to study french, but the whole morning i somehow could not pull myself together. i did nothing. except read the newspapers, which probably benefited me because i laughed at the comics, but only in the very short run. i started studying after lunch, but gave up about 1 hour ago after i forgot a few prepositions. i hate french grammar. i know i should be working harder at it, but i have been too much of a pussy to have any determination. i am not one to suffer hardship, and my ns life is the hallmark of this. i think i need to see a shrink to reorientate my mind. i am a human being, not a strawberry or whatever nonsense gen y is called in the cheena media.

i should be off the whole week, but i have a physio tomorrow and probably on thursday too. and on thursday i did not take off so that i can return to camp to celebrate the ord of my friends who were fitter than me according to the napfa test. i have the whole of tuesday and the whole of wednesday to study french. and i am going to study damn hard. i study better in the library. less distractions. so i will be going to the library to mug like a gay. like how i mugged in the few weeks before a levels. i was really on fire then, if my memory fails me not.

i will pass my french exams, i hope.

no more working days!

this is the meaning of life.

rien a foutre

today i just did not bother about whether all the information was in. i knocked off promptly and took the shuttle bus to freedom. haha. tomorrow is my last day in camp and i really cannot be bothered about the camp. i dont really care what people say, i dont really care what they want to do too. i am definitely not going to stay around to wait for things. i set a reasonable deadline, and if they did not observe it, it is their problem. i dont even care that there is a high chance of screwing up tomorrow. it bothers me no more. there is no more relationship to talk about. no more mutual backscratching. no more. no more. i am so happy.

tomorrow i will just settle the powerpoint and then settle the maps. and then i will walk off to my french lessons. i dont care, even if i leave behind a trail of destruction. someone else will clear it up, just like how i cleared up when i came around. of course i dont think there is much distruction, since i dont have much responsibility in the first place.

spoke to shayi today. i think i did more of the talking. but i enjoyed myself with the 1for1. and the staff was fairly polite and the food tasted nice. it was good value i guess, considering the ambience too.

ready to ord.

can everyone

please be cooperative tomorrow and sort out all the results by 1pm tomorrow?

help me God

thanks



and listen to the moaning

84*mid

today at physio i talked to a star.
i wonder what the star was doing
at physio.

its not like the star would ever chiongsua
may the star was training up for ippt
or doing somemarathon
and then the star got injured.

or maybe the star was there to inspect the place to look out for his own soldiers
in this case i salutes him.

on the preservation of dead dreams

i hope all of those who stand in the way of my peaceful retirement will die a horrible death and burn in hell, because that is what they much deserve for stirring shit. may they find themselves in the sewer full of shit so they can just be stirrers themselves. those evil jealous people should all be erased from the face of the earth. for the greater good of all mankind.

bah

maybe instead of working, i should try to go for language immersion lessons in france. but if i do that then i had better rape french damn hard and dont get killed along the way. and i will miss singapore.

it is raining

my lips are cracked and dry

why is life like that

c'est la vie

i am not feeling well again. stomachache, i dont know why. maybe i swallowed too much mouthwash. maybe i ate the stale donut. i hope my wound is healing well. i am afraid of pain. the past few months i have experienced much pain, physical pain. in end february i extracted the right wisdom, in june i removed the torn meniscus, and on monday i extracted the left wisdom. of course now my skin is peeling, thanks to isotretinoin. and i have become so sensitive to sunlight i feel like im a bat. luckily there is the haze so the sunlight isnt so strong. but i am still sunburnt at the joints, i dont know why.

i played with my red eared slider. it has been around since midway through my 77 day hospitalization leave. it looks lethargic nowadays, even when i try to exercise it whenever i am free. usually about 4 hours spread throughout the week. i know my maid feeds it, but i dont know whether she exercises it often. it no longer likes to roam around the grasspatch that is my garden. it just dashes for the hedges and gets stuck. and i have to dig it out. i dont like digging reptiles. they are slimy. but i have no choice. i put it back inside its little tray and had it some wave-pool fun. nice spa for turtle.

the turtle does not have to look for food. it gets fed well. although of course the food is shit. some feed i bought from a pet and petfood trading shop in the village near my place. brown or green sticks that look like shit if soaked in the water for too long. sometimes the turtle gets vegetables too. but the turtle does not like vegetables, so when i am feeling nice or when i am feeling mean i will harass it with the vege stalks and force it to chew up some fibers so it wouldnt die.

i think the turtle is just staying alive. it is not really happy. it is bored. it doesnt get to hunt. apparently sliders are good hunters in the wild. but in captivity they usually only hunt stunned shrimp. but i think i dont want it to have any bloodlust and bite me when i go too close, so i have not fed it any meat. of course the feed contains meat, but it is quite processed so no thought of meat even gets conjured up. just like chicken nuggets. i never associate chickens with the nuggets so i dont feel cruel when i eat the nuggets.

the turtle tries to climb out of its little tray very often. it needs to see the world beyond. it is adventurous. it is just like me in this respect, and also another. it is weak. it cant get over the low wall. it tries as hard as it can at least a third of the day, but it gets all extended before it drops back into the tank. unlike me, it is determined. i wont be surprised that one day it gets to run off to freedom.

of course we cant tell if freedom is going to be good for it. getting out of the tank means it has increased its chances of finding a mate exponentially. which is a good thing. i still dont know whether the slider is male or female or androgynous, but i know that it has instincts and needs. when it is not trying to scale the tray it is humping itself. but it is going to be risky to let it out into the big bad world that is my neighborhood. if it is lucky it would get crushed immediately by a caterpillar truck. its contents would be splattered across the road and its soul would ascend to the heavens, if it didnt deserve to get reborn as a lizard or something. if it is unlucky some neighbors big dog is going to come along and bite its limbs off one by one. if it is unluckier it would stupidly get stuck in another hedge and get dehydrated if nothing finds it. and that is going to be a slow and painful process. i think when my maid found the turtle it was already wrinkly and too feeble to cling onto the hedge as it can now, after we rehabilitated it. probably it got stuck there for a day or two. it was dying, and we saved it. but i am not sure if it is a good thing.

i am not sure if it was kind or foolish to help it live.

je ne veux pas travailler

i should be studying french but i am not. i have no discipline at home. and french homework is quite difficult so i dont get much kick from doing it. i always suspect and often correctly, that something is wrong. i dont like to do things wrongly. so i dont do anything. end everytime i am home i just vegetate. and i feel sad. and i think about things. like how my laptop fan is on the right hand side to warm my hand and mouse up. this is not japan. damn. and i wonder why ikea furniture dont last long. and my table is yellowing and some of the foil finish is peeling. and i feel sad. my life is crummy. and i feel sad. i feel down. i am alone. i dont want to be alone. i want to be with friends. wait, do i have friends at all? i mean i want to be with people who are charitable enough to spend some time with me.

i have no choice but to be alone. i dont want to impose too much on charitable people. when i am at home i like it to be quiet. but it is not quiet. i can hear the drilling from my neighbor's. it gets so bad sometimes even the pendant lamps vibrate. and the windowframes. and even my skull vibrates. i feel sad. i feel irritated. all the more i dont want to work. all the more i simply vegetate as time ticks away. i know i am screwing up my life like that, but i cant pick myself up just yet. i dont know how to.

i am stuck in a rut. i am feeling depressed. i need help. i need tinklefriends. i dont even know their number now. i dont dare to call the saf hotline. i dont want my name to be taken down. i dont want to be singled out for being weak and sad and weak.

My Cocktail

01 X Random Red Tablet
01 X Huge White Tablet
01 X Pink Pill (Isotretinoin 10mg)
01 X Red Pill (Isotretinoin 20mg)

and for this week only (i hope)
01 X Hexagonal White Tablet (Arcoxia)
01 X Little White Tablet (Anti-inflammation)
06 X Yellow-Brown Pill (Antibiotic)
15ml Blue Juice (Mouth Wash)

Isotretinoin Cream
Sunblock
Lip Balm

Real Consumer

Dead Teeth

It all felt the same. a pinoy, another pinoy and the dentist. all female. but they were hiding behind faceshields so i could not evaluate them, but its all the same, i was too anxious to do it. my balls were the size of raisins by then. i gripped my left thumb so hard as the anesthetic was injected that my nail marks can still be seen. and i had cut my nails during the weekend.

having done the same thing before i was not so nervous, but i felt like crap all the same as my face was covered with the hood. i felt like i was on a reclining electric chair, waiting to draw my last breath. i was fixated on the bright light that streamed through the glory hole, as if it was the light that would lead me to a far, far better place.

it was then that i suddenly thought about the frailty of life and how everyone is just a pulse in the eternal mind. we can have our own plans, and what we perceive as our own designs in life. there might be some truth, but very often we are bound by events beyond our control, and the course of our lives get altered much. like my tooth. up to the moment the drill got to it, blood was still pulsing about its roots, and it was probably still growing, and growing. and living. maybe even the splite second where the last bit left the bed of gum, it was still getting nourished by a system that has continued churning about.

i felt a little sad. for the tooth. maybe it was intending to grow big and strong and wreak havoc like a little tyrant in my mouth. maybe it had plans. but suddenly it got removed. it died. maybe it struggled, but not valiantly as it got sawn in half, smashed, drilled through, then smashed, then extracted bit by bit. i felt quite sorry for it.

then i felt sorry for myself. maybe i am but just a tooth in a far greater organism capable of far greater thoughts and far greater work, and my fate is almost completely controlled by it. maybe like a wisdom tooth i might grow too big and then get cut down into pieces and removed. i might cause some discomfort, even pain, to the organism, but only for a short span in comparison to what immortal time can bring.

and i still am feeling sorry because the bleeding has not stopped. wtf. i am so screwed.

a part of me is going to die tomorrow

WISDOM TOOTH EXTRACTION = LYING ON A BED, SURROUNDED BY PINOY NURSES, WITH A DENTIST THAT IS CRAZY ABOUT DRILLING AND INJECTING PAINKILLERS. AND 30 MIN OF DRILLING AND DIGGING THAT MAKES IT FEEL LIKE A CONSTRUCTION SITE INSIDE YOUR SKULL.

OH MY GOD

I HOPE IT WILL NOT BE PAIN AT ALL!

OH MY GOD

OH OH OH MY GOD

today i met a heartlandiot

i went to giant. i was pushing a trolley. a guy in the queue had a trolley full of stuff that made the passage a wee bit too narrow for me to pass. i says excuse me. i think he did hear it, but he pretended not to. i says again. he pretended not to and started talking to his sonny. i got pissed. i rammed my trolley into his. his other sonny standing there got bonked in the head. and his son cried. instead of pacifying his son he said 'hello, hello!' i think at me. but i pretended not to hears him. but when later as he was paying up, i stared him down and then his kids and clenched my fist. i think even tensed my neck up.

thats what you get for not getting out of my way.

where is the spin doctor

the last time i felt this way, it was 2006. it was about ratifying the CCA records, and then as now, the air felt the same, and i felt alone. and i was very, very troubled. one right move will seal the deal, one wrong one and my world would fall apart. now as then, i felt regret that i did not play my hand as well as i could and should have. but as well, now as then, i feel some hope. and i tread carefully.

Ohhhh arrrrrrr deeeeeeee

as the day draws closer, the fever gets more and more intense. status updates on facebook from your classmates, schoolmates, bmtmates, sispec buddies, fellow oocs. conversations among campmates of the same batch and the following batches. they all put a smile on my face.

damn, i cant wait for my ord!

they forced me to clear off today

and i am quite cross about it. i think it unacceptable for them to tell you to take off just the day before, because you are usually too unprepared to enjoy the full day. but it is alright. i am resting now. in half an hour i will bus down to alliance to mug hard. haha.

aaron is on mc this week. so good.

next week he will still be on mc. so good.

next week i will be on mc too. hehe.

and after that i have hardly enough time to clear my off and leave! because i have physio twice a week until my ord. and i definitely need to go back at least 2 days in the last 3 weeks to catch all the signatures. nevermind. whatever i cant expend i consider as gifts to the army.

1 year 10 months ago, i enlisted on tekong. i have under 2 months left. finalement.

danger ahead

2 more work weeks. i am not going to get myself entangled anymore. i dont care about anything anymore. except my pile of medical appointments and medical excuses. they all make me quite happy. they make me feel safe. soon, i will cut the gordian knot and i will break free!

civilian conversion course

is CCC compulsory for ORD?

i want to go for it. if i do go for it monday i will start clearing leave and off.

japanese cheese

a cooling night,
romantic street light.
i feel fuzzy at home.

when i see your face

there's not a thing that i would change
'cause you're amazing, just the way you are.

i am completely in the ORD swing already, just as much as the november boys, just that it is not lull in my camp and i cannot just go awol and fly kite at the barrage just like half of them are doing. but i accept it. everyone has a different lot and i am thankful that most of iti life has been pretty slack so far and pretty peaceful. i hope it stays the same. although now i am in another FML crisis.

i think i feel moody because i have not enough sunlight. i feel for girls now. that they cannot control their moods because of physiological reasons generally beyond control.

Fk This World

i dont need people to tell me how to do their work. because i am not here to do their work. sometimes i dont know what they are thinking. its just slightly over 20 working days if those fridays are counted. and i probably will do some physio. i like physio because i like to feel like im doing something to make myself better and i just dont like to be in camp where i am not contributing but i must act like i am. it is frustrating. and i dont appreciate the audacity of some fellow nsfs. how dare they act like they own all the storemen and they can tell anyone to do anything?

apres moi, le deluge.

rhythm of life

i don't care at all how my peers perceive me. to me the day is but brackets of space in an eternal timetable. i just think of ways to fill the brackets. but mostly i dont mind wasting them away as long as i am not doing something unpleasant. usually with an economist in one hand and my green water bottle filled with ice cold water in the other, in the quiet of the office, i am at one with everything.

i dislike getting disturbed and i dont often rouse from my steady state. when i do i dont bear grudges and i dont feel irritated. i just feel time passing.

have i reached enlightenment or have i given up with life?

isotretinoin

among the many possible side effects like temporary hair loss and temporary increase in cholesterol levels, there is one that stands out much.

"dryness of the vagina - apply petroleum jelly on affected parts before sexual intercourse or as required"

there is one whole section on feminine hygiene. apparently this is powerful stuff that can aggravate menstrual pains, increase menstrual flow and mess up the rhythm. it causes muscle and bone aches and can cause tender sensation in breasts. and double protection of the pill (available from most pharmacies) and a physical barrier (condom or IUD used with spermicide)is strongly recommended if sex is required, to prevent pregnancy so there wont be no baby frankenstein.

i am flabbergasted.

here come's the sun

it's also about turning weakness into strength, about exploiting everything we can. finally the doctor has given me roacutane, a little late, but very useful nonetheless. i have greater hopes of clearing out my acne soon, which is bothering me quite a bit, and i get to be excused from sunlight and join, albeit for a very short while, the pes e gang. on top of it, roacutane is ridiculously expensive, at $300 for 1/3 the course of pills. and the private insurance does not cover for acne medication. how lucky i was to have cheok as my mo and seow as my specialist. although i must admit that seow was cooperative only from yesterday. previously he refused my requests much. now all i hope is that the first course works, and i can get all the medication i need before i ord. i dont want to pay for it, and i dont think the civilsvc card will cover me before i start work.

phallic arrows

the presentation of symbols often amuse me. how one presents his or her symbols changes with the passage of time, but they still bear some telltale signs of the circumstances through which the person had picked up or integrated the symbol into his or her daily life. some symbols are picked up as part of formal education and stay on forever, like double striking the $. sometimes it is the way a whole culture does it, like how the french write their '1' with the prestroke extending from the horizon. some manifestations point to girliness, like using circles or hearts to finish off 'i' and 'j'. and maybe even smaller social groups. i notice that many rg girls tend to draw the heart shape in a weird way with a stroke across it, like an 's' lying on its side and then completed to make a traditional looking heartshape. maybe it is this stroke across that prevents them from finding romance.

and weirdly, all 3 french teachers at the alliance have arrowsigns that are strangely very phallic. instead of the stick arrow they use an outline of the arrow so that the arrow looks like =>. when they do it quickly the point gets blunted off so it looks really really like a dick. maybe it is intentional innuendo in response to the excess estrogen in the class.

some are more conscious than others that there are people who observe such stuff. and some make great effort to conceal such signs so that they are not judged and mostly so they do not get spat on. i dislike such pretentious people although i understand where they come from.

puzzle fighter

i mark today in my calendar. as the SLACKEST DAY i have enjoyed since returning from my mc. it was so slack that i decided not to reschedule the physio that got accidentally cancelled even though it probably would have been fine for me to do so. i played puzzle fighter for most of the early part. i have improved much. i think i have gotten the hang of it. and i went over to 3Div to unlock isac cards with my friends and we had lunch there. they spammed desserts as if they had never seen desserts before. i met a friend i made in secondary school who was a pioneer over there. he related to me his sad life. which made me more thankful for the life i have been leading. at least i do not get barked at all day, and by people who are only as old as me, or who were once schoolmates. at least i do not have to book in at 2330 on every sunday and go outfield and get my long 4 torn up and covered in mud.

i spent the afternoon talking cock and playing pool and playing plants vs zombies. we could have left at 2 but i decided to stay to complete pvz. i was owning. even though its a really simple game. i enjoyed it much. because i enjoy winning. and i hardly win nowadays. so i treasure this rare time when i get to win. and then i watched a softcore movie in camp which was loaded on the inetpc used to scan for viruses. koreans have a cute way of making such videos. and it is good because it is the lead up to the penetration that is also hot. they have a way about stripping that you dont usually get. they hit the right spot. right speed, right mood. rarely achieved elsewhere. and the fact that they are yellowskinned helpes me relate better.

tomorrow is childrens day. i am looking for my innocent child within to celebrate the day with. i cannot find it. it is lost. it wont return. but im too happy to care about that delinquent. tomorrow i have a medical appointment in the morning. i hope i get good stuffs out of it. an mc to tide me through the day and a letter to aid my revocation would be nice. i am feeling good now. even though i have not done my homework. that will be discussed tomorrow. and i dont think im going to do it tonight. i am too happy to do homework.

i dont know why i am so happy. maybe its all the small things today that added up. i feel good from getting to book out early. from not having to open the keypress. from planting myself in front of the inet pc and playing all the silly games and watching korean softcore with the knowledge that everyone who matters is out at the range. and also on the way home i managed to get a seat throughout my journey. quite a feat, considering i took public transport at rush hour. and a pretty girl with hot legs displayed from under some flattering daisy dukes stood inches away in front of me throughout my trip from pioneer to jurong east. i enjoyed the view much. and she smelt nice too.

shall not ponder too much about the source of happiness. happiness is so delicate and shy. low profile too. it disappears when observed.

thank God, i'm masochistic

met the ministry and sciencespo rep. i am in for a good long struggle man. the satellite campus in menton is housed in a XIXe siecle building of the former l'hopital st julien and it overlooking la mer mediterranee. it looks like a holiday inn but it isnt going to be aholiday over there, unlike elsewhere in the us where it is difficult to enter but easy to cruise through.

the french system does not suffer from grade inflation. most students score 10/20 on their equivalent of the gpa, and getting a 12 is already really awesome. i hope i dont die too hard when im there. i cant survive without grade inflation man. without grade inflation i wont even clinch a schship and i will be studying in sim or something.

the boarding looks quite poor too. it says that the female house has toilets on every floor, and it is mentioned as if it is a really big deal. i hope the no-mention on the mens side does not mean that the toilet is 3 streets away so that i should just bring an entrenching tool so that i can dig a hole in the sand on the beach by the mediterranean. shit.

in for a penny, in for a pound.

wanchai

i treasure friendships. and i like meeting up with friends like mr wang. adds color to my crappy greeny crap life. physio tomorrow. and i havent done my french homework. i am feeling a little bad about it. but it is ok. i am off on wednesday. and the intspec is going to be back finally. i am happy!

mad

tomorrow is probably going to be my 2nd last in processing day. i am feeling very crappy. just sent one batch of reservists off yesterday and tomorrow another batch comes. i just hope that the week will pass quickly and painlessly, and i get to go meet up with the sciences po reps.

i want to ord. i need to ord soon if not i will just go crazy. i am mad with anticipation and yearning. i really cannot wait much longer. help me. i dont want to go awol. i dont want to do anything stupid. i have done close to 1 year and 10 months of time. 2 more months to go!

3 more weeks to wisdom teeth extraction!

5 more weeks to off/leave clearing!

i need to go study. have been lazy.

les faux amis

the camp is full of stupid regulars. i wonder how they might get a job outside that pays equally well when they cannot even do simple spreadsheets. and i have to go back tomorrow to listen to them screw each other over. what a way to spend a saturday.

what a nuisance

next week i have physio on tuesday morning and thursday afternoon. i also have an engagement on wednesday at nlb. i also have an ma on friday. the following week i have physio on tuesday morning and thursday afternoon. i also have dental at safti on monday morning. the week following the following week i probably will have some more physio. and then a 1 week break from wisdom. and then the monday after i will have a followup. and then i will get somephysio, i hope. and then one more week to my 5 week off & leave clearing!

fml

where do people like aaron and jordy find the motivation to go to rj on an off day to run. i need to find some motivation to do my french.

i just spent the morning correcting 1 listening comprehension, completing 1 comprehension and reading through some notes. i still have an essay to write, and i already have a throbbing headache from the drilling next door.

i'm just so sick and tired

of my life. i am so sick of the army and i am so sick of french. i hate doing what i do but i feel guilty when i don't. i hate how the institute has been such a waste of life, i hate how it demeans the individual, i hate its onesizefitsall approach, i hate the absence of reason, i hate the pervasive stupidity. it suffocates. at the same time i hate how french can be such a beautiful language but it has so many synonyms and so many different appendages. i hate how there are so many prefixes and suffixes that are so affected by not just the gender or number of subjects but also by the placement of the object. i hate how the table is female and the computer is male. and i hate how there are 8 basic commonly used tenses to screw my life up. and i hate the 3 different sets of rules for conjugation for which there is more than 100 common exceptions. i hate how it is natural to many but it is as natural to me as bestiality. i hate the way my french teacher dumbs down my essay. i hate his air of superiority about how ideas should be argued. he is a french teacher, not a rhetoric teacher. but it is not about him, but about me, myself. i hate how i have been a masochist a temporal masochist. i hate myself for trying to fit in when i clearly dont, for trying to find reason where it does not exist, and for choosing everything that everyone else can be expected to choose whether or not i actually like what i am doing. i hate how i keep hoping that life will be better, and i hate how i get disappointed because i take any achievement of pleasure or satisfaction not as a peak but as a pedestal to build on to achieve greater heights. i hate how i actually keep thinking of climbing higher, when i am actually just stuck at the same spot. i hate it.

i just want to throw all that i hate away, but i cannot. i am on mc today but i cannot help thinking a little about what is going on in camp without me. i actually feel guilty that i am not there to be with the rest of the guys, even though my presence will not make much of a difference to the outcome. and like now, when i am not studying my french, i feel guilty. it is this paranoia that eats away at my mind when i am resting, that this time when i am not conventionally productive will result in a great loss on my part or on the part of people i care about. i dont want to look back in regret and maybe even anger when i receive bad ratings. i am obsessed aboutgs. i dont know why. but i cant change my obsession. i am afraid to make mistakes, i am afraid of failure. yet i am also often unwilling to sacrifice and to feel pain. i am guilty of often praying hoping and wishing. i get lucky sometimes, but mostly i mess up.

i am really so sick and tired of all this. so sick and tired of the way i lead my life. so sick and tired of my life. i am not even 20 yet. i really really am screwed.

two roots

whence the euphoria from obtaining the medical leave has completely evaporated

there is only the residual guilt. have i changed?

i LOVE MAs!

now i know how steroids actually feel like inside of me.

steroid injections for the win.

and 2 days mc

everyone needs some mooncakes

its already mid-autumn. today is the 15th but interestingly i saw small kids wandering around the neighborhood with lanterns yesterday night. i remember doing that too, when i was their age, but when i was their age there were plenty more groups. maybe 10 years ago we did not have facebook or habbo hotel so we cannot walk about with a virtual lantern on some virtual landscape. or it might be a simpler reason that the children in this neighborhood have mostly grown up. most people have been staying around here since 1996, and most families that moved in in 1996 were middleaged couple with primary school or kindergarten kids. and those dwarfs have now become teenagers or young adults already. it is in such reminiscence when one feels very very small and insignificant, that one has grown older, has moved closer to death. one is just a speck in the eternal mind, with little true knowledge of the first spring ages ago or the last winter that will happen ages later. i feel a loss, really.

i like mid autumn because i like mooncakes. i have a sweet tooth. but also a discerning palate, and of late i have realized that it is not just hawkerfare that is getting crap, mooncakes are getting crap too. instead of improving the taste and texture the mooncake houses experiment with new flavors that disgust from their names alone. some can be quite nice, but they become quite inconsistent too. those knock offs, like tungloks taste bad, but cost almost the same. anyway what matters more is the cost of the mooncakes and the packaging, because most of the time the orderers of the mooncakes give them out as gifts and in a chinese society relationships have a monetary equivalence. and effort equivalence. like those shitty champagne truffles from raffles. they used to be good. they arent anymore. but the bankers still fly them business class to indonesia. they pay for the excess baggage too. some also go to wingwah in hongkong to get them. even though they are reallly reallly oilly. but i still like mooncakes, as long as they dont have too many yolks in them.

when i was younger i used to like lanterns and candles too. i still like them a litt,e but now that im alone and im old it is not easy to find an opportunity appropriate to play with such stuffs anymore. and anyway lanterns are a waste of money. they have become really expensive, even those crepe ones. they used to be simple and cylinders and cost 50c when i was 10, but now they cost $1.50 with some random paper cutting and outofplace copies of barbie dolls or retarded purple ponies. and those rubber balloon kind with a lightbulb dont impress me, and candles contribute to global warming and can be a fire hazard.

today i take a break and go for my medical appointment. i would rather spend midautumn at home than in a fake prata house in murai. i hope it will be winter soon, because spring will follow in the proper order and the rest of my life will begin!

firefighting

"shit hitting the fence" is probably the phrase i have heard the most in camp. my co likes it, and by extension his bootlickers like it. and anything with favored scatological references, like those making references to the genitalia or sexual acts with parents, will be very popular and definitely well propagated in this uncultured and virtually uncivilised society. in the first place, "shit hitting the fence" is a completely unlikely hyperbole. and both "shit" and "fence" can be substituted by almost anything to produce the same effect, as long as "fence" is replaced by a container or enclosure. lets say "rainwater overflowing from shellscrape", or better,"Semen spilling out of a condom". how apt. how soldierlike. when inspired by ong bak 3, one can also use "menstrual blood soaking through skirt".

of late there is a new imagery that has become popular. maybe it is civildefence envy. but the imagery has much to do with firefighters and red firetrucks and the like. instead of "solving/settling the problem", or "troubleshooting", favored by the IT unsavvy who try to act savvy,it has now become "fighting fire". the actor is the firefighter, the problem (basically his work) is the destructive maelstrom and the solution is the fire extinguisher. or the firehose. or the firetruck. whatever.

i appreciate this imagery a lot more than the puerile shit one. at least it wasnt intended to be funny because of a scatological reference. but it still gets on my nerves when it is overused. and my colleague likes to use it a lot. and he thinks that he is oh so incredibly important to the camp because he is the one doing the firefighting.

i was feeling irate because i was running late for physio, so i told him and everyone present that once in a while big fires can be good. when whatever we have built up now burns to rubble then we can rebuild from scratch without baggage. and that we should not be afraid that our possessions get burnt as long as we keep ourselves alive. just like the athenians who retreated onto an island to draw the persians to a waterfight. they defeated the persians but not before the persians burnt most of athens down. but had athens not burnt down the parthenon and the acropolis might not have been built.

and someone decided to pass this along to the co.

le bigot-monstre

j'ai besoin de me retrouver. je n'aime pas ni ce que je fais, ni ce que je ferai. je suis tres decu.

i am the wind

and i will be brave, so that life will be beautiful.

tough weeks dont last, but tough men do.

i am tough.

martians are invading my world

i have been looking forward to the weekend the whole past week, not for what there is to do, but for what there isnt to do. i woke up late today and had dimsum for breakfast. and i read the newspaper. and then i walked around imm and then i let my pet terrapin out for a walk, and then i fell asleep until now. i still have not done my french homework. if i had done my french homework already it would have been a perfect weekend.

in my b2 class there is this particular student called lalita who seems really old. she wears gold-framed reading glasses with a pink-beaded spectacle band and the glasses distort her eyes a lot. usually she wears curtains to class. she layers them to make them look more like clothes. she writes quite slowly and seems to be hard of hearing in both french and english, and she talks too much. she must be an ardent believer of the non-existence of stupid questions and irrelevant comments. and she must belong to a group of people that believe in improving themselves in obscure domains just for the sake of being good in that said obscure domain which seems to have little practical application.

i am a proponent of lifelong learning, but not of lifelong coursetaking. it might be myopic and naive of me to place an economic value on classes such as this, but i still feel that the capital outlay is not small and requires a good return for justification. and it is hard to see how learning language for its own sake is really enjoyable, especially an anal language as french. taichi or yoga can be justified by contributing in some way to increased longevity and probably also quality of life in old age. but for french the benefit seems far less apparent. maybe watching 'la vie en rose' in french improves her silver years muchly. maybe a french penpal.

i always feel that grannies like her should be staying home on friday nights spending quality time busying themselves over an aromatic pot of good curry reminicising the good old days when they still had the energy to dance around coconut trees. maybe she doesnt have her own family. she always talks about her nephews and nieces but never before about her sons or daughters. maybe she feels incomplete. maybe french class completes her.

friday and what it brings still separate me from the weekend

i still have not dont my french essay which should be turned in tomorrow, and i dont feel any strong urge to start doing it. i am usuallys shagged out after camp. the fact that i am tuned to relax mode whem i am at home makes it much worse. my mind remains lucid even during the most dreary french lessons but once i am home it turns to mush from just from recognizing work.

i am often guilty of thinking too much about things, of thinking about how things can get worse. that makes life difficult because i second guess people and i think of how to defend against embarrassment or loss a little too much. i was once or twice bitten, but instead of just being shy i have become paranoid. like shihuangdi i build walls around me to prevent unpleasant intrusion, but these walls oftentimes also prevent beneficial redox (Xchange and Xcel, how dumb, sec3obs) reactions.

i should try not to read too much into things or people because sometimes people can be altruistic. and quite often now no matter the amount of thought the unpleasant outcome is usually unavoidable. i just have to suck all the shit up until i ord.

the resistance

i am excused outfield so i wont i wont i wont go out. make me and i will report sick. make me and i will forward a complaint to the afc. some regulars seem to be plain dumb. of course people who are ex outfield can go outfield, just like exrmj people can sometimes actually do all of the above, just as anyone else can take the lift to the top of an apartment block, urinate on some slippers carelessly dumped about on the corridors, masturbate in the dogs presence and do some cover art on walls and doors before freefalling from the service ledge.

on a more mature level, most normal people hold sacred their own right to life, but would definitely sacrifice their lives for that of their loved ones.

medicine is not so advanced and it is partly the reason that statuses are so broadly defined. apart from the inability to detect exactly the symptoms and ailments, some injuries have no alleviation and it simply makes more sense for the state to compromise on contributions of the conscript than pay out the conscript some considerable sum. and after all i am a conscript, i am not a regular, i am a citizen-soldier, a citizen first, a soldier second. my contribution as a soldier cannot at anypoint undermine or diminish my ability to contribute otherwise as a citizen and should not compromise irreparably my welfare.

and this is a point i will not move away from.

filming@sherwood

1. tanglin is really huge and awesome. the map room, reading room, waiting areas and official entrance are all so beautifully appointed. the carpets were awesome, so were the sofas, the marbling traces and the pictures and memorabilia.

2. i look so different with makeup. makeup really makes so much difference. concealed all my acne and scars for the shoot. so i really really looked very very different.

3. i speak too quickly.

4. as long as the economy doesnt go bad my starting pay can even cross 5k. woohoo. but i must do well enough so i dont get screwed up grades at sciences po. so i can get my master sponsorship.

5. i hope i get featured and dont look like a cock so that i will have to bury my head in a hole next schship tea session.

l'aigle

je suis tres decu que je n'etudias pas le francais aujourd'hui.

? where can i find the determination to mug?

i received an email from the ccal07 egroup about some rafflesyouthwing thingy. haha. it would be nice. to meet up again. i think i havent left school behind yet. just like i havent taken to being a soldier yet. even after 21 months of service.

beautiful day

i love much how fbts and hot legs complement each other so well.
ahm was a real parade of chiobus. maybe sporty girls tend to be chio-er, and maybe a higher level of activity promotes a healthier puberty for girls. or only those who needed attention from boys would go for the run organized mainly by nsfs mainly for nsfs, who all, necessarily, by law, double up as life support for penises. pity the weather was blisteringly hot, and the gang decided to adjourn to killeney kopi at marinasquare for some breakfast. if not i would have gotten myself high on hot legs. and the silhouettes of well appointed sportsbras supporting those perky lumps with great growth potential.

how lewd.

moving on.

aaron was a proud finisher of the AHM. and he gots himself a medal which i expect will be dedicated to a certain tracker, or isit extracker?. yeah. that medal must mean a lot because aaron crashed through barriers of pain while crossing the benjamin sheares bridge and being still on ex RMJ for 6 weeks.

i wasted a whole morning hunting for suitable shirts, because there were none. nothing to fit my weird frame to a T and nothing that can fit my pathetic wallet. and my mom had actually bought for my brother a shirt which he did not bring along to australia that actually fits me and the theme. it isnt very nice, but its fine by me since im not spending any of my hard earned ns allowance on it.

should think up what i should say tomorrow. especially in response to why i picked sgfs over ies. or over any other schship. the apparent answer isnt politically correct. and i dont want to look like a complete clown tomorrow.

padang

i am doing 0km tomorrow, so i dont know why i am actually going to turn up in a loser singlet. but i think tomorrow i will go shopping for my casual shirt lol. i am taking this whole thing quite seriously. maybe i am taking everything extra-army very very seriously to break the whole monotony thingy.

ya, and i hope that like last year there will be some zealous fbt girls running about that i can perv at tomorrow. yes.

i did my french homework. again. so proud of myself. but i still have my letter undone. sigh. procrastinated too hard yesterday. gg liao.

Forecast of Events

Sep 16 -physio @ mmi
Sep 22 -MA @ mtE
Oct 01 -MA @ NUH
Oct 04 -Dental @ safti
Oct 18 to Oct 22 -Wisdom tooh extraction @ KTPH + MC
Oct 25 -Follow Up @ KTPH
Nov 08 -Claim Birthday Off
Nov 09 to Nov 12 -Clear Off
Nov 15 to Dec 03 -Clear Leave (STUDY)

~ 03*Physio (min)
~ 01*MA (min)
~ HIV FFI
~ ORD Dental FFI
~ ORD FFI

Dec 10 ORD

selamat hari raya aidilfitri

i feel so inclusive. yay.

what a way to end such a slack week. bowling on monday, physio on wednesday and pool on tuesday and thursday. i hope only that my life continues to be so slack.

sunday got ahm :S

going back to the ministry on monday for filming. hope it would be great fun!

what nostalgia

i feel of my 11 week break, as i sit here in front of the computer on a weekday. it feels great, that i am on morning off today because there isnt much to do in camp and i have physio at noon so my nice boss decided to let me not go back this morning. but of course if he wanted me to clear an off its fine by me also, i am in my last stretch already and i cant really be bothered much about camp and about accumulating a huge lump of offs. i just wont touch my leave just yet, so i can unleash them 14 days in november when it is time for me to mug hard for my french exam.

since returning to camp i havent been doing much commander-level work, to use a lame term i first heard spoken by my counterpart, an overenthusiastic, over responsible and underchilled ex regular who is biding his time to his november ord. i have been more or less not taking any initiative, have been doing only whats been required when required. have been too preoccupied with sending friends off, meeting up with people, and of late to some extent, my french. but i cant help it. i also cant help my resolve to not go outfield, to not book in early et cetera. i think i fit somewhere between mr negative and mr suckthumb, in that i try not to suck thumb when i dont have to, but i suckthumb so that i dont get into trouble, which for the past few weeks have been muchly possible, save one or two retarded occasions, like saturday when the boss decided to have a pow wow and wasted my precious weekend afternoon discussing irrelevant nonsense. deo volente, this lucky streak will continue for the next 3 months. yes, it is to be 3 months to my ord, exactly, in 2 days time. i feel my ord coming already.

i still think of the days leading up to my enlistment, the anguish i had felt, knowing that my life was going to be changed forever. on the outside i was stoic, and a part of me tried to be positive that the 2 years of my prime aint going to be completely squandered away. of course whatever positive feelings i had got quickly eroded away by the great torrents of stupidity that got rained on me from tekong to plc to nee soon to jurong to sembawang and then jurong again. i lost faith in the system, it being run with a cadre of disagreeable characters in a disagreeable way. i hate it.

i remember those happier times before enlistment. they werent perfect and there were time i worried and i was sad and i was foaming hard at the mouth. but those were, in general, as a whole, better times, that i have come to miss, that i have come to treasure. really, i have to agree with the lyrics of jankis favorite song, big yellow taxi, that 'dont it always seem to go, that you dont know what youve got till its gone'.

physio.

homework

i've fallen in love with french homework

i find it hard to believe, but it is true.

it is a true escape from work,

and it feels like im enriching myself.

true there are moments when i feel like an idiot

because i dont understand anything

but when that happens, in camp i look left and look right

outside i just look at the receipts of spent tax monies

and i again feel strength to continue.

if only i had felt this good,

this satisfied,

with homework in jc.

or secondary school.

eitherways,

maybe i wont be in this rut now.

thank god for mess activities like bowling

to relieve my angst and boredom that have been building up very quickly since i returned from my mc.

another ict tomorrow. tough life.

orh orh

i just took a 2 h nap at the expense of my french homework.

how typically me.

napping is an indulgence i have rarely indulged in since NS started, because excess sleep is a waste of time that was super precious when i used to stay in and i only had like 48h per week out of the shitty camps. not forgetting that napping on sunday is going to be real disastrous cos getting to sleep in camp on the first night back is usually quite tough for me.

now i enjoy napping because it doesnt matter to me that i sleep late and be tired, i really dont care about camp work anymore. the bosses generally are unappreciative and they dont even bother to mask it.

and so i wont mask my complete disdain.

pencils sharpened on both ends

yesterday i was typically bored and i wondered about the world around me. not the world at large, but my immediate, physical surroundings. which happens to be the office now, since i am with ops int and i am excused outfield so i try to spend time seasoning the plush office chairs instead of their counterparts in the mess. so in the office there is a whole row of metal cupboards, a third of which belonging to ops int, so i had to find out what was inside some of them.

i proceeded to open the keypress to draw out the keys. well, this is iti, so only 2 or 3 of the 50 keyhooks in the keypress are in use, because the cupboard keys, abloy keys and internal doorkeys were mostly collected on a single keyring. we call it the master bunch (0f) key(s), because with this bunch half the doors in 2 different blocks in and 20% of all camp cupboards can be opened. bearing in mind that this is iti, the keys are all not labled.

so i spend almost 1 hour trying out keys and opening cupboards. there were many cupboards and many keys. it was annoying, but i had to kill time. the spirit of adventure and discovery was strong in me, and i staunchly believed that i was going to find something good among the stacks of papers bearing testament of lousy english lessons, random stationery, parts of cannibalized field chairs and sbo parts.

i did. i found a mechanical pencil sharpener. that was made in japan. how cool is that. i was quite amused by it, by how it was so damned heavy, by how it contained 4 batteries to power 2 tamiya-like engines. i postulate, hopefully quite accurately, that one engine allows the screwblade to rotate around it own axis while the other engine drives a chain that allows the screwblade to rotate around the pencil shaft which itself also rotates. and it comes with a safety mechanism that kills the power when the shaving collection bin is removed. and a manual that was completely in japanese with no illustration.

the sharpener automatically sharpened anything pushed through its vulva, for the lack of a better name. and it did so with a satisfyingly loud whirr that attracted the attention of mes chers collegues pretending to do work in the labyrinth of cubicles. it didnt sharpen very well, but within seconds every other bored guy seemed to have with him a pencil, or two or three of them, that needed sharpening. so i let them all sharpen their pencils. and i realized that the resultant shavings are quite pretty.

the sharpener, for want of a better expression, became 'my precious' and i decided that i had shared my precious enough, so i retired with it someplace else to sharpen a pencil. the sharpener made a lot of noise but didnt sharpen very well, so i had to think of what i can do to achieve the best result.

i tried to engage it at different angles, but with varying success. in the process i made an important discovery that sharpening pencils at both ends was the domain of the demented bored dude or dudette, not the nerd with a transformer pencil case with purpose built eraser compartment that springs out, or humji-kia whose pencil lead will definitely break during model-drawing. do not spit on this discovery. it seems blatantly obvious but only because it has been discovered. its just like gravity. it took more than 100 000 years post-monkeydays before a specimen of humankind discovered it. it is good to be bored sometimes, so that one can try out new things and make great discoveries that might one day make the world a better place for the entire human race.

anyway i discovered that the best result was achieved by providing a good strong downward force that continuously fed the pencil to the depths of the hole. to prevent the graphite shavings from sticking on the wood, the sharpener should be shaked before the pencil is gently removed. the lack of force will result in a blunt pencil head. excess force on the other hand creates the made-in-china toy helicopter problem. helicopters often have a little propeller on its rear tip to keep the copter in the right direction, but the chinese helicopter would have a hind propeller tht is stronger than needed so the helicopter spins round and round. similarly the sharpener spins around itself and soon enough half the pencil has been shaved away.

which isnt a bad thing, really. because the pencil shavings look quite cool. it is quite amusing to look at the shavings getting spewed out. as the bin gets congested some of it feeds back into the screwblade and gets spewed out in a really funny way. i know its not just funny to me because some people who gathered around to watch the sharpener were mesmerized by the rhythmic spewing of the shavings. at some point i had taken out a box of fresh pencils and when i took a toilet break necessary to prevent stones from forming, the other dudes managed to lay their hands on my precious and created, within about half an hour, pencilettes from the pencils. and of course, lots and lots of shavings which got dumped down the shirt of some poor guy who was not involved in the original fun.

everything stopped when it was time to bookout. i locked the sharpener away for the day.

there is a fine line between curiousity and lunacy and between fun and idiocy. over here where i am squatting to my ord, this line is really, really fine.

ioies 1000

there is rarely a day that can be perfect. thats why i do not often seek perfection.

i keep worrying that my life will fall apart.

i'm disappointed.

feels like chemistry

in a class of 7 females, i should feel great. except that the lesson was so damned tough i couldnt get the comprehension oral at all. i shouldnt have overcommitted. what gave me such false hopes anyway.

so nostalgic, the feeling. felt like i was in chem tutorial, with the professor doing his own thing with the rest of the class while im daydreaming. about how i will be enjoying france, where the french all speak english. i kept wondering to myself what on earth was i doing and many times i felt like simply bolting out of the room. suddenly an acrid sharp smell wafted up to me. and i wondered if someone was on heat. and her menstrual blood was spilling out or something. and then i completely went off into lalaland.

i kept trying to focus but it was too tough on me.

really need to work my balls off man.

happy teachers day! real proud of jorddy who took day off to visit alma mater. is it rosyth? jordy rocks. i have not visited nanhua since sec 1. nothing more than bad memories and broken dreams.

i did it

C9L9 permanent

excused outfield 1 month to breach medical board.

today is good day.

went to handburger at 313 @ somerset

so is good evening. too

the pleasure of hating

is tough to savor but very rewarding.

hazlitts good.

lifes like that

aaron has his driving license

and yiheng has his happy clubber life

all i have are some pathetic, crumpled newspapers

i feel alive again

lunch at talking point with the other scholars was great. i enjoyed it, really. the hr people were quite nice, and interested, and interesting, and i hope they continue to be so when i embark on my studies next year. if they arent supportive, i will be quite sad. it they only email me about my results, i will just foam.

scpo seems not bad, but the menton campus is really foamily small. with 110 people in 2 batches, it seems like the cohort is just wee bigger than my primary 1 class. jokes. and while the overall experience seems positive, i think i really need to mug hard my french or else i will just ggxx and foam damn badly. i dont want to foam.

and the fsos work real hard man. the staff from se asia work till 8 pm during lull period and up to midnight for nights consecutive during busy period. good game man. i think i will have to get used to staying in then. but dempsey seems like a nice place to stay in. the compound is even designed to allow you to stay in. please. they have huge toilets, awesome gyms and who can forget 'talking point', their equivalent of the mess with a bar and free foosball and pool and a karaoke room for foamers! oh my god man!

life seems tough. but the masochist in me is looking forward to it.

i just signed off $693.60 with a vengeance at alliance. for my tues and fri lessons. and i found that theres actually a lesson on wed for A1, finally. will ponder over it before i decide to persuade mfa to let me do it too! haha. that will keep me safe from going outfield overnight. yes!

lunch with d/hr later

can i be less responsible?

i think its not easy.
especially in a camp full of clowns.

maybe if i didnt have the additional baggage of schship,
i wouldnt care so much.

tough.

bittergourd

when life gets too tough, just run across a busy road.
do it at a u-turn and get the manual cars locked up,
and start afresh, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

life needs to be simplified, or shortened.
complication breeds anxiety, and already now,
too much anxiety is within my system.

mix the anxiety up with angst, depression
and general moodiness

and you get a human bittergourd. that is fermenting,
and without the 2569 vitamins and minerals.
you get me.

anxiety rapes me of my sanity, the sanctity of life, and my soul
and puts in my heart the fear, that i will be reincarnated,

as a bittergourd. that is unloved and uneaten.
that wont be able to contribute to mankind as nutritious slices in an omelette
or with blackbeans
heck not even juiced by the newage-homosexual-leftist-ecomentalist
but instead be the gourd that will get infested with little worms
and maggots and all that is unpleasant.

but i dont want to be a bittergourd.

grass

snaps not, by bending

live like grass
and stay alive

until ord.

maybe its the last stretch of my teenage angst that i will be leaving behind

home already

is it the sweltering heat
or the countdown
that is making me foam hard?

maybe the illogical
ahm timing.

on pain of death

108 days left
it hurts.

108 days i cant wait to be over, i cant wait, i cant wait, i cant, i cant, i cant!

screw ippt. screw it. if not. argh.

half day off

just isnt even half as pleasurable as a full day off

thanks to the nagging thought of going back

?

i oft wonder, why
as ord draws closer
the days feel longer

Deo volente

i will meet up with my primary six classmates
and the firefly people next next week.
and i will have my french courses approved
and nothing goes wrong with my schship

so so important, much more so now than before, in ns, for this.
so much, too much, is beyond control.

all that should happen, will happen
all that should not, will not

insha'allah

darkest night

tough times that linger.
toast

time

why didnt CO clear with me

because you are only his css trainer. dont be ridiculous.

i have never met such an obnoxious and retarded person and it still puzzles me how he has been able to rise to be a major, seeing that he has obvious speech issues, speaks like a matrep, acts like one, and has a dubious MSc Logistics from nti, on top of general tactlessness and complete and blatant insubordinate behavior. and obviously he didnt do his work properly, what with all the wrong figures in whatever he has tallied up at the like, and discounts for bulk losses eg x=3, 3x(w GST)=7. jokes. and with only 108 people booked in, 135 people did ippt, and in one company of 42 takers, 0 passed. boomz!

why iti is such an epic failure has become apparent. it is not just rotten at the bottom, its rotten in the middle and at the top. when the co speaks, the oc is talking on the phone or thumbing the ikea catalogue. when the co advises for amendments, the csstnr just brushes him off in the face. yes the co can be difficult at times, but i dont see how that gives them the right to just disregard him right in his face. at least have the courtesy to disparage him behind his back.

maybe thats why they all dont get promoted. on top of not working, they get lousy appraisals for pissing their boss off. how wise.

first week done. taking a half day off on monday to miss the insane 0610 ahm cat. half day offs are quite dumb actually, but i have 22 days of off and leave, not including the 1.5 days i am expending in the week. and the wisdom extraction. its also a good deal, because i think its not nice to make my father drive me to jcamp1 at 0555 and i dont want to book in sunday night to the stinky disgusting bunks. pui.

wednesday co talk, and they have removed all the lockers from the locker room already. they had better not implement stay in, at least not before i ord. in 111 days.

at least it was all computer-based

the people are nice
the pool is great
but work isnt-

it gets tedious

and also ridiculous

on the balance, though

the first two days were ok

and i hope it stays the same.

gardens

i am so depressed when i hear that finally when i move to intops the nice bosses are gone and i am left with sucky bosses who will make me go outfield like everyday is sunday. 114 days leftohmygod. i am stuck with them for so long. ohmygod. and i need to get a good CoS ohmygod.

so help me God

this evening, i am at peace even if i am into the dying moments of my long hospitalization leave. i feel like the condemned, with my better days behind me, with all chance of reprieve exhausted.

tomorrow i shall go get my haircut back to military specifications and the day after i shall wear a smile, spring in step as i walk back to camp for another 115 days before i become a free man again. i have enjoyed myself much these 77 days. these 77 days well spent. day after day i wake up after the sun, and i read french, random crap, go for MAs, spend time about with my family. i was a happy boy. and i hope to continue being a happy boy. even though the quality of life is not going to be as good again for another 115 days. i just hope that i continue staying out, i dont have to book in early and book out late too often, i get my fair deal of offs i get to book out for my french and MAs and ministry stuffs, and i get to play pool once in a while to get my $8/month worth of it.

yeah.

mesdames et messieurs, la flame d'olympique jeunesse

i actually liked the yog opening ceremony. the colors, the lighting, the reflecting pool concept and that phoenix on the sce boat. the containers were cool and the spiralling flame from the lower air intake in the lighthouse mock up was awesome. except i dont think its wise to publicize the amount of gas required in tough times like this when everyone is about being green. the songs were cheesy but the huge monsters the only thing thats realy overboard.

i thought the whole yog sucked from what my friends said but at least the ceremony was good. it was a good wayang, but i hope it didnt cost too much. i mean the original budget for it was like 75mil, but its 387mil isit or something? taxpayers money. it better have the spin off, because the athletes arent worth that much in themselves.

anyway about the food provided to volunteers. i think it is absolutely understandable that volunteers do not get athlete level food. but we must note that these arent all true volunteers, they probably got banged about more so they angst harder and complain more. the thingis not about whether volunteers should be provided with food,but that if food is going to be provided, why provide such lousy unbalanced diet? i daresay that actually wet vegetables can be provided. just use those saf ration boxes and bags. the compartmentalized ones so that nothing really spills. is it that difficult? maybe can get cqs from iti to do ration. damn top quality la even can ice the fruits for them. and anyway the food can be kept for 4h in unopened ration bags, by saf standards, and i dont think it is that difficult anyway to gauge the food consumption time, cos they arent even on some assault mission, they are at very urbanized locations and the schedules can more or less be gauged.

grinder

how can predestination,
coexist with free will?

or is it just karma, sometimes
from your previous life

but if you were a jackass then,
why will you be different now?

do you believe in God?

triskaidekaphobe's nightmare

today.

0.4

if the 24 months can be likened
to the 2.4, that i suck at running
i am already into the last lappe
if pop was the end of the beginning
this must be the beginning
of the end
and the end, is starting to come
in sight

how to be a mugger, when

i have become too distracted too easily by ambient noise. and i get annoyed most by idiots who use their mobiles in the library. who do not put them on silent mode. who do not realize it is their phone thats ringing until 2 mins later. who do not have the courtesy to cut the line and rush for the exit but take their own sweet time to check the caller ID. and then pick up the damned phonecall in the bloody library. luckily there are some old men who readnewspapers who tell them off and shame them into leaving the library completely.

and i think parents who bring their toddlers to the library deserve death too. those toddlers run about, ruffle bags and stuffs and drop books all over the floor, and shout and bawl when they realize their parents are nowhere to be seen. its not like the toddlers are even literate enough to read books in this section anyway. some parents look so retarded i think they too cant even read books in this section too. and those that bring kids in prams are the worst. the kids are obviously too young to even prop books up against their chests to read and all they do is cry and cry and cry like babies. and the parents who try to pacify them in the library should be dropped down the atrium of the shopping center. faggots. inconsiderate faggots. and i notice most of them are from china. wonder why.

im all for providing conducive environment for learning from young but please dont do it at the expense of others. dont come up with the crap that theres no one home, unless you are a single parent with no one you can trust. actually highly possible la. once bitten twice shy, after choosing the wrong shagbuddy and choosing the wrong time to have no protection. and its not societys fault that you messed up. and the fact is that you dont see people bringing pets into the library cos theres no one at home. just go to the library when someone else is at home la wtf.

and i thinks students should be restricted to their own school libraries cos they make too much noise in the public library. i have a good mind photographing these nuisances who talks non stop in the library laugh and play instead of reading and sending them to the schools so that the principal will publicly cane them. ya, even the girls.hah.

then the library will be a conducive place for learning.

the entire

4 months to ORD
1 week to back to camp.

omg i have to take the bad with the good and i havent even studied french enough yet omg omg omg. and im finally settling back into my preprelims lifestyle of mugging and comics please dont do this to me argh!!!!

the futur

i like how soldiers are going to become more like power rangers and how the ncc npcc cadets n scouts n girl guides were all carrying red or white umbrellas.

omg i cant go back to camp im going to be super depressed. i want to continue reading hard everyday i dont want t go outfield i dont want to wake up early i dont want to sleep in ouv i dont want to cut my hair! argh!

and when im back its about 110 days to ord and that just sucks bigtime. too much thumbsucking action argh argh argh!

seveneleven

yesterday was preston the chinaman's birthday. so happy belated birthday preston the chinaman! hope that you is doing well at haitong and earning lots of monies and goodwill and excellent Cert of Svc so that you can join Fidelity and earn a starting pay of 5000 pounds a month so you can visit Singapore again for conferences.

deliverin' teh best!

today i commemorate my 1 year with ITI. at home. at the beginning of the end of my hospitalization leave. the year with ITI started on a high, from the first day when i was on a double decker bus heading home at 2pm for my first night of my stayout life. excellent la. i also saw ash, the most idiotic guy i have met in life so far and by a huge margin, but he wasnt that much obnoxious yet, at least not on the first encounter. my time at alpha was nice, i liked my oc and my encik a lot. extremely nice people, gave me lots of offs and gave me free off for all the firefly engagements and shielded me from ash, that idiot. still remember him telling people that i should be back on friday afternoon for his last minute storeinspectn cos i wasnt on my own off and i was given time off by my boss. i think i booked out too much for his taste he wanted to chiket me and make my life tough, but luckily i siamed taiwan and i siamed the last few days he had in camp. apart from him and his ridiculous ideas, life was quite good. waking up early for inpro or ippt fatigue sucked, but that was that. spent my time making friends and clowning around for most part. slacking in bc, then slacking in the mess, surfing random crap, then playing pool. guard duty was a perennial sucky point, but i was lucky enough to have siamed most of it cos i was promoted to gdcomd gd2ic in dec, but it was too late to schedule me for dec, and in jan they forgot again so my duty started in feb and ended in may. and in feb i didnt kena cny duty, which is immense, and the rest of the months the mpspec was kind enough to give me fairly good duties, including letting me do weekend share on good friday. lol. free day off. but he gave me one with the most screwed up DO ever, but luckily the duty clerk chatted with him all night i didnt get turned out by that no-gooder who is going to get struck by lightning some time soon. my charlie encik, i didnt really like, stupid and kei kao. but im not my upperstudy so when he got too far i just shouted at him like a man. it scared him that i wasnt going to cry like a baby like my upperstudy who lost his marbles. anyway i siamed roc and i slacked the whole may off like a man before going for my surgery which is awesome lah. now im going to hq. hope that i will be confirmed in opsint and life will be good as i cruise to my ord. 112 days from the day i will return to camp, with physio to be arranged, wisdom op to cover me from 27 sept to 2 aug and my 14 days of leave and 3 days of Off i expect honored. ok. today i mugged hard my french to commemorate the important day. so now i shall go sleep.

riotous calm

it's an emptiness i feel nowadays. i just feel, bored. and unsatisfied. event though i should be- i am on mc, my french revision is going on course, i have been reading well, most recently plutarch's sparta and orwell's why i write and the economist.

i have somewhat brought a schedule into my life of free existence to prevent myself from veering off course and down a deep dark abyss. once i wake up to light i get out of bed, which is anytime between 7 and 9 am, depending on the need to piss, which depends on water consumption the night before. and whether i took wine. but i invariably wake up before 9 because i can rarely sleep through drilling. and the drilling really rocks the world around me.

with dispensation, i leave for bpp on foot, usually reach it before 10, but the library opens around 11. i say 11, because the librarians open the gates to the hordes of boliao people waiting outside between 1 and 8 min late, by my clock, which should not be too far off the +0800GMT. a little unacceptable la, but this isnt germany or la gare du nord.

before the library opens i will find myself some discreet location in kopitiam or macs to sit and read my stuff. my magazines and books, no french. because both places are usually quite empty i get away with not ordering anything with no one to bother me, except maybe the zealous cleaner who enjoys mopping below feet.

and when im in the library i plonk myself down on the round table and get down to the hard work that is french, until about 5pm. of course its not pure mugging lah. this is not PIMPing. i go on the prowl for hot legs and transclucent shirts on hot girls. they do not appear until after 2. they peak at about 4, for some reason. so in the morning i am least disturbed, with no one to share my table. the past few days a sec 2 nygh girl called j4z31 from class 203 has been sharing my table. not hot, but cute. a little too young though, lol. so i dont perv her la.

its apparent that productivity is far from 100%, but it cant be helped, and i think its a good effort since i have hardly even sat myself down to something so boring and annoyingly pedantic that i feel like feeding my mechanical pencil up my nose every hour or so. it doesnt help that vocabulary is about the assembly and maintenance of an ensemble at one's finger tips. i remember little and forget muchly, my brain built more like a sieve. only studying chemistry in the leadup to the a levels was even more unpleasant. i mean in the field of mugging. field camp and related shit is definitely worse la.

then i leave for home around five because the drilling would have ceased by then and the library is a freezer and i would be frozen through even though i have my jacket. and the library would be filled with neighborhooddelinquents apeing around and prc retirees (dunno how the heck they got pr) talking their chinaman shit. because the librarians dont have balls the place will be a zoo with all the animals on steroids. a few will stand out for being excited about the ginger stuck up their behinds. its just a circus.

once i get home i read the papers, i go online, i sign into msn and appreciate all conversation i can get. i also sign into facebook for my routine stalking. it takes quite a while to go through whole photoalbums you know. i indulge in linking to pages of friends of friends and then perving them. haha. depraved. then i go about and lie on the bed and appreciate the sturdiness of la planche which still holds steadfast despite being soaked and leaky in the past few massive roof leakages. i also read, but not a lot.

then its dinner time with my parents, then we watch whatever garbage comes on tv. like entertainment on 5 today. complete crap, except that katy perry was on it. makes you wonder whether ellen was this bad when she started out hosting. then my parents will get back to whatever was occupying them and i will be doing nothing of any value or much entertainment. so i blog and hope that time passes and i get tired so i will sleep. but usually i am not tired and i watch cable until about midnight and i sleep, snuggled in my nice comfy bed, happy.

la soucoupe volante

1. my french vocabulary isnt much more limited than my chinese vocabulary. what i dont know in french i probably also dont know in chinese. like what the heck is le trottoir in chinese anyway?

2. i think im going to go hungry a lot and subsist on fast food in france and die of bowel cancer. there doesnt seem to be any nice food, fruit or vegetable, if the definitive list of fruit and list of vegetables provided by Collin's is sound. they even have a term for disgusting raw mixed vegetables. les incrudites. which just sounds sick.

3. my memory and econs really suck. still remember TIPSY and CoPING? or how to draw the LRAC and SRAC for oligopolies? i looked through my notes to weed out all the unacceptable junk before lending them to my cousin from hwach and i realized what a noob i was and still am at econs.

4. it goes to show that the a levels is too simple or too many people simply suck more than me.

l'escalier au ciel

as bangles are worn well by young girls and spinsters
handcuffs are worn well by heroes
who won't sell their brothers
for money
who won't sell their fate
for life
respect

august sprung from a leak in my ceiling

reminds me of my pw groupmate.

and today some ny girl flashed me. for like 10 sec, bud i cant be sure if that was a pair of blue fbts.

i have 16 days to the end of my mc. and the start of camp life again. oh no.

have been mugging french hard. must not regret wasted time.

a bientot!

Jaywalker II

to cut the crap, Atlas sided with the wrong side and was punished by zeus, who had him hold Gaia and the heavens apart. while more rightly portrayed as holding 2 spheres apart, it is quite common to find the foamer titan portrayed as holding a huge globe, the earth. more like getting pinned down by it, because its just massive. leaving aside the squabble on whether greeks always thought the earth to be flat or had discovered that it was a sphere through observation of ships from the horizon, one would indeed wonder what supported atlas as he supported earth and heaven. if i did not remember wrongly, Plato answered it in the Republic as being a huge celestial tortoise, supported by another celestial tortoise below, and another below, and all the way down to infinity and the Creator's intention.

i was reminded of this poor titan as i was crossing the road. more like jaywalking the road. since drinking from the chalice that was Dangerous Living, i have not looked back. dangerous living is fun and i always look for ways to regress towards infinite fun. so now i also jaywalk when there are vehicles on the road and when they travel fast too. one particular red vios had to ebrake just so that i would still live to cross the road again. that begs the question on why i crossed the road, but thats for another time. because it was fun. and the driver, a woman in her 30s was shocked. her face was white as sheets, i saw it from across the illegally tinted glass.

just minutes later i was at another crossing, near my place, where normally, nobody, save a few losers, ever bothered about the traffic light. it was pointless anyway, since the traffic light was meant for buses going into the interchange. and buses are not despatched very minute anyway, especially from this mininode. but at that very moment there was a whole mix of people waiting on the little island for the green man to flash. ns boys, ahsohs, ah lians, ah bengs, heartlanders, banglas. peculiar. i was being a man and interested to not let down my jaywalker credentials so i took 1 step out on the road. and i could feel all the puny little eyeballs staring at my figure from behind. then i took another step for mankind and i was 1/3 across the lane.

and then someone shouted, "小弟!", and i had to turn around and see who called out. it was this lauchio with a chariot and she had just done her shopping at the nearby ntuc. not typically verbose when alone with strangers, i just rose my eyebrow in bewilderment and hoped that she would explain why she was calling me, and not someone else.

gesticulating wildly, she mouthed the words "MaTa". and instantaneously without comprehending what she meant i stepped back on the curb. and then a white car with lights passed by and this puny spfsgt stared daggers through me. phew. this is what i call civic mindedness. if not i would have just gg-ed on the spot.

im quite glad that she was there to warn me. the foreigners there all pretended that they were watching an eclipse or looking for chewing gum on the ground. this incident changed completely the way i look at lauzhabors. they are no longer the pests that block my way, but fellow singaporeans who have helped me and will receive my help. i promise.

but jaywalking is still fun.